Two weeks ago my oldest sister died. She was one of the siblings who lived in the same community as my Mom, and the one who almost never helped out with Mom's care. Granted, she had health problems of her own, but she did not have a terminal diagnosis and she had extended periods of wellness when she could have helped but did not. Understandably, my relationship with her, which had always been very tight, became very strained after my mother started needing help. To make matters worse, she became extremely hostile to me when I pressed her for support, and it reached the point where I could do nothing right with her, where everything I did was held up to the glare of scrutiny and judged to be suspicious, hostile, hateful and vicious. During her illness, I was able to access my abiding love for her, and tended her lovingly whenever it was allowed (not often). The same could not be said for her. She died pretty much as she lived, fighting for what she needed with little regard to what anyone else might need of her. In the midst of the family turmoil during her last few years of life, she invested herself heavily in an online writers' workshop, where she contributed poetry and stories. She also contributed attention, support, encouragement and kindness towards her fellow writers. I learned most of this after her death, reading the online tributes to her. She was a totally different person online, someone who "never had a bad word to say about anyone." Wow, if they only knew. I am left with a lot of mixed feelings of course, and worse, there is nobody to share them with. Nobody wants to speak ill of the dead or hear anybody else do it. Even other family members did not experience my sister the way I did. They knew how badly she treated me, but since they were not affected, they shrugged it off. Now there's nothing but praise and exaltation of our departed family member. A few days ago, I was asked by my brother-in-law to help write a short bio to be used by online friends who are creating a site for my sister's "literary legacy" I don't know how to say that I want nothing to do with that. To me, her deep involvement in this literary community was cowardly and almost fraudulent. It took all her attention away from the family members who needed her and the things she needed to do to resolve those relationships. I feel so alone because nobody wants to hear this. Can anyone relate? (And please forgive the lack of paragraphs in this posting. I tried to insert them but my computer wouldn't do it, or the site wouldn't allow it).