Alzheimer's husband talking about sex all the time. Any advice?

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My Alz husband has been asking me to take him to the doctor for medication so he can have sex. We have a new home health aid and he is talking to her about it. I spoke with her and she said she is not offended that she knows alz people do that and has experience in that area. I spoke to his doctor to let her know this is something new he has started and she said it is not uncommon but I will have to try and redirect him. Does anyone have any ideas of what to say in trying to redirect and refocus his attention.

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The suggestion of an antidepressant makes sense since the drugs tend to diminish sex drive. Naturally, they also have many other side effects so a doctor would have to monitor this carefully, but it's a thought.

I've also heard - no good source to back this up - that some men get obsessive about sex on too high a dose of Aricept. This is likely unique to the man, however.

Talking to the doctor is a must but so is understanding that this type of talk seems to be "normal" when inhibitions disappear and people are left with their basic drives.

Keep up the conversation. Women, particularly, need advice here but men, too have issues with it. They don't always feel comfortable having sex with a woman who really can't consent even though she seems to welcome it. It's a very difficult issue that professionals still struggle with.

Take care all,
Carol
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DaveIFM, Are you nuts? I went through this with my husband. It is very uncomfortable for the wife to even think about sex with a man who in all probability is dirty, smelly and just plain repulsive. My husband is incontinent, can't remember how to brush his teeth or wipe himself, let alone change his Depends. Would you want to have sex with a wife like that? It has been about a year now that I flat out told him "NO." Don't ask me. He doesn't know my name, or even remember that we are married. About three years ago when he still wanted to be active, he asked me how to do it. He was clueless. I don't know where this lady's husband is in progression, but the whole thing is just not on my mind anymore. And I was very passionate and active during my whole marriage. Even though I love this man dearly and always will, sex is not on the menu anymore. We will be married 37 years in September. We are doing everything else for these husbands. Don't even suggest that we should give more.
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My Mother was doing the same to my Dad and insisting on having Sex all the time! She would hop on him in the middle of the night and insist on having sex and he would try to tell her they couldn't have sex anymore due to him having prostate cancer that took all of that away. He would calm her down and she would go back to sleep but she would bring it back up in the morning. So Dad knowing that she would forget 10 minutes later what she had just asked told her, "well you have a short memory", and she said what do you mean? He said we just had quite the love making last night and now you want more? We did?? He said yes! She got a big smile on her face and was floating on cloud 9 all day long. It worked for my Dad so you could also try using the same approach. Hope this helps!
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Shelia this is a very sad progression of your husband's disease when socially acceptible filters in his brain diminish. All the pills in the world even if he does achieve spectacular orgasms he will forget about it the next second and the obsession will continue. This is not a moral issue because he no longer knows what morals are. Try not to take it as an emotional issue for you but rather a progression of his illness. Your aide obviously understands this and is professional enough to not take offence. Employing a male aide will not help. This is common in both men and women if that is any comfort and using any antipsychotics will probably have more of a downside than be helful. It is also very difficult to reliably get patients to take their medications. If there are family members or friends that visit just warn them about this and it is not directed personally to them and if they find it uncomfortable or embarassing to just leave the room and not become personally upset. This disease has changed your husband into someone who does not know you and who you also do not recognise. You are not responsible for his behaviour so do not take responsibility. Try and remember who he used to be and the good times and just think of this man who you still love but but now in a different way
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My comments may not sit well with some, but everyone's situation is different and maybe my experience will give some perspective. My husband, Bill, died of Alzheimer's last year on June 23, 2014. Against the advice of many (doctors, therapists, family, friends, etc.), I took care of him at home until he took his last breath in a hospital bed in our bedroom. About two-thirds into his disease, he, too, went through the stage where he was sort of obsessed with sex - only he struggled to maintain an erection, but that didn't deter him. It wasn't possible some of the time - but we went through the motions anyway because it made him happy. I even took him to a doctor who prescribed Viagra, which we tried with some success. I kept him clean so it wasn't repulsive for me. He would even try to masturbate, but with not much success there either because of his erection challenges. Because I was exhausted from caring for him and working from home full-time, I wasn't ever in the mood much - but I knew it made him happy and I loved him dearly and wanted to do this for him.

As the disease progressed, he forgot about sex and most everything else, including how to talk and walk, until he passed away last year. He had no other illnesses, so his physical body was in good shape - even at 73 years old. Bill was always kind of a sexual guy - so as I look back, I'm grateful I was able to give him something I knew he really enjoyed. Even though I really didn't want to, it was a small thing for me to do for him. He lost a lot of his memory, became incontinent and losing control of his thoughts, his words, his balance, etc., etc., etc., so with sexual encounters with me, he at least had something he could actively participate in. He was the most kind, gentle, unselfish human being I've ever known. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandfather and friend - and I love and miss him every single day.
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have sex with him? I tried that once with my hubby who has LBD and it was a nightmare and the last time I will try as I ended up in tears praying to God to help me. Having sex with a man who does not know who you are, is unable to perform, keeps trying for hours but is unable to ejaculate, is not particularly clean is not something any woman should be expected to do.
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Obviously you haven't read my answer, Leakey. Because my husband is so incontinent, dirty, never brushes his teeth, AND asks me how to do it when he is amorous. Have I mentioned that he has been impotent for the last 13 years! But he still wanted to try because he couldn't remember!
Does that answer your question? Obviously your wife hasn't reached that stage yet. You just wait! You will be turned off too. And yes I do clean him up regularly but in a matter of hours he is filthy again, requires another shower, cleaning, drying, dressing, etc. Not to mention all the wash I do everyday of soiled clothing. cleaning the bathroom up time after time because it gets all over everything.
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I know that I resisted giving my husband strong medications when his behavior was challenging. But then, his behaviors in all matters, sexual included, escalated to such a degree he had to be hospitalized and then placed in an assisted living and then memory care setting. SO, ask for, until you get strong enough medication to reduce his anxiety, which is what this is. Agitation brought on by the disease.The spouse with Alzheimer's disease will most likely be manageable at home longer with lots of anti-anxiety medication. When they get to a placement, that's what is done, anyway. Why shouldn 't you get the benefit at home caring for him? And then, folks could remain at home longer. We put up with whatever physical problems our spouses exhibit, but these behaviors are so challenging, only medication can resolve them beyond the very beginning stages.
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No sex here, nor will there ever be again. As someone stated, when the personal hygiene has gone down the toilet, so to speak, there won't be physical contact! He really doesn't seem to have any sexual feelings & he's about late stage 5 & declining. I agree that DavelFM must be crazy! :) Spoken like a man......
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I remember watching a Teepa Snow video that puts an interesting spin on this. Consider that in his own mind he is still a desirable young stud, and you and all these aides (invariably female) are grabbing at his belt or pulling off his clothes. You just want to get him in the bath or clean him up (again!), but all he is thinking is "she's trying to get in my pants" LOL !
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