Ok here's my story in a nutshell.
My 90 yr. old mother lives at my home with me and my daughter for the past 15 yrs. My oldest sister lives at my mother's home ( rent free) for the past 19 yrs. and is my mom's Power of Attorney ( controlling everything) I do not receive any type of stipend or compensation for my mother. I pay for everything in my home ( and by the way I am single parent and have been for the past 21 years) My mother has been in the hospital twice this year for her legs, as she has very limited mobility. My oldest sister does not want to put mom in a skilled nursing facilty, as she would have to sell my mothers house ( and she would have no other place to live) In meantime , my mother needs 24 hr.supervision at my house. I put a stair lift in my home, and re-arranged my living spaces to a degree to accomodate my mother. My 2 sisters take turns staying at my home during the day when I go to work Monday-Friday. All evenings and weekends are on me! ( even though I work at least 50 hrs a week at the office and bring additional work home.) I am on complete burn-out with this way of living, since I can not have any type of life outside my house. I can not even spend time with my daughter, go out to dinner with friends, or even take a vacation ( have not been able to go anywhere, not even for a weekend, for 5 years now ) My sisters can not take my mom to their homes, because of her mobility issues, Nor will they stay overnight at my home to give me some relief. My other sibling (a brother) is totally useless and out of the picture. Nothing from him!
So I feel "stuck " in this situation. I don't want my mother to feel that this is something she has caused, and I try my best to deal with the situation, but my family does not understand how burned-out I am.
Any suggestions on how to deal with my siblilngs, or this complete mess of a situation would be much appreciated.
(By the way, all 3 of my siblings are retired . My oldest sister and middle sister do not have children)
The important thing, though, is that Sis is a tenant in Mom's house and may have to be evicted in order to get the house sold. That might require some negotiation with her, such as a buyout, to get her to move. A few thousand dollars (like $5,000, for example) as an incentive to avoid the expense and trouble of eviction might be the way to go.
I'd consult a trust and estate attorney to see what your options are. You have a right to compensation at least from this point forward.
You have all the responsibility but none of the power. This must be changed immediately.
Option #1 POA sister arranges Mother'care. Either in Mother's home with paid care or in a care facility.
This involves you Letting Go.
Option #2
You are nominated POA instead. Then you have the legal ability to use Mother's funds to pay for her care, wherever that is. Her home, your home, a new home.
This involves your sister Letting Go.
I really hate the word *selfish*. I won't go into that now except to say everyone has acted in the way their values & thoughts have directed them.
That can be unpacked later.
For now, a NEW PLAN is needed for Mother. One that works for everyone IN the plan. Right now, it works for your non-helping siblings very well!
But is it working for you?
Getting angry is the first step.
Using that energy towards CHANGE is next.
Thoughts?
If your mom does not have dementia, she should change her POA over to you so you can sell the house without your oldest sisters approval. Furthermore, you should start charging mom for room and board (33% of your expenses) so you can make ends meet a bit more easily, as a single mom with a demanding job.
Your eldest sibling has no right to be sitting on her butt, doing nothing, paying no rent and living a carefree lifestyle on your mother's dime, while you're literally killing yourself with all these responsibilities. Talk to mom about switching POA powers over to you and get the ball rolling asap. Or else read twisted sissy the riot act and drop mom off back on her own doorstep for her to start caring for. You've done enough for 15 years already!
Best of luck to you
But regardless of cause, the No-Rent Sibling now feels entitled to a free house.
This just isn't how life usually works. Someone has to start the process of letting reality in.
If Ms No-Rent has issues preventing her from finding & funding her own housing - then she can be assisted to locate the right help.
But gosh, she probably has a tidy sum tucked away after all those years...