Visited my 91 year old mom to celebrate her birthday. Instead, my sister & I gathered up 2 extra large garbage bags of molded food, trash, and expired items to take to the dumpster. Bathroom was horrendous with mold in shower, soiled jeans & blouses folded up next to toilet, sink stained, mirrors dirty, and no toilet paper. Gowns & dusters we're left out everywhere leaving it hard to know what was clean or not. Food in frig was molded, lots of opened & ruined products setting out in the room, and sink full of cups & bowls.
On top of this, it was 88 degrees and suffocating in her room with no lights on or blinds opened. Btw, she's on oxygen, but she refuses to wear it most of the time....making hallucinations & her personality worse. She has auditory hallucinations so because she's hearing things from her tv area, she's rolled tv cart to hallway (they have stored it to get it away from fire exit), piled all photos that were on cart face down on couch (because they were singing to her), and set her unplugged tv on floor. It was a horrible mess! I've visited every 2-3 weeks even tho I'm the enemy & have cleaned up off & in the last 6 months, but she says I need to sit down so she can talk (rather argue, complain, or accuse). This time my sister managed to get her to open her gifts, and I reheated her Cracker Barrell birthday dinner so we could leave after 3 hours of picking up & throwing out.
I need advice on how to handle this situation. They've told me before that she refuses help. She even refuses meals so they wrap them for later (& I have to scrap plates of food left in frig). They don't want to agitate her any more than she already is. She won't go out to eat in dining area, so they cannot sneak to clean it. She refuses to go with us anywhere, so she's in her chair complaining & telling people NO. I do not want to upset the new administrator, but I cannot let my dementiated mom live in a filthy and toxic environment. How can I get this situation to improve? I have already asked for the visiting administrator & Hospice Aide to call me. Hopefully, tomorrow!! Thanks in advance for all advice.