I am 34 and never left home. My father passed away about nine years ago. My mother is going to be 81 in a few weeks, and her health is deteriorating. Her mind is getting worse, too -- she has hallucinations, delusions, neglect of personal hygiene, serious balance problems, etc. She has been in rehab for four weeks following a hospital stay for an impacted bowel. She went through FOUR days of incredible pain before I could get her to go to emergency. It killed me watching her suffer like that. She refuses home health -- she won't even let the beautician at the rehab place do her hair because she doesn't want a stranger doing it. It has been at least six weeks since it has been washed.
She is planning on coming home when she is out of rehab -- and one of the nurses worked out a daytime visit home tomorrow without discussing it with me. She isn't safe even with me home ... and is terribly hurt that I was reluctant for her to come home for a daytime 8 to 10 hour visit.
I live with my mom, and I have a professional job that requires intense hours. I am not doing as well on my job as I would like to, and I spent 11 years getting a PhD to qualify for this kind of position. I feel guilty about putting my job ahead of my mom, but I cannot provide the level of care she needs.
My siblings are both disabled, and I am the only one she has that can help. I love her very much, and I worry about her safety and her health at home. I can't be home all the time, and to make matters even more interesting I have narcolepsy that prevents me from driving. If there is an emergency at home, I have to find a ride or wait for a cab to get to her.
My health is breaking, and my emotions are also. I am the youngest child, but she never discusses memories from my growing up -- only of my older brother and sister. Sometimes she does not know who I am .
I think she needs to be in assisted living, but I feel like I am taking her home away from her. Am I wrong for wanting her to go to assisted living? Honestly, I am not even sure I can survive her visit home tomorrow without having a breakdown.