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I am sorry for the long journey your mother has endured. It is legal and ethical for adults to refuse medical treatment and interventions. Had she completed an advance directive at some earlier time And in the end stages of Alzheimer's, people really do not care for food or drink. It is just biology. My colleague, Joanne Lynn, and I, have written about this topic for our book, "Handbook for Mortals," and have a whole chapter on this very thing. You can read it for free, online, if you google the title. I hope you find some comfort there.
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My experiences are similar with my own mother before her death in April. Mom had Alzheimer's for just about 8 years as well. After Christmas last year, she began to show similar signs as your Mom is now showing you. The nursing home noticed as well, that Mom was sleeping or keeping her eyes closed so as not to be "bothered" by the staff or visitors. She would not take food and would not try to communicate when I was visiting, which was very unusual and very upsetting to me. Please let me tell you what I came to learn in those last days with my mother preparing to pass. While she was "unresponsive" or so I thought, I would sit and hold her hand and massage her with lotion and basically tell her how much she was loved and appreciated all of my 57 years as her daughter. I did not know if she was hearing me or not, but I continued this for several days when I would sit with her. When it was clear that she was not going to be with us much longer I called in family to say their goodbyes. To my amazement, my mother gave me one lasting gift. She matter of factly opened her eyes and clearly heard me tell her "I love you" as she answered me back in a feeble voice "I love you". My point is this, I firmly believe everything I did and said to my mother was deeply felt by her and it was the most profound experience in my life to stay with her as she passed. Spend your time wisely with your Mom these next days and weeks as her body is doing important work in preparing to pass. My blessings to you.
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First i would like to say i am very sorry for all you have been going through , and yes i know about this my dad was alzheimers 3 years was horrible and my mom cared for him the last 6 weeks he was placed in a nh yes he checked out he stopped eating and did not partake in nothing however this is what the disease does it slowly takes them, he gave up failer to thrive was listed on first line on his death cert. and chf, and other health problems let her be let her go , he also told my mom he did no twant to live like this and died 2 hours later he closed his eyes and took his last breath GOD answered our prayers we do not want the ones we love to hang on to a life of alzheimers and i am a caregiver for this as well so just pray and remember her in good memories . i think back alot with my dad and i am so thankful for whom he was in my life and he had a long life but remember death is the beginning of life ........
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It sounds like she has made her choice. Let her be. Why would you want to prolong her life in this condition? I would let her go with the dignity that she has chosen. I have a husband who is still lucid, but I dread the day that you are talking about. I would be grateful if he chose this path! And I love him very much! We've been married for 37 years.
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