An acquaintance is showing signs of dementia. Should I say something?

Good grief. If repeating yourself means you have dementia, I’ve had it for years! Sometimes I’m in the middle of telling someone something and suddenly realize I’ve told them this same story before. Oops. They were kind enough not to say anything. Dementia is much more than simply forgetting you already told someone the amusing story of Uncle Freddy and the leisure suit.

Unless you are close with her, I wouldn’t call attention to it. If she seems like she is able to take care of herself, don’t interfere. You don’t know what provisions her family has made for her or what her life is truly like. You are the most casual of acquaintances. Only interfere if she gives you reason to truly fear for her safety.

I agree. Everyone repeats at times. Everyone forgets at times. Especially if stressed about something.

I have a friend whom I have known for 40 years. Last few months, she has made some major 'slipups' and I don't mean repeating herself. I mean, going for a walk in the neighborhood and getting lost. Wearing her dress to church inside out and not caring. She led the music in church and several times must have thought the hymn was over, she simply sat down.

Now, THOSE are the thing you worry about.

Her DH is a functioning alcoholic who does not take well to outsiders stepping in. I went to her youngest daughter and told her what we'd observed. Sadly, daughter said her other sisters were aware and were "treating' mom with essential oils.

Not my problem, esp since I informed her family, such as it was.

She's going into decline very fast. She doesn't have the spark in her eyes she always had--she looks confused all the time.

Dh did take away her car keys--but I don't know who I fear most on the road: The undiagnosed dementia patient or the alcoholic.

Just twice in an hour? I am over 70 and do that frequently. My doctor has assured me that is not dementia. My suggestion -- don't have a talk yet. Have another meeting and try to discern (1) other symptoms and (2) if she has family that she is regularly in contact. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324516.php

I am a RN with experience. Pls convey your suspicions to family members if you are able to contact them. They will make decisions for her, probably not on what you say, but will take that into high consideration when assessing this for themselves. Alerting others to a potential problem is not interfering, it is helping.

Thank you for caring, even for a casual acquaintance! As others point out, repetition and forgetfulness often happens with advanced age. But trust your instincts, it might be an early sign of dementia. Even so, it could be years before it becomes a serious issue. I like the prior suggestion about inquiring after family in case there is a need for intervention.

What you have observed may be some indication of dementia, but, it could also be stress, anxiety, or some other issue that made her repeat. HOWEVER, I will say that with several of our family friends and family members, the repeating you describe, was the first clue of cognitive decline and it did result in dementia. It may take months or years to progress to the point that she is not able to function though. It just depends. If you are still concerned after seeing more, I'd explore more. Do you ever drop by her place for any reason? Sometimes, that really gives a good indication of how she's really doing.

If you're going to interfere into the life of someone you only know from the coffeeshop then do it directly: "Buddy, are you okay? You seem distracted lately. Is there something going on that you'd like to talk about? I'm here to lend an ear if you want to talk." Then be quiet and take good note of her reaction.

One of my friends became awfully forgetful while she was going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.

How caring you are to be concerned about someone who is not a close friend! Yes, I believe you should say something. My mom lived 2.5 hours from me until last year. Although I spoke with her every day and visited her every other week, her friends and acquaintances were the first to notice something wasn't right. Though it took a little while for me to accept my mom needed to see a doctor about her forgetfulness, I am deeply grateful for the people around her to help me to see it sooner rather than later. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is now 12 minutes from me, and I'm able to see her every day; the disease is progressing rapidly for her, and it might have been too late to avoid an accident if it hadn't been for people, like you, who cared.

Please say something. If she's showing signs like that, it's possible that she no longer has the ability to properly handle her finances. She could wind up destitute from poor decisions or falling prey to a scammer.

Though it can be tricky because you're not particularly close personal friends, I think you can bring it up in a chatty way, by talking about yourself. Maybe something like, "I have a friend whose mom lost thousands of dollars being taken advantage of by a scammer. It really made me think about protecting my own finances. Do you have an advisor or someone who helps you with that sort of thing?" Anything to broach the subject and feel out how she's faring in that area. She sounds like she may be in the early stages, so probably isn't doing anything dangerous (wandering, etc), but all her choice-making ability will disappear if she is making bad financial decisions. She's especially vulnerable with no family around. Maybe they are keeping tabs from a distance though.

Could also be loneliness

I'd tread carefully before saying anything - now if she has trouble paying her bill or seems otherwise troubled or confused, that's a different matter

In working with people in various stages of dementia, the family members are often in denial plus do not understand the disease. Making "I" statements is a good way to express concern. You don't have to be direct. If a person doesn't have a support system who can help if and as needed (friends or family, it will be challenging for this person. I would definitely make suggestions and see how she responds.

Sure. You could say, e, g. "I'm concerned about you." And then follow up, gingerly, with the reasons you think this way. I know for a fact that family members ARE often in denial.

So, on a "truth is stranger than fiction" note, my next door neighbor was married to a man for about 15 yrs who's 30 yrs older than her. He's also a horse's ass and a giant ego maniac. When he started displaying signs of what she thought was Alzheimer's or dementia, she casually mentioned to him he might want to get checked out by the doctor. He had a total meltdown right there on the spot, stormed out of the house and immediately filed for divorce. She literally never saw him again except in divorce court, much to her delight, and she's now in the process of getting rid of all the stuff he left behind. He wound up remarrying wife #4 who he regretted divorcing in the first place. My neighbor was wife #7.

I don't know if you should bring up the subject of dementia with a casual acquaintance.....it might not have a good outcome!

Denial is prevalent in a LO's Alzheimer's diagnosis. Just ask me - I know. My SIL was diagnosed with the dreaded disease and all of her family are in denial/don't want to talk about it/didn't know that her husband should get POA - UNTIL I BROUGHT IT UP!

Thank you all for your answers. It's particularly helpful when you don't all agree since it gives me different points of view to consider. As it happens, soon after I posted, my buddy invited me to dinner with some friends. I'm reassured to know that she isn't isolated and there are other "eyes" on her. (I know she has no family nearby.)

I saw it a lot with my mother as she aged, I now see it with her younger sister.  I always think its because they lived alone and once they have someone to talk to they want to get it all out.  With my husband it's asking the same question over and over.  In his case he asks but doesn't listen to the answer because he's moved off to do something else.