How to deal with Alzheimer's husband on a cruise?

At least in the beginning, keep your focus totally on him. Watch for his mood changes; that he's getting enough rest; and be prepared to do some clever tap-dancing as you respond and react him. I think I'd have a tendency to tell him early on in the day exactly what you'll be doing with him with plenty of wiggle room, of course.

Let him know you "hear him" about his concerns, wants and needs. Maybe ask one of the guys to do a thing or two with him, or have him join them as a group.

Try to have a good time. You deserve it. I give you credit for your strength.

Sheila,
I cannot imagine taking him on a cruise! If he was uncomfortable two years ago it is likely to be worse now. In my Mom's case tge last time she wasnout of town and it was just one night in a condo shared with other family. Nobody got any rest that night as Mom kept wandering and wanting to go home.

I would find a facility for him to stay so you can enjoy the cruise, and have some respite for yourself.

Does he have medication that will help him (and you) get to sleep? I would highly suggest that for the cruise. Melatonin is a natural sleep inducer. It has also been shown to help Alzheimer patients in general. Ask your doctor, although most doctors don't understand herbs. If not, ask at your health food store for a recommendation for a natrapath.

I had to stop taking trips wiith my ADW.
Traveling requires everyone must understand the individual has Alzheimer's Disease, be aware of the danger because of the Alzheimer's, Confabulation is common. The person will say things to people containing information that is blatantly false, tell of actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations. The added danger is the answers are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal.
Nothing worse than encountering others on a cruise untrained to care for person with Alzheimer's. A serious danger posed by Alzheimer's disease is when the individual turns around, the place they expect to see is gone and they find themselves standing helplessly confused what they see is different and totally unfamiliar to them.

Think of the position you will put the cruise operators in if he gets worse

Welcome to our special place in h*ll.

Again, here we go with family caregivers taking their elders with AD into public places where people pay to get away from the drudgery of every day life and have a good time, ending up having to witness the evil AD in a man right there in their face. I highly object to people pushing AD patients onto the general public. It's not their problem and should not be subjected to the ugliness of it. After all, the AD patient doesn't know any better, so leave them at home!!

Dirty, WOW! What would you do with them? Lock them up? Throw away the key? Those with dementia need stimulation. And one of the biggest problems with the disease is the lack of understanding and awareness of the profound effects of it.

Though I understand what you are saying, hubby does not belong on this cruise. It would be hard on everybody. Which brings up another question.

Sheila, do you need to board a plane to travel to the departure location? I cannot imagine the frightening possibilities on a plane!

And another of your posts you mention you are awaiting determination on a Medicaid application. Something is not right here.

Did you consider respite care? I am sorry I cannot see how this would be fun for you. Your friends may just go off on their own, after all the are on vacation as well.
I have traveled with my elderly parents, and even cruised with my friend's Very elderly dad, because she could not leave him.....but they did not have AD.
Sorry I think you were trying to hold onto some sense of normalcy in your life. I just do not think this will work out well for you. At the very minimum make sure you have ship health insurance.... You never know what can present.

Best of luck.

My husband is just like yours. He feels safe and comfortable if I am with him. Still I would never attempt to take him on a cruise or any kind of vacation! It is too much work for me to even enjoy the vacation. They do get very confused in a different sleeping environment. Four years ago I took my husband to my daughter's house and he was really feeling lost in that different house. I stopped taking beach vacations two years ago, Now he is in late phase 6 and I can only take him on short outings and our for dinner. That's it. I also take him to Mass every week and even that is beginning to be a challenge. I am not Catholic, but I walk up with him to get the host and I have to turn him around so he goes back to the same seat. I have to tell him to put the host in his mouth. If I don't take him, he misses church and I love that he enjoys something at this point. I agree with others who say find a place to leave him in respite care. I would find it hard to leave my husband too. I would feel GUILTY. Because I know how safe he feels with me around. That one person, dirty dimensia is just awful. I wouldn't want to have that person on my cruise. He would ruin it for everyone. Let's try to be positive on this site!

I've seen over and over families taking their relative with dementia on a 'relaxing' vacation only to discover that it's everything but relaxing.
You're planning a trip that the husband you used to know would have enjoyed. This husband needs routine and security. A cruise is exactly the opposite of that.
As others have advised...call a local AL community and reserve a respite stay for him. Book a few days longer than the cruise so you have a day or so to settle him in there and a day to regroup when you get back. Rather than discuss it (argue) with him, have the doctor 'prescribe' a brief stay for 'rehab'.
Think of your friends who are accompanying you and the other cruise passengers. Your husband is better off at home. You need a break, too. You CAN go without him. He will be fine.

Some truly hateful statements being made, especially DIRTY, I take my ALZ husband everywhere with me, daily, he loves people, just not too many of them at one time, he's cordial, holds doors open & pushes the grocery cart, and loves to eat out! He's 83 in late stage 6. ....and DAVE "Welcome to our special place in h*ll", you need to love it while it's here, yes we all have to give up many things we planned to do, but it's not his/ her fault that they have this dreaded disease. On cruising SHEILA, we were yearly cruisers, last one in 2011, he was very impatient checking in at the airport, then taking him through the "interrogation" line, would have been a disaster but if you go online to TSA website now you can print out Blue cards that you hand to the first station on check-in and they move you up to the front, also you call their hotline 24 hrs prior to flying to let them know your information, arrival time etc, they will be expecting him. Now do the same with the Cruise Lines, let them know now what your situation is, they must be aware, also have pictures with you that you can give them upon boarding if he does get lost on the ship, I can say it's not going to be a great vacation for either of you, and the Dr saying take extra Ativan, you'll have a sleeper on your hands & spend most of the time in cabin. If you booked an outside be extremely careful with that balcony, one wrong turn looking for the bathroom at night, you are in trouble..Take night lights for the cabin. Large crowds is what will be your downfall, and that's all there is, it's way to confusing. Also if you do some research into taking a trip what the consequences will be when you get back home, it takes all the stamina the one with AD has to try and keep a sort of "normal" appearance, once back home they go ballistic - be prepared. I am like you, I wouldn't go if he wasn't going, you'd really have a ball knowing he was locked up somewhere. My husband is also attached at the hip, doesn't know I'm his wife anymore, but knows my name and depends on me. Good luck with this, but be prepared 24/7. PS if we are at the grocery store within an hour he has to get back home to check on his "girls" - two Cockers!

Then stay at home and be with him. You will not have him forever and a cruise can wait. This is more about you than him enjoying himself. I think this cruise would be very disruptive for him, unless you want to drug him for the whole cruise and he can stay in that bigger room.

Sheila, Sounds like you're dealing with an oxymoron to me. On one hand you DON'T want your husband to be agitated without you for 6 days. But on the other hand from your prior experience has proven that your husband DOES get agitated on a cruise. I would be focusing on how to keep him from being in distress and distressing others, rather than forcing a cruise on him. Not fair to him, your friends, passengers who pay good money to have fun & not fair to you. Plus, having so many people shoulder to shoulder for 6 days and knowing someone could pass on the flu or whatever to you or your hubby is scary too. Not worth it in my opinion. Make other arrangements for his care, or just don't go. Sorry.

two pups mom. Hi we haven't talked for a while. I just offered similar advice. My Bill also has to be home after an hour for the children! My three Shelties. He is not liking them as much as he once did though. Now sometimes they get on his nerves! I can't blame him. They get on my nerves, too, when they start barking! Attached at the hip describes it perfectly. We are doing OK…..taking it one day at a time! Bill is in late stage 6 also! We really need to get in touch with each other. How can we do this without sending out mail or phone number to the whole world? Nancy

Wamnanealz, to contact someone privately on this website, click on the person's screen name, then on that page you will find a place to write a message, click on "Private Message" above that box. That way you can write to each other without others reading your messages. Just be sure to click "Private Message" each time you answer back.

Wow. I would never consider taking him. That is no vacation for you or your friends.

Unless you are going on a cruise with a group that has informed the cruise line that its members have Alzheimer's then you are putting the cruise line and its passengers in a precarious situation. You are not entitled to increase the risks at sea. I agree with everyone who has urged you to go on the cruise by yourself and leave your husband in a respite care situation. If you have enough money to afford a cruise then you've got enough to do right by your husband. This isn't just about you. You haven't accounted for all the things that can - and often do - go wrong at sea.

It's great that you are going with a group. Since the time my husband was diagnosed with dementia, we took three cruises. The first two were fairly easy. The last cruise was a little challenging but worked out ok because of extra help from family members. When he felt like he wanted to go home, I sat very close to him in the cabin and played cards or looked at a book until he relaxed. The major challenge I had was that he tended to wander out of the cabin. If you think this might be a problem, take an alarm so you will know if he leaves and have someone stay with him when you take a shower. When he could no longer tolerate noise or crowds I knew it was time to stay home.

When I was taking care of my dad he wanted to take a trip back to where he grew up and where he still had some relatives. He didn't have Alzheimer's but I knew there was no way I could take him on this trip in his condition. I can't imagine taking him on a cruise. Not enough money in the world would get me on a boat for a week with him.

My grandmother took a cruise with my grandfather when his dementia was pretty advanced. Its hard to do, but my best advise is not to take him. It will only confuse him more. Perhaps you look into some memory care facilities near your home and see if they do respite stays. You should be able to find something for 2 weeks.
Again, not the answer you want but the best option and safest option for your husband is to not bring him. Sorry.

Who are you doing this for?

