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My husband is 91 and has Alzheimer's. I know nothing about this disease and the progression. He certainly is not the man I have been married to for 43 years. He was very very active and creative. Now he just sits and watches tv. He laughs a lot, even when it is not funny. There are times when I am struggling to do something and he will sit there and watch me. Then when I am almost done, he will say, can I help you? He is ambulatory but only gets up to go to the bathroom. I am 77 and have emphysema, neuropathy, and many more issues. It is hard for me to keep up the house, laundry, cooking, etc. So I get angry at him for not trying harder to help. Actually, physically I am in worse shape than he is, so that is why I get angry and will lash out at him now and then. How do I keep that under control?

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Educate yourself about the disease so you have some idea what you're up against. AD is nothing like any other disease and takes its toll on the caregiver. "The 36 Hour Day" and "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's" are very good books for a caregiver. Because of your medical issues, you need help around the house. Don't expect him to help out because his lethargy is part of the disease. And he may not even realize he could help. You need to seek some home care to give you a hand with housekeeping. Your local Area Agency on Aging would be a good first step. Give them a call.
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You should watch Teepa Snows videos on YouTube. She knows her stuff.
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You are doing a difficult thing and it will get more so. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. If you are financially secure, you can consider agency help and have them come in for a few hours every day so you get a regular break. I wish you all the best. May you receive peace in your heart.
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