Is it alright to not tell my mom's caregiver exactly why I am firing her?

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I have periodic problems with my moms caregiver. However, I am not assertive and don't always speak up. She is kind and loving towards my mom though so I feel guilty letting her go. She is 10-15 minutes late every morning but I always let it go since I'm retired and my mom lives with me. She doesn't follow instructions when I tell her to only spend a certain amount of money at the store. She almost always spends more. She has too much personal knowledge about our family due to the fact that she's here all day. She has family issues that periodically, but not too frequently force her to leave early. She wants me to pay her at the beginning of the workweek due to her financial needs. I always paid caregivers after they put in their weekly hours. long story short, I let too many things go unaddressed and now if I grow a backbone and express my need for changes, it will be a LONG LIST. I actually just want to tell her I can no longer afford to have her work so many hours and am going to drastically cut back on caregiving. I know she needs to work at least 7 hrs a day. Is it wrong to just use this as a reason? If I tell her I am dissatisfied, I KNOW she will argue with me. I am SO burned out and vulnerable (I've had my mom for 13years). Only needed help the last 5 as her physical condition has declined. She is 94 and has Alzheimers. I feel the caregiver is too 'at home' in our house. She can be fantastic on some days, but moody on others. My husband has suspicions she may have taken money from his wallet. No proof though. She also looked at a very personal prescription for a family member that was in a bag on our counter and then told me what it was for. I was speechless. I know I let things go too far and didn't set boundaries. She can be pushy and I tend to be accommodating. I had a superb caregiver who retired and we had a great relationship. I found a new more mature lady and clearly told her my expectations. My problem is getting up the guts to fire my current caregiver.

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Thank you Blannie! I do indeed feel an amazing sense of relief. I now realize how stressed I was having this person in my house all day and being worried she was stealing from us when I was out. I will be checking in with new caregiver as suggested. I should have let the former one go much sooner. Her attitude was not good. Oh, and she was late again today. I asked her to stay later a few days ago to make up for being late. she did but I guess that didn't keep her from being late again today. Fortunately we let her go within moments after she arrived. Weight lifted off my shoulders.
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Empathy I'm so glad it went well - I'm sure you're heaving a sigh of relief. Just keep on checking in with your new person, even if things seem to be going well from your side. Be sure to give her the opportunity to share how she feels and how things are working for her.

Thanks for the follow-up info, we don't get that here often. Good luck with your new person!
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Update: my mother told me she saw the caregiver take money from both my and my hysbsnd's wallet. My mom has Alzheimers but still is able to remember lots of stuff. This is tricky since I can't be sure she really witnessed this but I have enough doubts now (over $60 has gone missing) and along with the other issues I decided to let her go. Asking if she took money is ridiculous bc of course she would deny it. I was going to use a nanny cam but don't want to lay in wait for theft to happen, perhaps weeks in the future. Plus one can't tape entire home plus upstairs where other valuables are. I trusted my gut and I know I did the right thing, dismissal went smoothly. Just said we were changing our system snd hours and gave 2 weeks pay plus offer of a referral. She did not argue or get visibly upset. My new caregiver got sterling reviews from her prior employer plus is known and respected in an adult day care program in our town. I have clearly conveyed expectations to her and feel optimistic about her beginning to work here, I would also like to add that I HAD several times told my prior caregiver when she did things I did not approve of, but never gave an ultimatum or did do forcefully. She was usually defensive. So will do things differently this time but it goes to show that this is a darn hard road to walk and certain skills are difficult to develop. We develop them when the need arises, as I see myself doing now. Thanks for all the heartfelt advice!
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You can certainly use finances as a reason. She appears to be causing a loss of money. Sometimes both sided know why someone is being fired, but it helps everyone keep up the pretense. Do try to give decent but honest references over the phone if you can. Your next choice is to sit down with the caregiver and simply tell her these are the things you need for her to do. Examples would be to stay within the budget or call you first before spending. Find a private place to put your wallet and papers. Write the expectations with a copy for both of you. If she does not follow your expectations, you have a reason to let her go. Either choice is up to you. I have found, though , if I enter the conversation by beginning with at least two or three very positive comments prior to heading into the unpleasant issues. Best wishes. This is never easy.
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I agree with Johnjoe and the money. Also I would tell that she has to be on time all the time. I would tell her what is bugging you, then tell her you are giving her another chance. Then if she does these things, fire her and tell her why. Maybe give her 2 weeks pay before you fire her. What the others have written are very good ideas too.
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Empathy You seem to have allowed this situation develope. Rule number one, keep a distance between You and an Employee, as You do not want them to be too comfortable with You.
If Your Husband thinks this Caregiver stole money from His wallet, and is not 100% sure, set a trap leave four or five 20 and $10 bills underneath a book but showing slightly and know exactly how much is there, and wait. A thief can never allow opportunity go unanswered. To some this may seem sneaky but You kneed to know for sure Who You have caring for Your elderly Mother, and has the run of Your home. IF YOUR CARER TAKES THIS MONEY, ITS A STRAIGHT RED CARD, Get Your Husband to support You when You dismiss Her instantly.
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Donna I am on the GA fence here. It is wrong to fire someone without giving them the opportunity to change. Tell her that you would like to conduct an appraisal so that she gets the opportunity to tell you what she is happy / unhappy with and you get to tell her what you value and don't about her work.

