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I have been living in hell for the past few months. My mom is living with me and my husband wants her out. Let me start from the beginning. 3 1/2 yrs ago I had to bring my mother to live with me after hurricane Maria destroyed Puerto Rico. She is suffering from dementia and when she arrived she was in critical condition. She was malnourished and she was completely uninterested in spending time with the family, the first 1 1/2 she spent most of the time in her room. The last 1 1/2 she started to want to be around more, but she started to wonder, she already got lost twice and the police had brought her back home. After these two episodes, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I have to place my mom in a 24 care facility. That was the first issue I had with my husband because it took me some time to accept that fact. Now, my mom doesn't have a lot of money, but she has a property in Puerto Rico that we are in the process of selling. When everything is set and done she will probably net around 38k-40k, not much. I am going to use some of the money to pay for the place she is going to live until Medicaid kicks in, I am going to keep some money safe to get her the things she is going to need. The issue is that because we have been providing for her for the last 3 1/2 yrs my husband wants to keep half of this money.

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To me, it sounds like the care & accommodation you provided was given as a free & loving gift in a time of crises.
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MMCC69 Aug 17, 2020
Yes, that's exactly how I feel. I don't know if it is a cultural thing, but where I come from we take care of our elders, without expecting anything in return. Especially if they don't have anything to give back. I would understand if my mom had enough money to spread to around, but she doesn't. This is taking a great toll in our marriage, because now am questioning the type of person I’ve been married for 20yrs. I am extremely devastated by this. 😔
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Unless you had an agreement that was signed I don’t believe you can do this.
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Get a lawyer. Hubby is not going to have that choice, and to do things illegal on his own is fraud. It would deny your Mom care and get him in a stew.
See a lawyer at once. You are dealing with selling for your Mom. These assets need to be carefully documented and overseen.
SEE A LAWYER. And to be frank, this is your mother. See him without your husband if this is the kind of input he is giving you typically. You need legal advice.
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MMCC69 Aug 17, 2020
I already talked to a lawyer, and she explained it cannot be done, and how the money has to be accounted for. I just want to do the best thing for my mom, under the circumstances.
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You better make sure that the lawyer u pick is very well versed in Medicaid. Once Mom was on Medicaid I was paying out of pocket for utilities to keep the house going because it was up for sale. I was told to keep very good records but the caseworker doubted that Medicaid would allow me to be reimbursed. Medicaid may feel the proceeds from tthe sale of the property is needed for her care.

40k will only pay about 4 months of LTC. Thats just about the time it takes to get Medicaid set up. Better u private pay a few months. Easier to get her in. She will only be allowed 2k in the bank. Does she collect SS? If so, that will be used to offset her care less Personal Needs Acct money, in my state it $50. This can be used on things she needs.
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You may want to talk to a lawyer who specializes in elder law and estate planning. Your husband is right and you may be entitled to a share of that money for providing room, board, and care for your mother after she moved in with you. She was provided for and cared for in your home and you deserve to be paid for that. Consult with an elder lawyer and see if there's a way for you to get some of the proceeds from the property sale instead of watching it just all get handed over to a nursing home. 40 thousand dollars is just about four months in a nursing home. You and your husband took care of her for three and a half years.
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Thank you for your response. I have been trying to explain this to him, but he doesn't understand. Plus, I morally feel it is wrong.
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Your husband will not get to keep half the money, so he needs to get that out of his mind. She will need to spend down all($2000) of it to qualify for Medicaid. Three is no way around that.
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Medicaid will need a detailed accounting of all her assets, if it were that easy everyone would be doing it.
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