I just realized yesterday that my father is laying one heck of a guilt trip on me. All this time, he's been telling me how unhappy he is, how he just wants to go home, the food is horrible, this place is horrible, you get the idea...
On my way up to his room yesterday, one of his CNAs got on the elevator with me and began telling me how great he's doing - participating in activities, going to the dayroom, playing dominoes with others, interacting and engaging with other people! When I get to his floor, I see him out in the dayroom, playing dominoes and seeming to be enjoying himself UNTIL he sees that I am there. Almost immediately I see his attitude change, he starts getting pissy with his playing partner and with me. So I take him downstairs to see my uncle and within two minutes, he's saying he wants to go back upstairs. As we are going to and fro, he's telling me how much he hates this place, etc. By this time I've realized what he is doing and I start to become a little detached and when he clams up and won't pay attention to me, I decide it's time to go. So, as I'm leaving, I run into another CNA and she begins telling me the same thing - about how he's engaging and going to activities...and it really begins to sink in that he's putting a guilt trip on me because he knows how I feel about him being there. I am the one that cries when it's time to go cause I don't want to leave my father someplace he's not happy.
So as this realization came to me, I begin to get angered that he is taking advantage of me like this! So do I say something about it to him or just let it ride and just keep in mind what he's doing? I feel so stupid for not seeing this earlier!
I called her yesterday to arrange a trip to the hair salon and lunch out and she told me she needed to check her calendar to be sure she was free! It took 6 months but she is finally settling in.