I have been taking care of my disabled mother for 6 years now. I have lost jobs taking care of her and had to postpone school on top of being a single mother. I finally managed to graduate with my master's degree and I am currently working. I have been managing the bills with her money and sometimes mine. I make sure she gets to doctor's appointments, hair appointments, get the clothes she needs and has transportation to places she wants to go. Of course this was easier before covid, but now she is somewhat stuck in the home. I still make sure she takes her medications on time, sees the doctor, has food, etc. We had a verbal agreement 6 years ago that I could live in her home with my daughter if I took care of her. I was never really asked to contribute to the home but I do. I clean the entire house on top of paying a few bills here and there. I make sure the grass is cut, her home is taken care of, the car is paid off and taken care of....but I still feel like I am not doing enough. Every time I try to talk to her about how tired I feel and how she hurts me, she turns it back on me and blames me for everything. She has told me to get out of her house numerous times over the years, then she comes back to me and says she needs me. I feel like I am on a roller coaster and nothing has changed since my childhood. I was never really close to her because she hurt me so much growing up, and now I am having to take care of her. There were times she has almost died and I was there for her. Every time she has a seizure I take care of her. I made sure she got life alert and got alarms and cameras put in the home through her insurance and doctor's advice, but it is never enough. She says things to me that make me feel like a bad daughter and a bad mother to my own daughter. I continue to take care of her, but I feel like I just have to absorb everything she says to me and suck it up because she is my mom and needs help. She constantly threatens to kick me out and then calls her friends to talk trash about me, even her pastor. She says all these mean things about me but then says she needs me. She tells me without me she wouldn't have this and that, but then there are times where she demands I just put her in a nursing home and get out. She locks herself in her room at times and says she is afraid of me when I get upset. Sometimes I get so upset I yell at her and then I feel bad because it takes me back to when I was a child and I felt small. Then I feel bad for yelling in her home. I feel out of control sometimes because I do not know what to do with my feelings and I just end up crying or shouting at her to leave me alone. I feel like maybe I really am a bad caregiver to her and a bad daughter and this is why we were never close. I feel like she deserves someone better to take care of her and I have been doing such a bad job for these 6 years. It makes me feel so worthless and angry because I have given up parts of my life at times to be there for her. I feel like a horrible person and like I need to do more or do better. Then on top of that I feel horrible for not having enough money saved up to leave because my jobs have been so inconsistent when taking care of her. I finally got a stable job, but I am just now able to start saving and I am constantly being told to leave. She talks to me like it is always my fault and I am starting to think everything really is my fault. I have no one to talk to about it. I don't have anyone around me I can really trust. I tried to talk to my dad about it but he says just ignore it, or thinks I am being dramatic, so then I think I am just being dramatic and stupid. I say that I am thankful for her and having a place to live daily because I thought maybe I was being stupid to complain about what is going on. I'm not the disabled one and I feel so angry towards my mom. I care about her a lot, but I feel like I am worthless and not doing enough. I feel like a horrible person to her and my child and in general.