Am I wrong thinking that I'm getting used?

You should be earning more than pocket money, and you should also get time off. Contact the Department of Labor in the state to learn your rights.

I believe your ignorance of your worth to this family as a caregiver and much more is all you are guilty of. However it is time to speak up for yourself and change the terms and conditions of your position. Yes you have room and board but are on call 24/7 with no time off which is not healthy for any caregiver. First find out what caregivers are paid so you can have a conversation with the daughter. My sister in law was a caregiver to a person until they passed and stayed 24/7 taking the burden from her son so he could live his life. However she had 2 1/2 days off and received a salary. The daughter sounds like a gold digger use her mothers money for her own use. It will cost her much more if she hires someone else as well as trusting a new person to take care of her mom. Speak up for yourself but be kind and speak with facts. Facts don’t lie. As well when she passed you have nothing to fall back on a no home. Good luck..

The daughter is pocketing the rest of the money. Yes, those are slave wages. You'd do better looking for another position for in home care. There are plenty of people who would be glad to pay a salary for in home care. Start looking. The daughter will be in a pickle when she faces the option of doing the work herself or spending every cent her mother gets for AL or NH. Start putting out the word. Start with visiting your social services office, let those offices know you will be available at a moments notice. I suggest you put together a resume or have one prepared. A friend might help if you've never done one.

If you did not think free room and board in exchange for care of the 90 year old was a fair deal than why did you make this deal? If you thought it was a fair deal but now are not happy with the deal you made with the daughter than find someplace else to live and get another job. But to make a deal and than blame the person who you made the deal with for treating you like a modern day slave is not going to change your situation. You accepted the deal and the only person who accepted these living conditions is you! Take action that will give you the life situation that will bring you joy.

It is difficult to feel sorry for anyone here, including the grandmother.

The grandmother gets to enjoy OP taking care of her for free because OP is fully convinced that she's going to will everything to a great (???) grandchild and not her own children--one of whom is in charge of her present income and the other who is on the deed of the actual property.

If filial "love" or "trust" was enough, OP could stand up for herself, go to work and volunteer as much as they do. It's not happening because OP is scared that if it does, she'll be out on her butt perhaps with the son, but is counting on enough "after" to make up for it.

Cheyanne, you cannot expect a person who's actually on the deed to do a quit claim just for your son, special needs or not. You have no income with which to pay lawyers if they get some, which they will. It sounds like if granny needs POA, she will be assigning it to her actual daughters and not to you, and you probably will not know.

All the family know about the great grandparents wishes and they say they have no problem with that.
The deed is in the great grandmother's name and my sons grandmothers name.
The daughter overseeing her finances is not on the deed or in the will.
It is in the will for my son to get what they wanted and if he shall pass its then left to the daughters.

Gena, while I mostly agree with you on things, I don't on this thing.

It seems that OP volunteered to move in, possibly her son too, under the pretext of "help" like so many. And like so many, she is there at least in part because she hopes for a golden windfall at the end of this--not payment.

SO and i have had employment lawyers involved twice. Over $10K for them to even write pre-litigation letters and answer phone calls. You get to lawsuit stage, that's at least $30k.

Where's she gonna get that kinda money? Not unless she gets out, she won't.

Read this:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers

A 'live-in' caregiver IS an employee.
I researched this extensively for my own needs for friend, 88. I am his POA agent.

There are specific rules, laws, regulations about an employee-employer relationship. You need to either:
1) read / research; or
2) find an employment lawyer.
3) or both and
4) you are likely entitled to much more 'back-pay' as it sounds like you are not getting paid according to the law. If she doesn't adjust / give you back pay as an attorney may say you are entitled to, you can pursue a lawsuit.

Gena / Touch Matters

Does grandmother have her cognative abilities? Tell her if she is promising you & son the trailer & land, you have to have that in writing and witnessed by a lawyer/notary to protect yourself. Bc anything can happen after she is gone. She could turn over the deed to you now. Just promising wont do. And also put in the will, not just the will. If she won't do it, then you know your answer. That is was never gonna happen.
And if daughter goes ballistic, you really know she won't allow it and is looking at that as her $$$ inheritance. You could be thrown out 1 hr after the funeral bc nothing is in writing. Until it's in writing it might as well have never happened.

