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Today was yet another "follow-up" appointment for my mom. (81, mini-strokes, small vessel disease, recurring AFIB, in memory care although she is presently behaving like someone who never had any psychosis or cognitive impairment, because what's life without crazy changes?)Another day off work for me. Cardiologist told mom she is in great shape and he lowered her dosage of metoprolol, and said she'll be on eliquis forever. Okey dokey. Then he says come back in 6 months. Neurologist recently said come back in 4 months. In addition, she has appointments with dentist to fill cavities, eye doctor for new glasses, primary care for yearly checkup, separate appt for lab work, podiatrist for toenails curling into the skin. Y'ALL! I'm not a spring chicken myself and I've got my own appointments to catch up with. If we are seeing her primary care doctor, I can just cancel the neurologist and cardiologist, right? I don't want to deny her medical care, but I just can't think of any benefit right now. I didnt think we'd have to keep going back.

I stopped taking my dad to the cardiologist because he was too old for surgery and the primary care doc could prescribe blood thinners and blood pressure meds. I quit taking him to the neurologist because it didn't make a difference. Getting dad to brush his teeth-not easy-is more important than the dentist. Id take him if he started hurting. We see the eye doctor because he has glaucoma and being able to see is important. I guess I take him to appointments where it impacts quality of life but not length.
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Reply to maryq1954
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When my mother was at this stage of dementia , the primary care physician that came to her facility managed all her meds . The podiatrist came to the facility to do her nails . Mom refused the dentist , or the eye doctor etc . The lab came to the facility . I did not take Mom out to anymore appts. She did not want to go . My Mom was on Plavix forever. We had the primary doctor manage her high blood pressure meds .
I’d drop the cardiologist . The primary can treat her blood pressure ( metoprolol ).
You don’t say what the neurologist is doing for her med wise and Mom seems to be having a more lucid time right now .
You could stretch that appt out to 6 months and make it virtual .
If the neurologist isn’t doing anything drop him/her .
The primary physician can prescribe meds for anxiety or other behaviors .
Ask the facility if they have a mobile dentist who comes and an eye doctor .
If so , use them instead of taking Mom out .

My father in law would go to appts driven by the facility car . My husband would meet him at the doctor office . Then the facility car drove FIL back to facility . It saved my husband a lot of time, not having to pick up and drop off his father . Hubs also could go back to work and stay late to make up the time . Idk if this is an option for you.
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Reply to waytomisery
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My mom is 96 and recently moved to memory care. She is in early stage 6 of alz. Her mc facility contracts with a local dentist and podiatrist who visit the facility, so we signed her up for those. Her geriatrician, who's been her doctor for the past 8 years, also contracts with her facility.

Once she moved to mc, I stopped taking her to her eye doctor and audiologist. I noticed at her last appointments, she could no longer accurately participate in the exams for them to be any benefit. After several instance of losing her reading glasses and hearing aids, and no longer understanding what they're for, we discontinued their use. Her geriatrician now writes the prescription for her glaucoma drops.

Mom has always been adamant she never wanted any life extending measures and obtained legal documentation (advanced directive, health care POA) for that before she was diagnosed with dementia. When she was first diagnosed with dementia at age 93, she completed a MOLST form with her geriatrician. She is mobile but frail, and trips out of the facility are risky, so they are limited to things she enjoys.

All medical decisions are based on comfort and quality of life rather than life extension.
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Reply to Dogwood63
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I asked myself whether it was necessary for my parents to see all the doctors that they saw. But they wanted to go to these appointments, and it wasn't my place to say they shouldn't. But between the two of them, someone always had an appointment to see a specialist.

I was lucky because my sister and I split the appointments which made it a lot easier.

I just hated having to get them to their appointments because they used walkers and were unsteady, and it wasn't easy getting either of them into and out of my car.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I'd be cutting all appts. back to once a year. If she's in a MC facility, why do you need to take her to appointments anyway? Don't they have a shuttle and provide an escort to make sure she gets there and back safe? All these appts. are just "follow ups" which are big time wasters. It's good money for the specialists from Medicare, so they milk it with the "see you in 4 months" routine. That is ridiculous and they know it.

Yet you loose a day's work for it, spend money on gas, have to drive and babysit Mom in the office while you invariably WAIT. I only book appts. with doctors I need to see for a reason. I usually get scheduled for 2 follow ups, which I cancel after I leave.

I've learned the Patient is who hires the doctor, so they are entitled to speak up and insist on limited follow-ups (once a year is plenty), as to not have such an overblown amount of time wasted on these half baked "follow up" appts.

