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I have a relative in a continuing care/life plan community, with a monthly fee around $5K. She is having a standoff with the management who want her to move from Independent to Assisted and give up her pet, as they don't allow pets in AL. She may well decide to leave the CCRC over this. I want to get my facts straight: I think she will have no more power over her situation in a new AL, maybe even less, because a new place can decide at any time that she needs more care, raise her fees, or determine she can't take adequate care of her pet, and again the only choice will be to comply or move. Plus, once the AL determines you've deteriorated beyond their standards, you have to move again to nursing care (if the new AL doesn't offer that). Am I right? This person is in terrible shape physically but does not recognize her limitations. Any other arguments for staying in the CCRC that I've overlooked?

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I think it would be best to get someone to care for her pet. If the dog is showing signs of decline already (incontinence) she may outlive the dog. It would be terrible for her to lose such a great situation as she is now in for a dog that may not have long to live.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Did she do a “buy in” aka a significantly large sum of $ to have guaranteed placement in the CCRC for her lifetime. If so, please try to find the contract and see if she moves out of the CCRC how much of that $ can be refunded.

Some CCRC have very restrictive terms and if you choose voluntarily to leave, you leave the buy in $ behind.
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Reply to igloo572
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I’m wondering if this is about the pet?
Is it possible to find a surrogate pet owner who would bring her pet for visits?
It is a terrible loss to lose a well loved pet.
I am sorry she has come to this stage in life. I had to manage a pet fading into the background for my DH aunt.
She may grieve its loss which would be appropriate.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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HollyIvy Oct 24, 2025
Hi, yes, it is all about the pet. Sad, but inevitable. The pet has its own incontinence problems so is unlikely to find another home.

As Jo Ann and Alva said below -- it's a safety question, that's what the management said, and rightly so. They gave her the "move up or move out" ultimatum today. The AL there is SO nice, spacious, etc. -- not to mention guaranteed care for life! -- that it would be a shame for her to move out, but at this point it's her choice and I am tired of trying to be the voice of reason.
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I don't know a lot about CCRCs but I think I've heard that they typically have a large (six figure) up front "entrance" fee that may not be fully refundable?? She or someone responsible should check her contract.
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Reply to gnyg58
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This is why she is in this type of community. They have evaluated her and found that she no longer can be in independent housing because she can no longer care for herself. This is to protect her and them too. She now needs AL and yes, when her needs are too much for AL staff, she will go into LTC. This is what she signed up for. To be cared for for the rest of her life. She must have no family? She needs a POA if she doesn't have one. I would not take on that responsibility.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You say that she is in terrible shape physically.
Then her facility is absolutely correct in their assessment and in requiring her to be in safe care.
She can move or she can comply, and this really isn't in your control. I am surprised this facility is allowing her to go into AL if she has so many needs, quite honestly. But it is worth a try.

There is not always an answer that is a happy or perfect answer. End of life is full of problems and sometimes there are situations in which there is no good choice, no happy choice. As you are not her POA there is very little you can do here but allow her to make her decisions, if she is still able, for herself.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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No, the POA is not active. I'm just the person she calls about Every Single Little Thing. I know I have no power, other than to try to help her think about the future and avoid, if possible, doing something really counterproductive. I am in total agreement with the CCRC that it's time for her to move to AL.
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HollyIvy Oct 24, 2025
Sorry about duplicate post! Technical difficulties.
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No, the POA is not active. I'm just the person she calls about Every Single Little Thing. I know I have no power, other than to try to help her think about the future and avoid, if possible, doing something really counterproductive. I am in total agreement with the CCRC that it's time for her to move to AL.
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Reply to HollyIvy
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Are you her active PoA? If not, and she doesn't have a medical diagnosis of impairment sufficient to need the intervention of a PoA or legal guardian, then you don't have any power to force her to do anything, or force the CCRC to change their policy to accommodate her.

If she does have a PoA then this person needs to read the document to see what activates their authority to make decisions in her best interests.
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Reply to Geaton777
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