My mother, age 86 and of sound mind and "ok" health, has been living with me and my roommate since last October. She has her own room and in-home assist every day. But its the evenings after my work, weekends, and ongoing "anger" over my having lost my "freedom" that is making me act so different towards my mother and I am concerned this will eventually lessen my love for her. We have always been very close. I have spoiled her all of my life, however, I left "home" at age 19 and began my career at a city about a 4 hour drive from my mom. (My father is deceased.) So I would visit my mom every month, take her on wonderful yearly vacations, etc etc. This new life is very difficult. I am more fortunate than most and I know this. I still have a demanding full-time career which I have refused to even consider giving up to take care of my mother. My career is my "life-line" out of the home and affords a little bit of balance. My resentment stems from not having a vacation for soon 4 years and not having the freedom to go out to dinner at night without making arrangements for her care. I never had children so call me selfish but I have always been a "career" woman and never wanted kids. Now I have a dependent child. I have no family support. They all live out of state and even when I take my mother to visit her "home" in Pennsylvania every month to see her "family," they are useless. I can't depend on any of them. They are inept and so I have given up on any useless family support. I hate taking my mother to Pennsylvania. I get so angry and depressed on the drive that I have ignored her completely when driving in terms of talking to her. I always ensure she gets the very best care so that is not an issue. I do my "other job" I feel commendably. The issue is I am not the same "daughter" I was as I am resenting this situation more and more. I will have her live with us as long as I can safely care for her and provide her with a quality of life. But like so many others, I have given up a portion of my life and frankly I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that at age 61 soon 62 this would be my life. I fought for my mother tirelessly up to and through her open heart surgery. I took 3 months off from work to live, eat and breathe staying at the hospital and skilled nursing facility and then continued being with her every step of the way when I had her relocated to Maryland. I drove 33 miles one way after work to Baltimore to be with her and on weekends at a chronic care facility in Baltimore. She adores her son who I so very much resent. I can no longer even begin to let her know my feelings because she gets made so I have resigned myself to having a "superficial" relationship with her. I take her to all of her medical appointments; I ensure she has in-home care; I take care of all of her bills/paperwork. As I told my roommate recently, I don't want to look at my life as "well when my mother is gone, then I can travel and have a quality of life." That is not a healthy feeling. I want to be able to travel now and know that my mom will be ok at home with in-home care. My mom has a trache. I take good care of cleaning it. My mom said she doesn't want anyone working on her neck but me. I said but mom, what is the picture in your mind about me ever taking a vacation?. Bottom line is she is selfish. Has always been. She truly feels I should put my life on hold while she is alive. This makes me feel angry and so when I can't stand it anymore, I go up to my room or just have some alone time. Most times I provide her with excellent care and sometimes I try to take her shopping once a weekend and out to dinner, but those trips to Pennsylvania bum the heck out of me. I promised my mom I would take her,weather permitting, to her home in Pa once a month. I am the only one to give her any quality of life. I am going to try to find a counselor to simply listen to me. No one can fix any of this. If my mother were in a nursing home for me it would be worse. I would be there constantly and her care would not be up to par llike I provide. So this is a never ending story for now. How very sad though. I appreciate this support group and want eveyone to know it has helped me. Thank you.