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I moved mum into a brand new facility literally 5 minute drive from me. I am the one that runs around for her, visit 3-4 times a week taking her out for two of those days and l look after all finances. My sibling and two of her friends live about 1 hour drive away but close to where mum used to live.


Even when mum was home my sibling would only visit once a fortnight for max 1 hour. Her friends would drop in maybe once a week to check in on her. I did the right thing and looked at facilities near them but they were old tired and awful. It has taken mum 17 months to finally settle and she says she likes where she is and loves the staff. They make me feel guilty ‘can’t visit every week too far to drive’ ‘didn’t realise how close she is to me.’ Sibling is always too busy and visits maybe once every 2 weeks. Mum never sees her grandkids as they are all older now with their own lives. Sibling asked if I would be moving her - I said not just to make it easier for you! Am I being selfish??

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No one seemed to care when you were the one driving an hour doing everything for her. It only matters when it is an inconvenience to them. No you have nothing to feel guilty for.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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You’ve done a great job looking after your mom! She’s blessed to have you in her corner. As for the others, they just got the excuse they’d been longing for not to bother visiting much. They had other excuses before, the distance just added another. If you’d moved mom close to them the excuses would still be there, just different ones. Use your mental delete button to not listen or pay any attention to them
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Your sibling sounds like a complete....narcissist. (There are other words for this, but they'd get me kicked off this forum).

If your sibling wants your mom moved closer (which she doesn't, she just wants to assuage her guilt) and is prepared to do all the planning and will be happy to take over all the visiting, taking mom out for appointments, etc, then let her have her way.

You? Don't lift a finger. You've done exactly what was best for your mother!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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