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My mum is in a nursing home and has been for nearly 2 years after she had a knee replacement. The operation was a success, but due to her dementia she couldn't understand that she had to exercise and have physio and she refused to do it . Therefore she was losing the use of her legs and now she is bedridden unable to walk, stand or even turn over in bed unaided. I have been working in the aged care industry for the last 20 years, believe me it dosen't make it easier. My mother asks me every time I visit when is she going home and she says there is no reason for her to be there. She thinks she can walk and look after herself. I answer this question by say. When the doctors say it's ok for you to go, but you have to recover from the knee surgery. Mum thinks she has only been in the home for 2 to 3 weeks. I hate lying to her but I cannot tell her the truth because this may be the only thing she may remember. Does anyone have any other suggestions. I don't have to worry about her asking other visitors the same question because unfortunately she dosen't have too many and they know what to say.

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Your are handling it very effectively. "Be kind" is more important at this point than "Be honest."
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I don't think you are lying to her. Telling her she is there for ever is probably something that does not need to be said. Just keep saying as soon as you knee gets better and you can walk again we'll see what we can arrange. Then change the subject and don't let her reopen it. Take things with you to share that will distract her like pictures of grandchildren or articles from a newspape. It does not have to be something new each time because she won't remember that she has already seen it. Take her little food treats if she is allowed or maybe take a hobby with you if you do something like knitting or crochet and let her watch you work. "Look Mom I am making you new bedsocks do you like the color?" I have got some samples for you to choose the next color"
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unfortunately, we all have to become fibbers in order to cope and not add stress to our loved ones lives

it used to bother me tremendously and when I heard staff tell blatant lies as well, but now if I can't avoid the question by ignoring it or changing the subject or otherwise distracting her then I will lie - a year ago she was relentless but at nearly 94 and medicated her persistence about going home is still there but manageable - and this is a woman who escaped her facility last summer and hit the poor nurse trying to get her out of the street and back inside
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