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I am always impressed by the responses and comradery on this list.
This is my first time posting an issue.
So, my husband is in his early 70's. As he is aging, his is more easily angered, repeats himself often, asks the same question over and over...
It does not take much to set him off and he is quite verbally nasty. He has not gotten physical but there is no guarantee that he wont.
He will likely need to be in a nursing home.
My biggest question is what is the cost?Does regular health insurance provide coverage if there is an accompanying need for physical care? I am still working but I am not made of money.
I didn't know there was such a thing as elder care insurance until a short time ago and am afraid I am either too late or it will be cost prohibitive.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Words of wisdom?

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Yes, as Igloo, our best commenter on all things LTC insurance says, the best time to purchase it is in your 40s. It is likely to late if you are advanced beyond that.

You will understand the costs of care by visiting facilities. Much depends on the type of care you are speaking of. Nursing homes? Assisted Living Facilities? Memory Care? The cost is quite high and varies according to where you are living. San Francisco will likely easily DOUBLE the cost of anywhere else in the country.

You can begin to explore facilities that have varying levels of care. If you have Facebook then peek in on John Knox Village in Lees Summit, MO as a for instance. There you would have assistance as would hubby.

You are looking at very early stages but planning ahead, and quite honestly what you need now is early diagnosis so you can more know where this is all heading. So the discussion now is with hubby's doctor, and the getting of all documents ready. POA and Advance Directives and so on. You should consult with an Elder Law Attorney if hubby needs placement so as to protect your own portion of Marital Assets.

Elder care is expensive as in VERY expensive. I am glad you are thinking about all this but step one, for now, is getting a diagnosis.

If abuse ever becomes physical then you call EMS for transport to hospital at once. There diagnosis WILL happen and you will have access to Social Workers for many of your questions, and for help in placement if that is needed for his and your own safety.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I agree, if he has not been formally diagnosed with Dementia, he needs a good physical. Labs snd a cognitive exam. There are other things that can be causing him to be like this.

If its found he does need 24/7 care you can place him but you will need to see an Elder Lawyer to have assets split. His split going to his care. When his money starts to run out, you apply for Medicaid. Once he is on Medicaid, you become the Community spouse. You remain in the home, have one car and enough or all your monthly income to live on. You still working, though, may be different than a couple living on SS and pensions.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Has he had a complete physical recently? Are there signs of cognitive decline? I would make sure he has a thorough check up to established benchmarks.
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Reply to Moondancer
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If there are weapons in your home, lock them up if possible. When your husband is angry, leave the room. I'm not assuming that he would intentionally hurt you, but harm is harm.
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Reply to Rosered6
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Medicare is health insurance and does not provide coverage for long term care in Skilled Nursing or Memory Care Assisted Living. You'd need to apply for Medicaid for which there is a spend down if you have too much in your savings account. Medicaid for long term care is not Medicare,. Long term care insurance would not be affordable at this age, unfortunately.

Make a few appointments. One for a physical and cognition exam with hubbys doctor. Find out a diagnosis. Then find an Elder Care attorney in your area that's versed in Medicaid. Many will give you a free consultation.

Lastly, please call 911 immediately if your husband threatens you or lays a finger on you. Its common with dementia to get agitated and angry. Get him transported to the ER for a psych evaluation. The social worker there can help get him placed.

Get your ducks lined up NOW and be ready to take action when the time comes.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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It sounds like he needs either memory care or a skilled nursing facility. (The term nursing home isn’t really used much these days.).

Call your provider. I assume you have or he has Medicare?

There is also Medicaid for low/income.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Thanks KNance. That is where I am heading. I was looking for some input that will help compile a list of questions and a what I might expect to hear. That will also help me with follow up questions.
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Reply to HorseGal
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It is best to get advice from a elder attorney but Not everyone an afford One . Keep asking I Know other People Know More in-depth details about spending down and Medicare .
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Reply to KNance72
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lealonnie1 Jul 22, 2025
There is a spend down sometimes with MEDICAID, Medicare is health insurance only.
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