Can an Alzheimer's patient decide they are ready to die?

My experiences are similar with my own mother before her death in April. Mom had Alzheimer's for just about 8 years as well. After Christmas last year, she began to show similar signs as your Mom is now showing you. The nursing home noticed as well, that Mom was sleeping or keeping her eyes closed so as not to be "bothered" by the staff or visitors. She would not take food and would not try to communicate when I was visiting, which was very unusual and very upsetting to me. Please let me tell you what I came to learn in those last days with my mother preparing to pass. While she was "unresponsive" or so I thought, I would sit and hold her hand and massage her with lotion and basically tell her how much she was loved and appreciated all of my 57 years as her daughter. I did not know if she was hearing me or not, but I continued this for several days when I would sit with her. When it was clear that she was not going to be with us much longer I called in family to say their goodbyes. To my amazement, my mother gave me one lasting gift. She matter of factly opened her eyes and clearly heard me tell her "I love you" as she answered me back in a feeble voice "I love you". My point is this, I firmly believe everything I did and said to my mother was deeply felt by her and it was the most profound experience in my life to stay with her as she passed. Spend your time wisely with your Mom these next days and weeks as her body is doing important work in preparing to pass. My blessings to you.

It sounds like she has made her choice. Let her be. Why would you want to prolong her life in this condition? I would let her go with the dignity that she has chosen. I have a husband who is still lucid, but I dread the day that you are talking about. I would be grateful if he chose this path! And I love him very much! We've been married for 37 years.

I just experienced this at the end of September. The nursing home had my mom so messed up and they put her in the psych ward of a crappy hospital and tried all different drugs to try to help with her anxiety levels. Nothing worked and they had her strapped in a wheelchair all day. It was horrible to see but I know that she was so unsteady on her feet that she would fall if she would get up and she did fall numerous times during the night getting out of bed. That being said, mom would pretend also that she was sleeping when we would visit. I had not been there for a little over a week and my daughter had asked to visit her grandma. When we got there to our surprise, mom had declined so much that it took our breath away and I actually cried when I saw what had happened within a weeks time. She still knew us which made my happy that she saw my child. However they told me mom had not been eating for about 5 days. I came back two days later and she was still not eating. I knew in my heart she had given up and was dying. I told the social worker and the doctor she was dying and needed to be in hospice that day and they agreed and did the paper work. Mom was moved the next moring to hospice. Thank God for them. They helped mom relax and we were all there for the next 4 days saying our goodbyes and spending those finals moments on earth with our mom. Even though mom was sleeping most of the time when her brother and sister came into the room after not having seen her for months she started to cry even though she could not speak. She also cried to me when I held her head and prayed with her. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to endure in my life as I was her caregiver for 9 years in my home. It was also the most rewarding experience because I was able to help mom through this horrid disease even though at times it was so difficult. I was able to be with her when she left this world and my heart is happy because she left the way she lived her life. With dignity and respect. If you loved one is not eating or drinking, please let them go the way my mom went. It is the greatest gift you can give anyone you love. Let them leave this world knowing they are so loved but yet they are leaving on their terms. God Bless everyone who has to make this decision going foward. I'm proud of my decison and did what my mom wanted.

I hope you are able to find comfort while performing your difficult duties. You are doing a very good thing for your mom. Let me add insight as a lawyer (licensed in Pennsylvania only). You state that your mother is refusing food. As ilshuyster821 mentioned above, that is common for someone who is terminally ill, no matter what state they live in. The United States Supreme Court has recognized a individual's right to decline medical treatment, grounded in the Fourteenth Amendment's guarantee of personal liberty.(The Cruzan case in 1990).

I would like to mention two additional things. You state that you are the agent under a medical advance directive, and you might be reluctant to act because you do not know if your mom has the capacity to understand the choice due to her dementia. That is your job as the agent, to make the choices, when she cannot. Do not feel bad about it, she asked you to do that. Your standard is to do what your mom would do if she were able to make the choice herself. If your mom was okay, would she want to continue to live, or would she want to die? None of us readers know that choice better than you do. Please to not feel guilty about your choice, your mom is blessed to have someone available to make that choice for her.