Look for a new job.
Once you find a new job, give 2 week notice.
Do not use the daughter as a professional reference.

No, you're not wrong; you're definitely being used. Living rent-free in exchange for being a full-time worker at 2-3 paid positions is a bad deal, no matter how much you love your charge.

Unlike slaves past and present, you can choose to walk away at any time, and the law is on your side. You're sacrificing your SS, health, and dignity on the wisp of a promise of a few acres and a trailer for your son? What's in writing?

There are so many resources to help those living on the autism spectrum to have independent, productive lives within their individual means. Please explore your immediate family's needs and options; visit and occasionally do for grandmother as your new life allows.

Cheyanne, you say that no one has POA and that the Grandmother wants to leave a trailer and some acreage to your son who suffers from autism. Your best chance for your son to have ANYTHING is for you to get out there now and work for payment, save, get real estate that you share with your son. I think from all you say that with the daughter in charge of everything it is very likely that you or your son will end up with anything. You are basically flying on a wing and a prayer. It is very unlikely this will turn out well for you. Meanwhile you are getting paid next to nothing, earning no social security and so on. I would advise you to let the daughter know you will be getting accomodations for yourself and your son and moving on to work and save for your futures. Best of luck to you.

So you are paying for her food and animals out of YOUR paycheck???? Thats nuts!!!! And you are sticking around whilst they dangle the will over your head? Caregivers get $12-25 an hour. Some get more. X/times that by at least 16hr day. Thats not even min wage. They will balk saying the grandmother sleeps thru the night.
When do you get time off? Only when she is sleeping? You still have animals to feed, hay to stack, barn to clean in top of it. Why ? Grandmother isnt enjoying the animals. Who is? The daughter? Working like a slave for sure.
Add up all the hours you work and present them with the facts. If they balk, then you need to get a job and a place of your own. Then just visit.
I would NEVER EVER trust anyone saying you are in the will unless it's the day after and they show it to you. Are they close with your child?
You are a live in slave and being taken advantage of. But you also allowed it.
Better yet, go on vacation for 2 weeks. That will open their eyes. Don't answer the phone either. They will call non stop. Then they will see how good they have it.
You have a right to a vacation. It is to prove a point.
You are so being used. You need to show all the hours you work and include the ave apt rent. Minus time spent seeing to her needs at night.
You are going to slave for nothing. Then presented with move out immediately so I can rent grandmother's house, or it's getting sold, or pay up immediately for rent for entire house.
And if you decide to stay and renegotiate a proper payment plan. What is going to be done after grandma dies?
You need to protect yourself. They could sell house out from under you. Demand you fix anything that is wrong with the house. Saying a water leak is your fault. Or say day after she dies you owe them a 1000 for rent starting immediately. Take pics of every room, any problems and document everything. You dont want to get blamed if they decide you never told them the roof leaks. Even tho they knew for 10yrs. They could blame you. Or something like that.
Get a new agreement in writing and with a lawyer. They like that everything is in their favor, dangling a will that you have no idea about, and you have nothing but their word. No proof of anything. Their word means nothing. You have no proof of anything. Not even a place to stay after she is gone. You are getting hosed on this. If you went to a lawyer would he tell you, you can count on promises of a will you have never seen? I bet he would loik at you like you like O_o

This grandma has already put her daughter in charge of overseeing her finances. This does not sound like she will disinherit her actual daughter to give everything to your personal child.

The daughter is the next-of-kin, not a granddaughter-in-law or ex. She is the one who already has control over how much her mother pays out and for what, including to you. Must be nice for the "second mother" to be sitting there enjoying your free labor --and fairly what she does--knowing that you're vying over her inheritance like she's Queen Elizabeth. Doesn't sound that selfless to me.

You are going about this like it's an investment for your son. If there was no possibility of this, would it be worth it busting your butt over there taking care of a grandmother in law/ex-grandma in law for no pay 24/7? Probably not.

This daughter is certainly not mad. She is making very sure that all of grandma’s assets stay intact, and doing it by failing to pay you adequately. It sounds as though grandma is saving even more at present, courtesy of daughter 'overseeing her finances'.

