Am I wrong?

Follow
Share

I have been dealing with this issue for a while. My mom, who we live together, is 70 and has early onset dementia. I have done some much for her. I have made her cigarettes, even though I don't smoke, but her doctors say that she needs to keep her brain moving and it has really stressed me out having to make her cigarettes when buying them isn't possible. Well I have recently showed her how to make them. SHE HATES IT! When I enter the room, she makes a huge deal about having to make them, but I feel, as does my sister, who does smoke, that's its good for her. I think she wants me to take over, but I won't. I have made them for her for almost a year, and I have decided that I am not going to do it. When she gets really frustrated, I show her again, but I don't do it. Am I wrong for making her do this? Am I being mean to her or doing something for her to keep her mind going? I don't feel guilty for doing it, because I don't smoke, but am I wrong?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
Rainmom, she has a small cigarette maker that helps her. I am encouraging her daily. I told her that it hurts my hands to make them for her (it does) and I NEVER, EVER make anything seem like punishment. She is trying to be a good sport. She does forget what she's doing, but TRUST- my mom is more capable than she lets on. I'm not feeling any guilt. She seems to be getting it. I say that buying them is an issue because she is on a limited income and she smokes WAY MORE than her income. So it costs $11 for tobacco and filtered tubes and she gets at least 3 "packs" of cigarettes out of it instead of paying $6 per pack. I feel that it gives her something to do because she doesn't want to do anything else.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wow - $11!!! If that doesn't discourage smoking...both hubby and I smoke. I do have a quit date as I promised myself I'd be smoke free for a full month prior to my upcoming surgery - anyhooo - it's about $6 a pack here in Oregon. Second anyhoo - while I don't advocate helping your mom smoke - if this becomes a major issue and it's a matter of saving sanity, look into a rolling machine. That sounds fancier than they really are. It's a small contraption with a rubber like belt that you first roll the tobacco in, to pack and shape it, then you feed in the paper. It might be a bit tough for aged fingers to use but certainly easier than hand rolling. Now - I should add I haven't looked to see if they still make these but I had one forty years ago when I was a pot smoking hippy - it made a perfect joint. I know - naughty Rainmom!!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

you can buy loose tobacco for about 15.00 a bag. a pack of smokes is about 11.00 in the state I live in
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Your talking about rolling her own cigarettes, right? I've never know anyone who does that. Not that I'm encouraging smoking but I'm curious - why are regular cigarettes such a problem to get? An on a side note - hand rolled cigarettes are even more unhealthy than prerolled due to the lack of a filter.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

In general, it is a good thing to encourage persons with dementia to do as much as they can do.

I can see, though, that for someone with dementia to have her cigarettes made for her for a year and then to be told she has to do it herself would be confusing and might feel mean or like a punishment. I'm not saying that you are wrong, but that I can understand why Mom might perceive this as wrong.

If she can do it, great -- keep encouraging her and praising her success. But also be aware that for a person with dementia being expected to do something they really can't is extremely frustrating and demoralizing. To complicate matters, what they can do successfully one day may not be what they can do the next day. Skills come and go and come back again.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

No, you're not wrong.
And frankly, smoking is a filthy habit, if she isn't able to make as many as she needs it will force her to cut back, which is a good thing!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions