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My Alz husband has been asking me to take him to the doctor for medication so he can have sex. We have a new home health aid and he is talking to her about it. I spoke with her and she said she is not offended that she knows alz people do that and has experience in that area. I spoke to his doctor to let her know this is something new he has started and she said it is not uncommon but I will have to try and redirect him. Does anyone have any ideas of what to say in trying to redirect and refocus his attention.

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There isn't much you can do to stop an obsession, be it sex or something else. I would just tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and that that is something that should be kept private.
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Ask the doctor for medication. There is a patch that is used to inhibit such urges etc. I'm not sure if it would be appropriate for discussions as you mention. I've seen the patch usedin Memory care facilities where a resident exhibited such tendencies. Good luck!
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Yes take him to do get med to stop him also hire a male nurse for at least 2 shifts and get away from him it may not stop him from talking about wanting it but you will here it far less
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There isn't much/nada/anything you can do to stop an obsession,

Have sex with him.
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DaveIFM, Are you nuts? I went through this with my husband. It is very uncomfortable for the wife to even think about sex with a man who in all probability is dirty, smelly and just plain repulsive. My husband is incontinent, can't remember how to brush his teeth or wipe himself, let alone change his Depends. Would you want to have sex with a wife like that? It has been about a year now that I flat out told him "NO." Don't ask me. He doesn't know my name, or even remember that we are married. About three years ago when he still wanted to be active, he asked me how to do it. He was clueless. I don't know where this lady's husband is in progression, but the whole thing is just not on my mind anymore. And I was very passionate and active during my whole marriage. Even though I love this man dearly and always will, sex is not on the menu anymore. We will be married 37 years in September. We are doing everything else for these husbands. Don't even suggest that we should give more.
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Our doctor prescribed several antidepressants to help curb this, but none worked until Elavil (amytriptiline). It seems to work pretty well.
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The suggestion of an antidepressant makes sense since the drugs tend to diminish sex drive. Naturally, they also have many other side effects so a doctor would have to monitor this carefully, but it's a thought.

I've also heard - no good source to back this up - that some men get obsessive about sex on too high a dose of Aricept. This is likely unique to the man, however.

Talking to the doctor is a must but so is understanding that this type of talk seems to be "normal" when inhibitions disappear and people are left with their basic drives.

Keep up the conversation. Women, particularly, need advice here but men, too have issues with it. They don't always feel comfortable having sex with a woman who really can't consent even though she seems to welcome it. It's a very difficult issue that professionals still struggle with.

