My Dad was in the hospital and rehab for the past month and is finally, as of today, back in his AL (which he likes). But one issue that came up during his stay is that I got a cold. I decided to forgo a visit and get a COVID test (based on what the rehab wanted) and OMG, he was so mad. I'm vaccinated and boosted but I do not want to be the person who brings COVID into a nursing home! Of course I was being careful. But he was angry and upset that I didn't visit that day. (And he's not weird about COVID, he's vaccinated, etc) I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this and I'm sure it's not the last time. Sometimes I can't go to see him….because I've got to be cautious.
I guess my point is, I think like others are saying, this is more about something that was out of his control than COVID or anything else. You weren't there, he didn't like that his routine or whatever was thrown off, he got upset. That is bound to happen from time to time. And the best way to deal with it is to gloss over it and let him have his moment and move on.
We tried to explain over and over again that we were trying to protect FIL. We joked that he could leave any time he wanted. We teased. We explained. We did everything we could. And then ultimately we just ignored. And when we stopped trying to make it up to him or giving him the attention he was looking for with it, he stopped bringing it up so often.
Did you call and tell him you weren't visiting? Depending how far into his Dementia he is, I may not have done that. Those with Dementia have no conception of time. He may not have even realized you didn't visit. Days run together.
My Mom visited my Aunt #1 her SIL. As she was leaving she ran into Aunt #2, sister to Aunt #1. Aunt #2 said to Aunt #1 "Did you have a nice visit with P" Aunt #1 said "P wasn't here". If your Dads short-term memory is shot, he won't even remember that you weren't there.
Your dad can be angry all he'd like; you can't change the rules of his AL. And, even if the AL doesn't have those rules in place for their resident's safety, YOU do, and that's THAT
s OK to be mad, even if you DON'T have dementia. However, being mad doesn't change the world. Explain to your Dad that you understand this makes him angry but that there is nothing you can do about it. Tell him you are sorry there will be some days you cannot visit, but that you are doing the best you can. Should his anger continue, making the current visit unhappy, gently make your exit, telling him you will be back tomorrow and hope his mood will be a bit better so you are able to stay.
What I am saying is that NO ONE who insists on making a visit unhappy should be rewarded with your staying.
You are doing everything right. There is Covid-19, and you can get tested for that, but often the regular flu can be lethal for elders, and we are not getting tested for that. If you are feeling unwell you shouldn't be visiting a place that houses vulnerable citizens.
Wishing you (and Dad) well.