You perhaps are a little mad. You are relying on what you have been told about grandma’s will, which is supposedly leaving lots to your own son. Even if it’s the truth about the will at present, wills can be (and are) changed often towards the end of life. You and your son may get nothing. Daughter may get the lot. Or your son may get lots, find himself a friend who can cope with his disabilities, and do nothing for you.

You need to care for yourself, NOW. It’s too late when everything has gone wrong. You can still look after grandma, but protect yourself from the many ways that this can turn into a disaster for you. Just a little bit more pay is NOT a good enough answer.

Cheyanne, while well-intentioned, this is the WORST possible way fir the grandparents to provide for a hrandchild with special needs

You are not wrong for thinking you are getting used.
But you will be wrong if you do not act on it.

You are wrong to think there is any obligation to your son's grandparent because in the future he will inherit land and a mobile home. That may not be possible. Is your son in legal possession of the land and mobile home now?
Can you take possession and live there?

Have you ever heard of the term "future faking"? You need to become aware of how people are used and accept being used. It often happens with a narcissist and a vulnerable person.

You are one person, and need to be paid for your work.
Your son is a separate person, with special needs.
Each of you has a separate relationship (and legal ties) to the grandparent.

Repeat: Your son's autism does not obligate you to enslave yourself to anyone promising his future. The needs of a person with autism are great enough without you serving others promising to help him.

The daughter is already making inroads to take things away from you.

No one has P.O.A

I take care of my son's paternal great grandmother who has been like a second mother to me.
My son is autistic and the great grandparent's wanted him to always have a home to go to so they are leaving him 5 acres and a mobile home.
The daughter I think is mad because they are leaving my son everything and her 3 kids are receiving nothing.
We have helped the grandparents for many years unlike the daughter's children who barely know the way to her house.
The daughter does not have P.O.A

You’re not wrong. I hope you have success in changing in the situation

Free room and board is not payment for services rendered. Servants also get wages in addition to their free room and board.
Slaves and indentured servants do not.
Now it is time to make it known that they will paying you and work out wages you all can agree upon.
Tell them they will start paying you immediately or you will do absolutely nothing for the elderly relative or for her animals and property. Find a different place to live so you'll have a back-up plan because you'll need somewhere to go. If they refuse to pay, you refuse to work.

Not to mention, you are giving up paying into Social Security for YOUR retirement, health benefits NOW, not including all the income you're leaving on the table for 'free rent'!! Yeah, you're being used and abused and that is a real disgrace on the part of this relative who knows full well what she's doing here!

My ILs have 24/7. Their indy does 128 hours of work per week at $20 and makes $110K a year.

That is almost $9,200 a month. That is what you're foregoing for the "free room and board." Unlike her, even, you have no time off.

Instead, you're sitting there without a real job and really no prospect of inheritance changing this "relative's" depends throwing over $9K in potential income away for every month that you do it. Who is this "relative" anyway? Some aunt with a daughter who's taken over poa? How is this remotely YOUR problem?

Yeah, you are being treated like a slave. Time to tell daughter she needs paid help and it's not worth OVER $9000 in volunteer work for you so you can have this "free room and board."

Everyone I know who has fallen for this scam has ended up dead, homeless, without relationships and with no job history. Do not let this happen to you.



I

You deserve far more than pocket change.

Why are you doing this? How did you become the one to become the full time caregiver?

Don't you think you should be working to earn money to support yourself and to prepare for your own eventual retirement?

Do you know anything about your grandmother's finances? Are you her daughter's (your aunt's) retirement plan? If she can get you to do caregiving for free, the home (farm?) will eventually go to her, instead of being sold to pay for her mother's care. Is this a possibility?

You have only to total your receipts to answer your own question for yourself. Living rent free is lovely, but what time do you have to go to your job so that you can otherwise receive pay. It is up to you whether this is working well for you. Your end of month budget should easily answer the question for you. I myself would be giving notice and finding other living arrangements where I can rent a room, be free to get a job, and save for my own apartment. Only you can decide if this is now your best option.

No, you are not wrong to feel that way. You do realize it is ultimately your choice to be in the situation you are in don't you? In other words, why are you staying?