He also has OCD. He is defiant and everything must go his way. I am physically ill and advised by my doctor to avoid stress. Can I divorce him? I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this situation.
You are not legally required to care for him. If you are told by your doctor that you need to eliminate stress, then you are doing what is best for you at this time.
I am happy that you don’t feel trapped in this situation so much that you wouldn’t even consider asking if you could walk away from the responsibility of being his caregiver.
I am sure that this experience has been extremely emotional and stressful for you. No one ever envisions something like this happening in their lives. I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. Take care.
Has he been diagnosed with any form of dementia? From what you describe he has cognitive problems that would indicate dementia. If he is diagnosed with dementia you can place him in Memory Care. If at anytime you are afraid that he is going to harm you call 911 or whatever emergency service you have. Tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. Tell them that the person you are afraid of has dementia and is threatening you. Ask that they be transported. They can transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital ask to talk to a Social Worker, tell them that you can no t continue to care for him. It is unsafe for you. They will inform you of options.
You can get a divorce. I suggest that you talk to an Elder Care Attorney. It might be easier if you do want to go the route of a divorce to do so BEFORE he has a diagnosis of dementia.
Is his doctor aware of the threats, temper as well as your medical problems? There are medications that can help with anxiety.
You need to tell his doctor about this especially him threatening to hit you. There is medication that may help. It may be a good idea to place him in a MC if u can afford it or a nice NH with Medicaid paying for it. You can remain in the home, have a car and have enough from your combined SS and pension to live on. Then you just visit when u feel like it.
No. You are not legally obligated to take care of a spouse. Yes, you can get divorced if you want to. Time to get out. If your husband is cognitively impaired and has dementia, then he is incompetent to make his own decisions. As his legal spouse you are his next of kin and will decide for him. You can put him in a facility if caring for him at home has become too much for you and it sounds like it has. Talk to a lawyer and they can advise you about what should be your next step. Good luck.
In the interim, do you think hiring a male aid to come in to make sure he takes his meds a possibility? Or even a male relative or neighbor? Sometimes he will "showboat" (be on his best behavior) for "outsiders". Even if it works for a while, it may make a big difference once he can start benefitting from his meds. Wishing you clarity and peace.
You are not legally obligated to be abused by anyone.
Call Social Services for advise and assistance for yourself and assessment for your husband.
Gather all the financial information you can. Prepare an "escape bag" of important documents such as your personal key documents like birth and marriage certificates, checkbooks, credit cards, et al; and a few sets of clothing. Notify a few family members and friends what's happening for support and possibly a place to stay if you need to leave quickly. Make an appointment with a lawyer.
While you may end up not divorcing him, you deserve a safe place until he gets either sorted out with help or you do proceed with divorce for your own physical, mental, and emotional safety.
You matter, Jpaat. Please let us know how you're doing.
You don't need to ask a forum if you can divorce your husband or not. If you don't love him anymore and want out, then by all means get yourself a divorce lawyer. According to your profile you live in constant fear of him, and that isn't healthy for anyone. Was he always like this or is this something fairly new? If it's new, then has he had a thorough examination from his doctor? You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and doing what is best for you, and only you know what that is. I wish you the best.
I am happy that you don’t feel trapped in this situation so much that you wouldn’t even consider asking if you could walk away from the responsibility of being his caregiver.
I am sure that this experience has been extremely emotional and stressful for you. No one ever envisions something like this happening in their lives. I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. Take care.
From what you describe he has cognitive problems that would indicate dementia.
If he is diagnosed with dementia you can place him in Memory Care.
If at anytime you are afraid that he is going to harm you call 911 or whatever emergency service you have. Tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. Tell them that the person you are afraid of has dementia and is threatening you.
Ask that they be transported. They can transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital ask to talk to a Social Worker, tell them that you can no t continue to care for him. It is unsafe for you. They will inform you of options.
You can get a divorce. I suggest that you talk to an Elder Care Attorney.
It might be easier if you do want to go the route of a divorce to do so BEFORE he has a diagnosis of dementia.
Is his doctor aware of the threats, temper as well as your medical problems? There are medications that can help with anxiety.
Time to get out. If your husband is cognitively impaired and has dementia, then he is incompetent to make his own decisions.
As his legal spouse you are his next of kin and will decide for him.
You can put him in a facility if caring for him at home has become too much for you and it sounds like it has.
Talk to a lawyer and they can advise you about what should be your next step. Good luck.
Call Social Services for advise and assistance for yourself and assessment for your husband.
Gather all the financial information you can. Prepare an "escape bag" of important documents such as your personal key documents like birth and marriage certificates, checkbooks, credit cards, et al; and a few sets of clothing. Notify a few family members and friends what's happening for support and possibly a place to stay if you need to leave quickly. Make an appointment with a lawyer.
While you may end up not divorcing him, you deserve a safe place until he gets either sorted out with help or you do proceed with divorce for your own physical, mental, and emotional safety.
You matter, Jpaat. Please let us know how you're doing.
You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and doing what is best for you, and only you know what that is. I wish you the best.