Follow
Share

I feel stuppid for asking lame questions every day but.. here goes. Betty ( MIL) has been upset of lte that I don't go on outtings with her and my hubby so today I showered and went along, she wanted to buy bras. So we looked for them and found some great sales, she wore tired and I got her a wheel chair and gave her a coke and a pain pill. within an hour she was on a wild shopping spree buying out the store. She got herself 2 bras then went to the mens section and found great sales on jeans, slacks and belts for my hubby. She got confused between the womens department and the petites, she is very tiny and normaly buys petites. We ended up in the ladies department and she started picking out items for me and I was hesitant, I can't afford these $ 50 dollar jeans even marked down half off. She got me a pair of jeans a pair of shorts and 2 tops. Before we left the house she didn't like what I was wearing and wasn't shy to tell me to go change LOL which I did to apease her. I know when her credit cards comes in she won't remember these purchases, she has forgotten in the past. I'm stuck in the middle, if I refuse them she will call me everything under the sun and say I am just trying to NOT GET ALONG but when the bill hits and she won't remember she will say we are abusing her credit and will start another fight. WHAT DO I DO?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Kathy, if your Mom-in-law tends to overspends and uses a credit card, see if you can get the bank to drop the "limit" to a more manageable amount.

Or make up a story that the credit card was stolen on-line and it will take time to get a new one... but in the mean time here is some cash to use for your next shopping trip. We call these fibs "therapeutic fibs".
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Kathy, how about accepting the items and then returning them when she isn't with you? She gets the pleasure of the 'gift' and neither her nor you are responsible for paying for items that aren't affordable.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Take the patient home when she is tired and finished with her own shopping.
It is just common sense.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

we moved in with her a little under 6 months ago just to help her out with bills, we were to pay half the rent half the food etc.. 6 months into it we pay all the rent all the food except now and then she flips the bill for dinner out or KFC..hubby pays off the credit card biweekly so in a sense I guess we are paying no matter what she thinks she is "gifting" Looks like I need a job aside from the one taking care of her 24/7
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I thought of something:
When she's making the purchase for you, take a selfie of her, you and the item. Or your hubby, her and the item. Get the idea?
That way she can see how happy she was at the time, and that you can appreciate her kindness! When the bill comes, well, nobody is happy.
Hahaha
☆★☆★☆★☆★
M88
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

By the way, is she paying you for her room and board and care?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The question isn't really whether you can afford $25 for jeans -- it is whether she can. She is the one who wants to buy them for you. So, can she? Will this cause a hardship for her? If yes, then you may want to try them on and regretfully say they are uncomfortable in the hips, or whatever. But if she can afford to splurge on gifts once in a while, why deny her that pleasure?

If you've been down this path before and it results in disaster when the bill comes, perhaps you could put away the gift items and not use them until after the bill arrives. You can get them out and remind her gently that this is the belt she bought for her son and these are the jeans she bought you, etc. Then you can ask if she'd like to return them.

I guess I wouldn't use things until the bill comes and she's paid, in case she gets buyer's remorse.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You may want to curb her spending a bit after she's had her pain pill. Maybe you can suggest going to the food court for a drink if you're in the mall. It will help break the grab impulse. I am the same way when I shop. I have to control my impulse to buy everything that I like... and I'm not even drugged.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You and your hubby live with her, and care for her? Then absolutely accept a gift from her once and awhile! It makes her feel good, giving back as a thank you for your generous care of her! I don't see where in your post where you said that she is a shopaholic, so be a gracious DIL, and accept the gift in kind! And be thankful that she can be nice, as so many here do not have such great interactions with their LO's!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Oh, boo, Pam.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Don't take her shopping, she's a shopaholic. Problem solved.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think it would be okay to accept one thing. She is offering you a gift, so it would feel bad to her for you to say no. If the gift only cost a few dollars it won't be a hard blow when the bill arrives.

My mother often offers to buy me something when I take her shopping for clothes. I tell her that really I don't need anything and she accepts it. If I thought it would offend her, I would look for something inexpensive.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.