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I know you cannot rationalize with folks that are nearing Alz/Dem...but can you state back to her; "Well you called me...your fingers touched the key pad..you heard the dial tone and the ringing...and you heard me answer HELLO....does that not mean I am alive?" I try rationalization with my mom even though folks say 'why bother'...I think it does help if I go over the scenario with my mom even if it is 15 times sometimes.
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Oh yes! When my mom does it to me, I think she means it as a 'dig', as in, the only reason you must not be talking to me would be if you are dead. I file this sort of remark under "guilting your adult daughter into caring more'.
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I has something similar,My mums brother died 2 years ago,she seemed ok with it at the time, and I thought she had accepted it.
About 2 weeks ago,she said "Why has Michael not rung me or contacted me recently" I thought,oh no.So I very gently went into what had happened,he had been ill,then went into hospital,and then unfortunately he had passed away,She said "Well,its very rude,he could have rung" I said "I'm sure if he could have he would" She still keeps asking me why he does not ring.She has alzeimers,no one can explain what they are thinking,
There is no rational answer.I think you can over explain.
Its very sad.Has she Dementia?
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I think she's worried about losing you also. Reassure her that you are fine and that she will always be taken care of. If it is just the two of you, you may want to have a plan in place for her care if something were to happen to you. Best Wishes!
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my father passed about 5 yrs ago- he was 95-they were married 27yrs,not a peaceful marriage-very angry ,screaming etc.
but he always kept in contact with her , and we all would go out birthdays,some holidays- he called her everyday until he became very ill.
she has said to me- how is dad- or he is very sick right?
or he was a smart man- but he suffered so- had a hard time-
where is he? he talks to me sometimes-why doesnt he come over?
I told her he cant come here- he is in another place-
Ill tell her he is with marlene-my sister- my grandparents-and others in the family that have passed.
lately she has said-where is dad?he is dead right?I miss him-
it makes me cry i say yes, he isnt here anymore- but
he is with us, in a different way.
I believe our bodies die, but our souls and our energy dont-
how can u kill energy? we have talked about that a lot in the past-
she wishes she could believe that way- but isnt sure-
i hate this disease!!btw,finally got the dr to start to lower her haldol med. hope it isnt too late.
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My Mom has alz. and has recently asked me if she is dead and I reassure her that she is very much alive and with me and that we all get older and get to go to Heaven someday to be with all our family and friends. That seems to make her happy until the next time she asks me about friends and family that have died but I just keep reminding her that they are in Heaven and we will get to see them when we get there.
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OH sad, my Mom asked me is she was once also, it must be a fear of theirs. On another note, Mom lived alone 10 years and then after she had her strokes she started crying for her husband again, she still thinks he IS alive. We have to say he is on his way home, in the bathroom, etc, and each time she forgets within minutes. They say alz is like peeling an onion and they go back and back and back in time. Sometimes she doesnt believe I am her daughter because ths thinks I am supposed to me little.
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