When the Doctor says "See you in 4 months" (after he just made $600 for chatting 3 minutes, and not even touching the Patient) simply don't make the appt. in 4 months, make it for 10 months or more instead. Don't buy into the game. These Doctors don't care about anything but making easy money.

See the Doctor for painful conditions, like the Podiatrist. Unless Mom complains she can't see or read, she doesn't need new glasses every year. Fill those cavities (as needed) to prevent pain and expensive root canals. Her Primary should give a quick physical and get all labs done the same visit, once a year. The Cardiologist can sit on the backburner, along with the Neurologist.

I agree the appts get out of control quick. Put your foot down.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Try to gang the appts you decide are necessary on one day and knock them all out. Postpone the 4 month appt to 6 month, etc. But I would only keep the appts that are needed for refills. For us the pain is quarterly bloodwork that is required to keep getting refills of my mom’s one important drug for her autoimmune condition. Without this medication she is achy and cranky. I try to delay as long as possible.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Your profile says that in 2024 you were trying to get her into MC... where is she right now? More information would be helpful to give you best guidance.

Have you considered hiring a Geriatric Care Manager to maybe handle the bulk of the appointments (thinned out of course)? Would your Mom have the funds to pay for such a service?
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Reply to Geaton777
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funkygrandma59 Dec 1, 2025
Geaton the OP said her mom was in memory care.
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Can you combine doctor visits?
If several are ordering lab work can all the orders be sent at the same time so all the labs can be done at once? And some facilities have the ability to do lab work and it gets sent out. If that is the case at her facility maybe look into that as an option.
Is the Neurologist actually doing anything that her primary can's do? If not then drop the Neurologist and let the Primary order any meds that the Neuro is prescribing.
Is she actually compliant at the dentist? If not and she has to be medicated then maybe consider dropping that. Is she in any pain from the cavities that need to be filled?
Same question about compliance for the eye exam. Can she read an eye chart? will she know what set of lenses is "sharper/ clearer /? Even I hate that.
Does the facility have a podiatrist that comes there? If so start using that one so you do not have to take her out for that appointment.

At some point doctor visits are a decision you make. Are they really necessary? There is Benefit VS Burden when it comes to medical appointments.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Stretch out the appointments if you think you need to. i.e. call and push them back 3-4-6 months depending on what they are for.
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Reply to brandee
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We had a lot of remote appointments with Mom.

If PCP can handle her prescriptions I'd cancel the cardiologist and neurologist.

All the neurologist had Mom do was draw the clock at each appointment and it was highly stressful for Mom. Mom would practice her clock drawing 2 weeks out in preparation for the neurologist.
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Reply to brandee
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I found my Moms PCP had her coming back every 2 months. She was only on blood pressure and cholesterol meds. By kaw she only has to see a doctor for refills every six months, I stopped that. Her specialist every six and her Neurlogist once a year. If she had any problems before that year, I would have taken her. Her eyes should be checked every year. Glasses, never had to change them every year. If the perscrption has not changed or just a tiny bit, I would not get new glasses.

Here's how I feel about PCPs. They know a little about everything and alot about nothing. Keep her Neurologist but tell him every 4 months is just too much. Cardiologist I would also keep but explain to him that your own health is being put on the back burner because you have to take off from work and you only have so much PTO.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The purpose of managed care is to manage moms care in one place. I had all moms care done in the facility. I fired the useless neurologist, switched to the PCP in house, labs were all done in house, and the traveling dentist saw to her tooth extractions from her recliner in her room. She had CHF, afib, was wheelchair bound with advanced dementia and 95 falls, and still managed to live to 95!

In Memory Care, the purpose of life is not to extend it to 100 but to make life as comfy and enjoyable as possible for mom until she passes away. And not to drive YOURSELF to an early grave schlepping her around to a ton of appointments.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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No, of course these followups aren't needed and they can easily be done by phone and zoom if MD wishes to discuss meds with POA/Mom. This is common sense, not denying care. Let the doctors know she will see her PCP once yearly unless something is amiss. I have atrial fib as well, and cancer, and all that goes with being 83 years old. I see PCP once a year and cancer surgeon for followup on most recent mastectomy (last April) every six months. I get my eyes checked every two years unless there's a problem. That's it.
There of course are time that there is necessity of frequent blood work to measure things if on blood thinners, diabetes medications, diuretics and etc. If your mom is in memory care there should be someone coming to her to do the blood draws. I would check this all out to get things in place for her.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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