My question to DIRTY is do you feel the same way about children with ADHD or Autism. Should the parents never go on a trip or take them to the zoo or a playground because God forbid people who are there to have fun might be bothered by their behavior. What about someone who served their country and is now in a wheelchair...too much trouble for the cruise staff to deal with and they might inconvenience other passangers so they need to stay home. Just ridiculus. You sound like a selfish idiot. First of all, if you are on a cruise having fun, don't mind anyone elses business, just go on having your fun. If someone elses unintentional behavior and their caregiver's plight bother you so much then maybe you should stay out of the public arena. As for "Sheila", its hard to say if you will be able to enjoy the cruise or not because no can know how your husband will react until you are there. I would just say, be prepared for the worse, keep a close eye on him, keep smiling because he will tell if you are tense and it will make him worse and remember anyone who doesn't understand or sympathize with you on the cruise are just selfish, self absorbed individuals who may very well be in your shoes one day. Melatonin is wonderful. I take it sometimes and mom's doctor has her taking one 3 mg pill every night and she sleeps all night and he said it won't bother any of her medication (but check with his doctor to be sure) Also, if you do decide to leave him in a facility while you go on vacation, please don't feel guilty. Your husband won't remember that you were gone and you deserve a break.

also I believe Medicare will pay for one week of respite per year. But if you really want him with you, it's because you care & love him, so going alone will fill you with guilt the entire time. I know it would me. our last cruise worked because I reserved a table for 2, spent evening time in the more subdued clubs with a cocktail, nice live music with many songs he remembered. movies under the stars, just tried to keep him more in tune with what he could absorb, we did not leave the ship, that was a good time for hot tub & pool time, just take it slow, don't try to keep up with your fellow cruisers. Don't tell him you are going before you get there. Order a wrist ( rubber) band from medic online with info on it. Take the advice on something to alert you if he tries to open the cabin door/balcony door during the night. Do not leave him by himself, ever. The ships are huge!

@dirtydimensia - gees, after reading your post I have to ask what do you think about seeing older people in general?! While I'm stressed to the max, I'm thinking either you're stressed and/or just mean.

I had been taking my mother out for awhile but saw that public places created a huge disorientation in her demeanor and that's why I don't take her. I don't particularly care what YOU think about people with dementia. I do what right for my mom. If you don't want to SEE the effects of aging, I'd suggest You stay away from public places.

So sorry to be so rude. But my goodness.

I hope you get to go, I dream of a cruise with momma would do it in a heartbeat if we could afford it. My momma does not suffer from any agitation and wandering behaviors!
I think a cruise is an excellent choice for a vacation. for one thing the boat is contained for the most part except shore excursions, etc..... so that is somewhat a comfort, but what I really find appealing is the ease of a cruise vacation.especially in caregiving role! More meals and food options than a human needs. May I have another lobster, please!!! No worries about what to do where to go, just sign up for what sounds fun onboard or take an adventure out, but it is all organized for you...you just basically have to show up!!
I remember also when mom was just arthritic, she would complain and use that cane like a security blanket. I took her and dad on a cruise for their anniversary and the next morning we did not see that cane till we went home!! I was glad to give her that!!! We had the time of our lives!
I so hope you get to go and make some precious memories, life is too short!!!

Oops I meant to say "although" my mom is calm.......I still thing in your shoes you should go for it!
I just popped in here and did not see the negative stuff until after posting just skimmed and saw " dirty" thing....
Your out of line, They are human beings and deserve to be wherever they want to be, and kharma shall make that place be close to you!!!!
Sorry but that was just rude of them!

1 more thing if you do get to go, and you find it is just not working, you can always get off and fly home at a port! should be possible with most itinerary's!

My FIL had ALZ. He became aggressive in unfamiliar situations. I just don't think it is fair to your husband to put him in a new stressful situation.

I am a woman, thank you very much and experienced in this evil disease. Stimulation is the key and an abundance can be provided at home. I even wonder about taking a person to a place so that caregivers can have respite. This is something I would never do. My auntie would freak out waking up and not knowing where she is or where I am. I don't feel it is safe to travel under another country's flag and have nearly zero medical or police personnel on board. Those should be major concerns to think about before taking a person with AD aboard. Frankly, I think it's selfish. I have a lady my auntie knows and loves come over when we are fortunate enough to get away for three days, a couple times a year. I just can't imagine dropping her off somewhere and leaving her. Sooooooooo, no I'm not a bad person, just smart about keeping my auntie safe, clean, well fed and happy.

\Well that makes sense but that is not what you said initially, you disrespected their humanity and rights, or that is how I interpreted it!

Anyway, it is up to the individual situation and circumstances what they feel comfortable with! We can only offer advice/experiences! and try to help them achieve normal life pleasures.

Perhaps also option if not mentioned already is a third person to come and help, often get specials on the 3&4 passenger! Maybe a responsible/old enough grandchild or fam member that would also appreciate the time/bonding they could help with luggage and the little things, etc..... allowing you to focus on the comfort of your loved one!

I am realistic. If you talk like this to me, I cannot imagine how you treat your loved ones. Overboard, if you will pardon the pun. Funny how a lot of you are so down with dropping your loved ones off so you can go do what you want, give yourself a long lasting break. I reiterate, I would never drop my auntie off anywhere but the beauty shop for any hour and half to get her hair cut and permed. Yes, please stop the negativity. Yes, my situation is not yours.