It is critical here that you don't completely annihilate her because she will have some wonderful points. So start off by listing the good points she has and alongside them list the things you don't like. Do it formally and in writing and get her signature on the action plan.

So she may like you doing a b and c but find d and e difficult.
So you write that down and action plan what you will do to help overcome d and e

and you sign it

Then you do the same with her and action plan what she needs to change and then she signs it

Then you agree the action plan and a date for a review.

Remember the golden rule of SMART

Specific - you have to be to avoid a lack of awareness
Measurable - so if she is spending too much for example then limit her overspend to 5% or insist she calls or texts you before going over
As for time she has to be there on time at least 80% of the time in the future and you will review this after a month, and as for pay you will work over a month period to paying her on Friday and not on Monday but you will do it one day at a time so that it isn't a HUGE issue for her

These are example of things that are Specific and are Measurable and what is more they are Attainable or Achievable They are also Realistic and they are Time Bound

It truly isn't difficult but you will need to make time to do it and you MUST review it. Good luck me dear but stick to your guns. If she comes late she stays late to make up the time - IF YOURE OK WITH THAT. Do be aware though that if she works 7 hours without a break she might consider that in lieu of her break
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Donna I'm a retired HR person and I can see both sides of the issue. I guess I disagree with the folks who say you have to give her another chance. Someone who is chronically 15 minutes late to a job probably isn't going to change in my opinion. You'e either an on-time person or you're not. And someone who disregards your limits on spending isn't doing an important part of the job. She's been there less than a year, which is a pretty short time. If she's doing these kinds of things already, chances are she's only going to get worse over time.

Should you have let her know what she was doing wrong along the way? Absolutely. So with your new person, set the expectation (and put it on your calendar and tell her) that you'll have a sit-down discussion after one month and then every three months on how things are going. That also give her the opportunity to let you know what you're doing that is making her life more difficult. If she's good, you want to give her the opportunity to express her issues as well.

I don't think you'd face a lawsuit - that's highly unlikely in my opinion. Give her a good reference, give her two weeks pay and learn from your mistakes. Use the hours reason if you want, but you could also just give her some "friendly advice" that being on time is important and sticking to the budget is important too." Caregivers have enough stress that trying to get someone to change their basic employee behaviors shouldn't have to be a struggle. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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Oh and yes if we take the route of letting her go, we will give 2 full weeks salary. I think it's best when letting someone go to not have them remain in ones home. Too many opportunities to do damage if a caregiver is so inclined.
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Thank you all so much for the valuable advice! I am going to take your advice to heart. Yes, I will be more assertive and try to be a better employer. It is hard though for me, but a necessity. I also need to set more clear boundaries. I was so lucky with my first caregiver. I never had these problems. Having someone in our home 7 hrs a day is hard. Yet, that is the nature of elder care for many. this is a hard job! Thanks folks for your responses.
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