Take care all,
Carol
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Shelia this is a very sad progression of your husband's disease when socially acceptible filters in his brain diminish. All the pills in the world even if he does achieve spectacular orgasms he will forget about it the next second and the obsession will continue. This is not a moral issue because he no longer knows what morals are. Try not to take it as an emotional issue for you but rather a progression of his illness. Your aide obviously understands this and is professional enough to not take offence. Employing a male aide will not help. This is common in both men and women if that is any comfort and using any antipsychotics will probably have more of a downside than be helful. It is also very difficult to reliably get patients to take their medications. If there are family members or friends that visit just warn them about this and it is not directed personally to them and if they find it uncomfortable or embarassing to just leave the room and not become personally upset. This disease has changed your husband into someone who does not know you and who you also do not recognise. You are not responsible for his behaviour so do not take responsibility. Try and remember who he used to be and the good times and just think of this man who you still love but but now in a different way
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I know that I resisted giving my husband strong medications when his behavior was challenging. But then, his behaviors in all matters, sexual included, escalated to such a degree he had to be hospitalized and then placed in an assisted living and then memory care setting. SO, ask for, until you get strong enough medication to reduce his anxiety, which is what this is. Agitation brought on by the disease.The spouse with Alzheimer's disease will most likely be manageable at home longer with lots of anti-anxiety medication. When they get to a placement, that's what is done, anyway. Why shouldn 't you get the benefit at home caring for him? And then, folks could remain at home longer. We put up with whatever physical problems our spouses exhibit, but these behaviors are so challenging, only medication can resolve them beyond the very beginning stages.
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Interesting question and great responses. I just watched the Glenn Campbell tour and the series addressed this same issue. Great series on the progression of the illness.
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My Mother was doing the same to my Dad and insisting on having Sex all the time! She would hop on him in the middle of the night and insist on having sex and he would try to tell her they couldn't have sex anymore due to him having prostate cancer that took all of that away. He would calm her down and she would go back to sleep but she would bring it back up in the morning. So Dad knowing that she would forget 10 minutes later what she had just asked told her, "well you have a short memory", and she said what do you mean? He said we just had quite the love making last night and now you want more? We did?? He said yes! She got a big smile on her face and was floating on cloud 9 all day long. It worked for my Dad so you could also try using the same approach. Hope this helps!
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My comments may not sit well with some, but everyone's situation is different and maybe my experience will give some perspective. My husband, Bill, died of Alzheimer's last year on June 23, 2014. Against the advice of many (doctors, therapists, family, friends, etc.), I took care of him at home until he took his last breath in a hospital bed in our bedroom. About two-thirds into his disease, he, too, went through the stage where he was sort of obsessed with sex - only he struggled to maintain an erection, but that didn't deter him. It wasn't possible some of the time - but we went through the motions anyway because it made him happy. I even took him to a doctor who prescribed Viagra, which we tried with some success. I kept him clean so it wasn't repulsive for me. He would even try to masturbate, but with not much success there either because of his erection challenges. Because I was exhausted from caring for him and working from home full-time, I wasn't ever in the mood much - but I knew it made him happy and I loved him dearly and wanted to do this for him.

