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I am 43 with back problems that send pain down into the feet making it hard to walk at times. I am bulking at the idea of a wheelchair because my mother would be pushing it. It seems selfish to have her do this. Instead I limit what it is that is done. This causes other family members to have a hard time. I understand the desire to partake in activities other then eating. What is more selfish?

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Nevada...Not selfish it is keeping you safe and you realize your limitations.
BUT
Please encourage the family to do things on their own that you can not or wish not to do.
AND
Have you thought about getting an electric scooter that you can operate on your own so no one has to push you? Some of them are very light and easy to put together so you could even go out on your own if you wish. I have seen some with pretty tough wheels that would even allow you to go to parks and on "hikes"
It is very possible that after a discussion with your doctor this could be ordered so it would possibly be covered as a piece of DME (durable medical equipment) it is certainly worth looking into.
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Grandma1954 Feb 29, 2020
adding to my post...I obviously did not read Nevada's post. I did not realize she was blind as it is not in the question nor in her profile.
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Nevada, I don't call this a matter of "selfishness." Not one way or the other. It's both more material and more important than that.

It's a matter of your leading a fulfilled life with maximum independence; and what's more of your mother having peace of mind through knowing that she will be able to step back without guilt or worry when you're ready, and that her role won't have to be taken over by resentful or otherwise struggling family members.

Why are you stuck with these "either/or" choices? How about a wheelchair you can operate, with your mother or somebody else prompting you verbally or assisting with steering it? What about other people to support you, or an assistance dog?

If it isn't too personal and intrusive a question, were you born without sight or else when you did you lose your vision?
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anonymous1001830 Feb 29, 2020
Country Mouse your post is some what puzzling. I don't know how I would control a motorized wheelchair. I have and my family has never heard of a blind person driving the chair. It would be like driving a vehicle with prompts. I did have a neighbor that did that until the doctor toke the license away from the person. I was born premature and ended up loosing most of my vision from oxygen toxicity. Then as a young adult I had cataract surgery and the retina was too weak to handle the surgery. I chased down keeping the vision I had and ended up losing it all. Several years later my back problems became too much to live with. Physical therapy caused more damage. The orthopedic surgeon did not want to operate. The neurosurgeon wanted me to have "conservative" treatment in his facility that he had partial ownership in. I had the nerves in the neck fried to stop headaches and eye pain. That caused my back to go out along with Manny more health problems. Finally I had the back surgery by the original doctor. It took him two surgeries to fix one disk properly. Now I have a large mass of scar tissue in the back that is causing the pain and walking problems. That scar tissue was supposed to be treated but then he did use screws that were too large for the area and were not connected the first time in surgery. It is learning how to live the pain and finding out who can help.
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Well, I think you have no other choice but to be pushed around in a wheelchair when going out since you are totally blind and in pain, making it hard to walk. If your mother does not mind pushing you, I would seriously not worry about it or start beating yourself up about being 'selfish'. You need help and your mother is helping you, as you would do for her in the same situation. That's what family does: they help one another when help is needed, without guilt, without the need for payback and without condition. That's the definition of Love.

Best of luck to you, dear one.
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anonymous1001830 Feb 28, 2020
You have a good point. I look at others that my family is able to help and they are resistant to excepting help without payback. I want to say to them to humble themselves and just except the gift. I should eat my own words. Thank you for your post.
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It seems that determining what is the best option for the situation would be prudent and it wouldn't have anything to do with being selfish. I would explore what the diagnosis is and if walking is good for your condition or not. I recently had a condition and saw an orthopedic doctor and physical therapist. I learned that for my condition, moving was a plus and that sitting was most likely aggravating my problem. So for me, walking, stretching, and strengthening was the best treatment. I have found they were right. But, since I don't know your condition, I don't know if that would be right for you. Some people have paralysis and are unable to walk. Have you seen a doctor and physical therapist and gotten any recommendations for being more mobile or what would be best for your condition? If the doctor prescribes it, then, no one should take issue.

If you need the wheelchair, I'd pursue it without guilt. It's just being pragmatic. If you don't think your mom is up for pushing you, can you get training on how to do it yourself, if able. I would think the association for the blind may have some services as well that might help with aiding your independence.
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JoAnn29 Feb 25, 2020
Op is blind.
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The only way you will get out is with help. Otherwise, you are stuck in a house all day. As long as u do as much as u can do for yourself, I would think the family is glad to help you.

If ur blindness is not recent, then you have been taught how to get around. If recent, hopefully ur finding ways to do as much as u can by yourself. But, u also need to know your limits and ask for help. I find it frustrating when a friend tries to do it all themselves and I am there to give a hand. Just have to ask.
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anonymous1001830 Feb 29, 2020
I have been blind for most of my life. As a child and young adult I was visually impaired. Then the vision went completely. I was taught independent living skills as a fully mobile individual. My Mom gets me out walking at least once a day to keep me from losing mobility. When I can't handle the pain I say as much and either stay home or wait in the vehicle until the family is done shopping. That is how we or I have wanted to handle the problem. My brother would like to walk in places that would require a wheelchair. I have had the attitude that life has changed and do the best to except it. Thank you for your advice.
After the back surgery the help from the ppt was less then impressive. I was trying to use a walker and my Mom would have to put her foot along side the walker to keep it straight. The pt said when asked that all walkers run off balance. Then I was told I was fighting to keep the walker straight and it was of no use to me. My brother should have received the pay for the pt's work. He has shown me how to use the walker much better then the paid professionals.
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Why would your mother have to push the wheelchair? Are you not able to use your arms to wheel yourself around?

If you are simply wanting to stay home while your family goes out, I don’t see why it causes them a hardship. You have to think about yourself and your physical well-being. Sounds like you are living with chronic pain so personally I don’t think it’s selfish to stay behind when you don’t feel up to leaving the house and I don’t consider it a hardship. My mother has advanced COPD and needs a motorized scooter when leaving the house. Now that is what I consider a hard time for the family because it requires an able-bodied person to load it on to the ramp on the back of the car and secure it to the ramp and then unload it. Moms ramp doesn’t lower all the way to the ground so my brother has to lift it a few inches. And it does limit where we can go. So that’s what I think of when I hear the word “hard time”.
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anonymous1001830 Feb 25, 2020
I am totally blind also. It is not that I do not want to go out. Sorry for the confusion
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Can you clarify what you are saying, it is a bit confusing.

If you are being stubborn and it is causing hardships for your family, I think that you know the answer.
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anonymous1001830 Feb 25, 2020
I guess the best way to answer your question is that we went to the OKC Federal Memorial last weekend. I was in the wheelchair offered by the site. My Mom was the only person in the family that had to stand. She did not mind but it makes me feel bad. It seems like it should be me helping my Mother at this point in life.
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