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My Dad is 80 years old and is progressing with alzheimers. Dad still lives at his home with our youngest brother. This brother is not employed elsewhere. We also have a sister who lives fairly close to Dad( 5 miles away). These two siblings are the main caregivers. The problem is that they do not include or let other siblings know what is going on with Dad. We never know about Doctor appts. meds, diet or other matters regarding Dad. When we do come visit Dad both siblings act very guarded and secretative. There have been some major renovations done to Dad's house last year. Again this summer more projects have come up. We are never made aware of these projects unless Dad happens to mention them. Sometimes we aren't sure if we should believe him because of his alzheimers, but he is usually right on. I find it hard to believe that at this point in Dad's life that he is wanting to spend this kind of money. Do the other siblings have a right to know or question these kinds of expenses?

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Unfortunately, most of us are left with parent houses that need roofs, driveways, siding, plumbing, a furnace etc. When mom moved to ALF we spent $10K just to make the place rentable. Capital improvements are a legitimate spend down and make sense. I would be more alarmed if the siblings suddenly had new cars or went on a cruise. It sounds like they are doing the right thing.
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Dashagu, what information have you asked your brother and sister for? How did you go about it?
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I think it depends on the individual situation and whether or not the siblings are actively involved in the care. If they're out of state, don't call (a) just to keep in touch (b) on holidays (c) when the parent is ill or has been hospitalized or (d) just don't keep in touch, I see no reason to provide personal financial information, nor do I.

Dashagu, you don't mention how close you live to your father, how often you visit, and whether you're involved in his caregiving. That might influence whether your siblings want to share information with you.
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So many times on this site I have read about sibling(s) who don't share the elderly parent's financial business with their other siblings. I don't really understand what the big deal is. It's like the siblings are playing "I've Got A Secret" or something. I could understand if there was dissension in the family or squabbles over inheritance but most of what I've read it's just been about power and control. I think those kind of games are so exhausting.

But I digress....

When it comes to an elderly parent's financial status I think there should be full disclosure among the siblings. One sibling should have POA. And just because all the siblings know the status of the parent's finances doesn't mean that a sibling can get his or her grubby little mitts on it. Witholding information is just sneaky in my opinion.

Maybe your secretive siblings are fixing up the house so it can go on the market soon. I know my dad's house needed so much work. It had been in decline for years. But again, what's the big secret? Why not just tell you that?

And if they're not fixing up the house to sell then there's something else going on that you should probably know about. Mishandling an elderly parent's money is considered abuse and you can call APS if you're very concerned.
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dashagu, I handle my mother's affairs, though my brother has financial POA. As a courtesy I let them know when we have to do a major expenditure for things like house maintenance or appliances. They trust me that I will not spend money without cause, but I prefer to keep them in the loop.

Many older people have let their houses go down for years. I know that since I've been here we have done many repairs that were needed. I wonder if it might be the same for your father's house. If so I am glad that your siblings are having it done. There can be a lot of damage if repairs are ignored. I don't know what types of renovations were done, but if they were maintenance jobs I imagine they were needed.

It would be nice if your siblings communicated better with you. Then you could be more comfortable with what they are doing.
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Does someone have Power of Attorney?
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