My fiance and I moved across country to help his elderly mom and step dad. Because his mom is older than his step dad and is a fall risk (and deaf, with a cochlear implant and a native of Japan), we thought he needed help taking care of her. She has previously fallen and broken her neck and is pretty hard to slow down when she is feeling good. He was happy that we were coming because he wanted help with cleaning and to be able to leave the house without worrying about her.
What met us when we arrived was a completely different situation. The house was filthy and there was some hoarding going on. They were fighting constantly. The house was not safe for her at all. There was expired medication EVERYWHERE. Covering the dining room table, filling a large filing cabinet and all over the floor of the closet. A few days in we discovered that he was giving her some meds that had been prescribed to him. I investigated and found out her was giving her his Alzheimer's meds. I began a ten day cleaning/organizing project. In the process, I found Alzheimer's meds going back to 2007, mostly untouched, except for the bottle that he had written her name on.
We have now been here for two months. In that time we have had nothing but trouble from him. Every other day he is threatening to call the police and have us thrown out. He won't let my fiance spend anytime with his mom without supervising - even though we are in the same house. When they leave, he locks their bedroom door as if we are going to steal from him. We have already had to defy him to call the ambulance for her - she ended up in the hospital and then in rehab. Since she came home a few weeks ago, he has gotten more and more agitated. He tells people more and more crazy stories as the time passes (he invented the electric blanket, he invented the drone, he could go to the pentagon and disable the fiber optics so they can't spy on him anymore, he is responsible for the recent groundbreaking for a new VA nursing home, etc.)
He has firearms and a concealed carry permit. There is a large box of assorted ammo, mostly shotgun shells in the spare bedroom, but we haven't been able to find the guns.
I am the main focus of his anger. He thinks I have some power to control my fiance and have convinced him to come and ruin things. The whole situation has had a negative effect on my fiance's mom. It wears her out and will set her memory back. Some days she will not get out of bed or eat.
The hospital she was recently in (both the attending physician and a social worker) filed reports with Adult Protective Services due to my fiance's step dad's behavior at the hospital and her health when she was admitted. Because she was sent to a rehab facility, APS did not follow through. The nursing home/rehab center (where she has been several times and they are very familiar with her husband's behavior) refused to file any reports and would not go on record with what they told my fiance - that they were only releasing her to go home because he and I were there to make sure she was safe and cared for. The director said that they "do not get involved in family disputes."
We have sent letters to the VA (a social worker and his primary physician) informing them that he is not taking his meds and behaving, well, strangely.
We are not sure where else to turn or what to do. As it is, I only leave our room to leave the house or clean. I am afraid of the step dad and not able to cope with the way he treats me. If I spend time out in the rest of the house, my fiance feels the need to defend me and they get into a fight.
Any ideas? Help!