Please also look into hospice and palliative care, both of which are covered under Medicare. You can receive hospice care and recover and that is okay. Recovery does not frequently, but it does happen now and then, and that is not a problem. But hospice will also provide some benefits for you, too.

My mother exhibited the same symptoms, I let her be and tried to make her as comfortable as possible, she passed about 5 days later. I stayed with her the whole time, through her dying process. I think it was a comfort to her. It is not an easy task for anyone, I pray things go well for you both during this difficult time.

I went through this with my husband of 46 years. He developed vascular dementia after a massive stroke. The last couple of days he would still take his medication, which took about 1 hour, with lots of patiently waiting for him to open his mouth. He was a diabetic and a heart patient (heart attack, 2 bypass surgeries and he had an cardiac defibrillator implant) he seemed to know he needed them. But food, drink became another matter, and I could see in his eyes he was ready to let go. So I did, as smg2013 did - I massaged him, talked to him, reminiscing about our life, the wonderful times we had (the stroke took away his personal memories), how much I loved him. He would sometimes squeeze my hand, or just smile. It is so very painful to do and to let go, but it made him relax, peaceful until the end. And that was for me the only solace I had - he was finally at peace. I wish the same to you and your mother.

First i would like to say i am very sorry for all you have been going through , and yes i know about this my dad was alzheimers 3 years was horrible and my mom cared for him the last 6 weeks he was placed in a nh yes he checked out he stopped eating and did not partake in nothing however this is what the disease does it slowly takes them, he gave up failer to thrive was listed on first line on his death cert. and chf, and other health problems let her be let her go , he also told my mom he did no twant to live like this and died 2 hours later he closed his eyes and took his last breath GOD answered our prayers we do not want the ones we love to hang on to a life of alzheimers and i am a caregiver for this as well so just pray and remember her in good memories . i think back alot with my dad and i am so thankful for whom he was in my life and he had a long life but remember death is the beginning of life ........

Yes Deardau this happened to me also with my mom. She was in a nursing home too and in some pain. She refused food and water also. Stayed in her room/bed during her final week. When I went to visit she did let me spoon feed her some pudding and sipped water. She told me they were getting her room ready for her(in heaven). She had pneumonia but refused meds. Before reading all of the above responses I wasn't really sure if she was controlling the end of her life. I couldn't believe a person could do this. But now I am sure that is what happened. It is sad but they are at peace now. Now I keep waiting for my peace to begin and after reading these other people here with similar experiences I think I have started to feel some peace. Take care.

Oh my gosh--my heart is breaking for you and your mom. Yes, I think this is the beginning of the end. This is what happened w/my mom (who was 90) just a few months ago. 8 days before she passd away we rushed her to the hospital because she was all of a sudden unresponsive. she had started with the not wanting to eat--and she had been eating like a truck driver! I had just been talking to her and that fast it was like she fell asleep but wouldn't wake up. I thought she would die that day. Later in the hospital she said--and these words haunt my every minute--"I've got to go. I'm sorry. Don't forget me. I will always be with you." This was a Sat. By Mon she had rallied and went shoppiong w/her aide! By the afternoon, though, the same thing happened, and by the following Sun she was gone. PLEASE DO GET HOSPICE INVOLVED. It will make things easier for her and you. I am so grateful for the help we got. I miss her every day. You are in my thoughts.

Mom has an advanced directive in place and I fully support her right to choose to die if that is what she's doing. I was just wondering if she has the capacity to understand a choice to die considering her dementia. Thank you smg2013 for your supportive comment. On a side note, my brother visited her yesterday- he hadn't seen her since July (lives far away) and he felt that Mom didn't know him or his wife. So sad for him. I just feel so bad for Mom that she's so unhappy. I hope for all our sakes that the end comes quickly and peacefully. She wouldn't want this life. No one would.