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My mum had a stroke 8 years ago and she lost one of her vision altogether. She went through depression but later won against it after recovering her mobility through physiotherapy. Due to the side-effects of the medicine for her heart, her kidney function started to fail.
Fast-forward today, her kidney function had decreased dramatically since last year transitioning from stage 4 into stage 5. She had denied dialysis 3-4 years ago and we had opted for palliative care following her will. Yesterday, we received a bad news from the doctor that my mum's kidney function is left with 5% and asked us to prepare for the worst.
I don't know how much time she is left with. I started to question my consciousness whether I had just denied her a chance to prolong her life. Am I doing right?

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I lost 3 friends because of kidney failure due to diabetes. All had been on some type of dialysis and opted to go off. Not a way to live and they all got so tired. All opted for hospice and were gone within 2 weeks. Two were 63 and one 70. If your Mom is older than this, I would say time for hospice care.
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mummybabygirl May 29, 2025
Hi Joann29, thank you for sharing and yes, we are preparing for her hospice care.
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As an RN I have long long had written in my advance directive that I refuse dialysis. To me it is awful, with constant exhaustion either from your day long dialysis several times a week, or because you NEED dialysis. There are infections from ports and it is simply a crucible for an elder just to get back and forth. It is awful to go through and a dreadful way to end your life.
If your mom is capable of making this decision it is hers.
If she isn't capable, you already know her wishes; please follow them and get her registered in hospice for merciful end of life care.
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mummybabygirl May 29, 2025
Hi AlvaDeer, your sharing helps a lot. Thank you ❤️
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You are honoring her wishes, that is never wrong in these situations.

Spend what time she has left loving her and sharing whatever the moment brings.

I have a young friend that has been getting dialysis for years and I promise you that his 30 something self has no quality of life. (Good news is he is finally up for a kidney) Everything revolves around dialysis and the toll it takes on his body. I honestly think he only does it for his mom :-(

Your mom has had a long life and now it's her season to die. I am so sorry that you are losing your mom, it's not easy, no matter our age.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and peace to know that you did the very best you could and it was good.
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mummybabygirl May 29, 2025
Thank you for your sharing. Yes, we agreed to her will to refuse dialysis because she believes her quality of life will be lower and more sufferings because of the troublesome process. But when she told me last 2 days that her doctor informs her that her time is limited and asks her to enjoy life, it just hit me hard… I thought I am prepared for the outcome… in reality, I am not and I don’t think I’ll ever do. I felt like I just woke up from a nightmare. Tears just roll down uncontrollably, heartaches that last throughout the day. It could because she looks healthier than her medical report at this point of time.

thank you for your kind sharing.

at this point of time, we can only pray to God for the best of everything. (Hugs.)
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Having had a mother who went through four years of misery following a horrid stroke, I’d say you’ve done well by your mother. Prolonging life doesn’t always mean a good, productive, or happy life. It certainly didn’t for my mom. You’ve followed your mother’s wishes, I’m sure she’s proud of you for it. It doesn’t make it easier to watch her decline or anticipate the loss. Spend these days holding her hand and trying to enjoy just the moment. Living in doubt isn’t needed, you’ve done well, and I wish you and mom both peace
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mummybabygirl May 29, 2025
Yes, keep holding her hands and make fond memories are what we will be doing for the coming months. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I will stop doubting our choice and facing it courageously. May God continue to show us love, courage and peace.❤️

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved mom too.
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Whenever someone is taking medication, there are going to be side effects especially for older people. My mom has build up fluid in her legs which backs up to her heart so she takes diuretics to relieve the fluid yet at the same time they are not good for her kidneys. A lot of the time one condition is being treated yet at the same time, something else is adversely affected. It’s a delicate dance doctors have to weigh everyday. Stop being hard on yourself. You’re doing right.
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mummybabygirl May 29, 2025
Thanks a lot, Catch22. During this period of time, every kind words from you help. I will be strong and courageous for my family!
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