I think it's kind and thoughtful of you to be concerned, but it seems as though it's time for you to consider your own health as well, while attempting to make arrangements for your partner.
I would think the best action you can take to protect him now is to follow the suggestions of the other posters, and try to make arrangements for his care in the future, while still keeping in touch with him but focusing on your own health.
I think you have several areas to address: the legal & financial ones as NY DIL and JoAnn addressed, and the practical and care oriented ones Siplegacy raised.
This must be a difficult situation for you, considering the parting of 2 apparently close people, as well as the then individual care for each of you. I wish you success and peace with the decisions you make.
North Carolina does not recognize common law marriage. What are your living arrangements? Do you own or rent a home together? What are his financial resources and how would his caregiving expenses impact your financial situation? Not because you are responsible for him - because you are not - but because his needs are only going to increase. You need to think about how meeting his needs, whether you arrange for that or his children do or the state does, will affect you.
Who holds his POA? If you, then you have the ability to place him. If he has money, in a nice AL, if not on Medicaid. Not sure how Medicaid will look at your relationship, though. A married couple the spouse staying in the home is considered the Community Spouse and as such gets to have assets split and all or part of the monthly income (SS and pensions) to live on.
If one of the kids is POA, then they can have Dad placed. But before you allow that, I would check with a lawyer what your rights are in the relationship. I hope you have not combined your money. If so, you need to protect what is yours. If its just SS and pensions that go into the acct. I may at this point have my checks rerouted to a different account. Then figure out in the joint acct what of that is yours. It may be that because you are both on the acct its 50/50 but that you need to check out. When you figure that out, transfer your part to another acct. You can always pay back but it will be hard to get what is yours. I know after years of living with him this is kind of devious but we have heard stories where the children take a SO out if the home and leave a step-parent high and dry.
So you need to protect yourself. Get your ducks in a row. See a lawyer to see if what I suggested can be done. If you don't have POA and one of the kids do, once you know where you stand legally, you can then say "I am not able to care for Dad any longer. If u can't care for him, then you will need to place him."
Having lived with him for many years, I'm sure you care for him. But you are not responsible for his primary care unless you choose to be. With your declining health, and if I were you, I would not choose to be his primary caregiver. But that doesn't mean you can't take the responsibility to insure his proper care. There are resources that can help you thru this time. One would be your local Area Agency on Aging. They are a great resource for all things to do with elderly.
I would think the best action you can take to protect him now is to follow the suggestions of the other posters, and try to make arrangements for his care in the future, while still keeping in touch with him but focusing on your own health.
I think you have several areas to address: the legal & financial ones as NY DIL and JoAnn addressed, and the practical and care oriented ones Siplegacy raised.
This must be a difficult situation for you, considering the parting of 2 apparently close people, as well as the then individual care for each of you. I wish you success and peace with the decisions you make.
If one of the kids is POA, then they can have Dad placed. But before you allow that, I would check with a lawyer what your rights are in the relationship. I hope you have not combined your money. If so, you need to protect what is yours. If its just SS and pensions that go into the acct. I may at this point have my checks rerouted to a different account. Then figure out in the joint acct what of that is yours. It may be that because you are both on the acct its 50/50 but that you need to check out. When you figure that out, transfer your part to another acct. You can always pay back but it will be hard to get what is yours. I know after years of living with him this is kind of devious but we have heard stories where the children take a SO out if the home and leave a step-parent high and dry.
So you need to protect yourself. Get your ducks in a row. See a lawyer to see if what I suggested can be done. If you don't have POA and one of the kids do, once you know where you stand legally, you can then say "I am not able to care for Dad any longer. If u can't care for him, then you will need to place him."