As the disease progressed, he forgot about sex and most everything else, including how to talk and walk, until he passed away last year. He had no other illnesses, so his physical body was in good shape - even at 73 years old. Bill was always kind of a sexual guy - so as I look back, I'm grateful I was able to give him something I knew he really enjoyed. Even though I really didn't want to, it was a small thing for me to do for him. He lost a lot of his memory, became incontinent and losing control of his thoughts, his words, his balance, etc., etc., etc., so with sexual encounters with me, he at least had something he could actively participate in. He was the most kind, gentle, unselfish human being I've ever known. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandfather and friend - and I love and miss him every single day.
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have sex with him? I tried that once with my hubby who has LBD and it was a nightmare and the last time I will try as I ended up in tears praying to God to help me. Having sex with a man who does not know who you are, is unable to perform, keeps trying for hours but is unable to ejaculate, is not particularly clean is not something any woman should be expected to do.
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No sex here, nor will there ever be again. As someone stated, when the personal hygiene has gone down the toilet, so to speak, there won't be physical contact! He really doesn't seem to have any sexual feelings & he's about late stage 5 & declining. I agree that DavelFM must be crazy! :) Spoken like a man......
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Robin Beamon, I liked the film about Glenn Campbell also. It told it like it is. It didn't get a large audience response however. Alzheimer's disease is not a box office hit. No one wants to know about it. Our friends dropped us right after the diagnosis. Family members refused to believe it and thought I drove him crazy!!!
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Boy, of all the things we have to deal with, this just shouldn't be one of them. Unfortunately it is. I personally don't have that problem since I'm dealing with my mom however, it's kind of like when she WAS able to talk she would just start cussing like a sailor (sorry to all you Naval personnel unfortunately just a saying). This woman never uttered a cuss word in her life and then when she started getting to a certain point the words (some I had to google) would come pouting out of her mouth. My dad was always having to leave a restaurant because it was so embarrassing. My grandmother (my mom's mom) got caught coming out of one of the rooms at her nursing homes stark naked from being with a man and of course my mom got the call and was mortified her mom would do such a thing. Their brains are just not their own anymore. I loved the idea of telling him/her that they had really gone at it the night before! It made them so happy. You just have to join them on their journey and fly by the seat of your pants. There is no right or wrong but telling them it's not going to happen or going ahead and having sex is not the answer. It's like arguing with a 2 year old. They Just don't remember. Good Luck and God Bless.....
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Sheilaallison1: I certainly hope he doesn't try to hook up with the home health aide (if he can)? Mercy!
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Why are so many of you afraid of having sex with your alz spouse I take mine out of the home once a week have wonderful sex and then she is very agreeable to go back to the home. I really think it is great therapy for her (probly in stage 5) it certainly has helped the guilt I had putting her Ina home.she seems very content with this kind of arrangement certainly better than leaving her locked up all the time.try it you may like it
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Obviously you haven't read my answer, Leakey. Because my husband is so incontinent, dirty, never brushes his teeth, AND asks me how to do it when he is amorous. Have I mentioned that he has been impotent for the last 13 years! But he still wanted to try because he couldn't remember!
Does that answer your question? Obviously your wife hasn't reached that stage yet. You just wait! You will be turned off too. And yes I do clean him up regularly but in a matter of hours he is filthy again, requires another shower, cleaning, drying, dressing, etc. Not to mention all the wash I do everyday of soiled clothing. cleaning the bathroom up time after time because it gets all over everything.
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I remember watching a Teepa Snow video that puts an interesting spin on this. Consider that in his own mind he is still a desirable young stud, and you and all these aides (invariably female) are grabbing at his belt or pulling off his clothes. You just want to get him in the bath or clean him up (again!), but all he is thinking is "she's trying to get in my pants" LOL !
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It just keeps happening and happening, so get used to it. It seems that part of the brain got "turned on" extra high. Just go with the flow if that is not something you want to participate in, but do not be alarmed when he masturbates. Let him have his quiet, alone time to do so. Same at my house.
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Ladies and Grentlemen, Your Alzheimer affected spouse isn't "thinking."or even "feeling." Sex is the fourth basic drive after food, shelter. Come to think of it it is more important to an Alzheimer patient than clothing. So third most important drive--not wish. Thoughts about sex last until the day there are no more thoughts. My husband was reaching for the breasts of a well-endowed aide a few days before he died!
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Your redirection should be firm and final--each time. I am very firm with my husband, I tell him to be still about sex, and no I will not go to bed with him, that our sex life is over, and that I am getting sick and tired of his talking about it. He has reduced his sex talk a great deal so that now it is the exception rather than the rule. Dementia patients understand more than the doctors give them credit for. It doesn't hurt to be firm and to even scold once in a while.
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I am Definitely NUTS been a CG toooo long.
Love to fish. Posting forums with bait and watching the fish swarm can be interesting.

As a man {big A grin} you should give more ROFL.

Every woman should have a bottle of Viagra on hand in case he's unable to ejaculate

This post has it right : You just have to join their journey and fly by the seat of your pants. There is no right or wrong but telling them it's not going to happen or going ahead and having sex is not the answer. It's like arguing with a 2 year old.

having sex is not the answer but what if he's clean and nice maybe......
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To DaveIFM, I have no idea what "ROFL" is, but I read your comment because I was curious to hear from a man. I discussed this issue with my husband's doctor once, and he just said, "It's a guy thing", and seemed embarassed I had even brought this subject up. Ladies, when was a man not wanting sex? Just handle your situation anyway you want because you are the only one who knows your husband.
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"ROFL" Rolling On Floor Laughing

Best reply:
Just handle your situation anyway you want because you are the only one who knows your husband.
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Dave, if he was clean and meticulous like he was for 30 years..... sure. He was the best lover ever. And I was def into it!
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Willows YOU r cruel
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Willows thank you I have no intention of having sex with him. He started talking about it yesterday and I told him he was making me uncomfortable and he stopped talking about it. Hope that worked at least for a while. I work full time take him to daycare three times a week before I go to work pick him up on my lunch time and then go back to work I hardly have any respite and sex is out of the question. I am exhausted
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Willow, you are not cruel.....just realistic (in my view anyway).
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