She agrees to go but then cancels because she doesn't feel good that day and doesn't want to go. Then I get a call from her Doctor telling me that she has canceled again. I'm beyond frustrated and getting very angry. The other day when this happened, I lost it! I said I was "done" and hung up on her. I'm so ashamed of my reaction to her. I've expolained so many times why going to her Doctors are so important, she agrees to go "no matter what", but then canceled again. Also, I am the one who takes her to the Doctor appointment and schedules my family around her appointments, but I also have a Son with severe autism, so I have to keep a pretty tight schedule. What can I do to restore our relationship and get her the help she needs??

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I agree with jeannegibbs - start by apologizing and explaining how important these doctor visits are. My mother-in-law used to try the same thing with me too, and would say she needed 3 hours to "get ready". I'd get there an hour before and she wouldn't be dressed, etc. So I told her she better hurry or she was going like she was - that I had to take off work to take her to the doctor and, By George, she was going one way or the other - LOL. Needless to say, those episodes got less frequent. So you may have to figure out what works with your mom - being firm or coaxing or both. And another hint - go back with your mother to see the doctor. My mother-in-law wasn't telling him everything and couldn't remember what he said when she got done either. So to save my sanity, I went back with her on every visit and made sure the doctor was aware of everything. Sometimes I even had written notes with me to remind myself what to ask the doctor or inform him of what was going on, etc. Good luck!
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Apologize for your reaction. Tell her you are frustrated because you know how important it is to her well-being and you really want to for her to get help.

My mother (early to moderate dementia) often tries to back out of appointments. I arrived to take her to a doctor's appointment once and she "didn't feel up to it," and wasn't dressed. I said, "Well I'm here and I'll help you dress. You can feel not up to it in the car and at the clinic just as well as you can here." I unbuttoned her pajama top and she saw I was serious. I was pleasant and helpful but very firm. We got to the appointment just a little late.

Mom now lives with my sister. Mom had an appointment with the hair dresser. As the time approached she said, "I just feel like going back to bed. I'm not up to getting my hair done." Sister was kind but firm. "You loved Flo last time. She knows just how you like your hair done. You were so pleased. And your hair needs to be washed. If we don't go to Flo's, I will have to do it in the shower." Mom said, "But I don't know how I'll get there!" So my sister went through it step-by-step. "I will help you up the stairs to the landing, and then you'll sit in the wheelchair that is waiting there for you. I'll push you to the car." Etc. Mom relaxed, and the appointment went well.

Another sister said "Now we know the translation. When Mom says she is not up to something or she needs to go back to bed it means 'I am very confused. I can't remember how to do this and I just want to avoid it'" I think that is a very helpful observation. Mom is going to spend this weekend with me, and I'm going to remember that translation!
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