An AL lady wants to have her house cleaned out, and sell it. Son refuses and gets verbally abusive when she brings it up. What can she do?

How long have you known this woman? Exactly how are you involved in this?

If this woman is having difficulties with her sons then she needs to address it. Don’t place yourself in the middle of their battle.

Do you know if the sons have POA?

Please answer these questions so that you can receive helpful responses to your posting.

Her son is abusive and is threatening her.

Whether or not she is of sound mind, he shouldn't be treating her that way. Her rights are like those of anyone else. She doesn't have to put up with it.

SHE should make a complaint about HIM. It may be a police matter. She could certainly call and ask someone at the police department if it's elder abuse and if it's an actionable offense.

As for your involvement, I don't believe that the sons could sue you for elder abuse. That would be the same sort of thing as I mentioned above - they'd have to report it to the police. There would need to be evidence of what you supposedly have done. It would be more likely that the sons would have to file a complaint against you with an Agency For Protection of Elders, or something like that.

But then, I don't know where you live and what the laws are there.

Find someone to hold an estate sale. They basically clean out the house, throw things away, donate other things and sell things (garage sale fashion) which They get a percentage of. They do research to determine value of items that may have significant value.

Do not tell some anything. It is none of their business. Sounds like she needs POA's setup that are not the sons. Maybe a geriatric care manager until this mess is resolved.

The AL lady should consult appropriate professionals, starting with an elder law specialist. They know how to clear up any determination of whether she is of sound mind and should be able to help her to deal with her adversarial sons if necessary.

You can help her with magnifying or reading information and retrieving papers from her home or organizing photos and mementos.

I would not recommend that you take on the work of a professional fiduciary or estate sale manager if you don’t have any education or experience in those areas.

It is too easy for a well meaning amateur to make mistakes that expose the person that they are trying to help to loss of money or family relationships.

Although it was written with the adult children as the target audience, she may find this audiobook useful:

https://www.amazon.com/Downsizing-Family-Home-audiobook/dp/B072NZZXWZ

Tell him to take it up with his mother as it's her home and you work for her.

Often, elders with cognitive or memory issues don't always appear to have a problem until you spent a lot of time with them daily (been there, done that with my MIL). Often they can't see their own cogntive problem, or are in strong denial of it.

IMO you should stay out of this situation because her son(s) may be her PoA and working behind the scenes to manage her affairs and this lady may not remember any of this or be in denial of it.

Without knowing all the facts you may be walking into a minefield.

Who has the ability to make these decisions? If your friend is legally competent, she can do what she wants. You can tell her that and ask her if it's worth selling the house and dealing with her sons' wrath, or if she'd rather keep the status quo. You can recommend an elder law attorney for her to consult.

Either way, this is not your battle. If she does indeed run out of money in a year, the house will be gobbled up by the facility to cover her costs. If she sells it now, same. The sons might want to talk to the facility about what happens when she does run out of money before she dies.

I think this is battle should be left between mother and sons and your best interest is to stay out of the middle of it. If the lady is competent then SHE is the one who needs to hire a lawyer to back of her children, as well as hiring whatever professionals are necessary to help her liquidate and invest her assets.