Mum (60) is an alcoholic with a hurt her foot and cant drive. She wants me to buy her drink. Any advice?

Follow
Share

She has been an alcoholic for many years. Last week she hurt her foot - saying she stretched and hurt it! It is badly swollen and is most likely a drunken accident which she wont admit to.
She says she cannot drive with the swollen foot and is expecting me to drive her to the shop every other day for "food" - the food stays rotting on the kitchen floor and she drinks the bottles of brandy she is buying.
I have told her I am not prepared to take her to buy more brandy (at least a litre bottle a day - possibly more) - but she blames her drinking on me and says I will have to take her as it is too dangerous to just suddenly stop drinking.
She says she cannot walk to a local shop (even before the foot injury her mobility was in rapid decline) and says no one else can keep driving her to the shop.
She keeps ringing and saying I will find her dead after a seizure if I don't get her the brandy.
I don't want to be a part of her drinking - she wont accept the problem or seek help.
She has been diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease and she even continues to deny this saying it must be a mistake.
Don't know what to do - she is ringing and begging like a child - then being vindictive and nasty when I refuse to help her.
Can I just leave her to the consequences of her own actions - such as a seizure from lack of alcohol?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
14

Answers

Show:
A number of years ago a friend was hospitalized with respiration issues. He had been diagnosed with COPD a couple of years earlier. He was admitted, oxygen concentration was in the high 70's and low 80's. He was there long enough that severe DT's developed. He became extremely ill and combative with staff. They ended up having to medicate him with Proprofol to calm him. Naturally, blood pressure, pulse, respiration, etc were all messed up. He ended up in ICU for two weeks while they got him detoxed and stabilized. They kept him medicated with propofol, tube fed, he was an absolute mess. Did he drink following this hospitalization, for awhile, yes, but has finally stopped. The last hospitalization scared him enough that he decided to quit. During that stay they thought they would lose him, administered last rights, extremely frightening for everyone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You do not need a liter of brandy daily to stave off DTs. I remember from years ago while a med student, that they would give an ounce of alcohol in orange juice a couple times a day to someone who was hospitalized for a brief acute condition related stay, who was not ready for rehab. Another thing to be wary of in a server alcoholic is Wernicke-Korsakoffs psychosis, and make sure they get some B vitamins, particularly thiamine. The real,answer of course is an intervention and attempt at rehab, and I agree with the recs for some 12 steps groups all around.

My heart and prayers are with you. Watching a train wreck in slow motion like this can really suck. You do what you can, the addicted person must still be the one to begin to accept some of the reality...Otherwise it can be fatal despite best efforts of everyone who cares about them.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you everyone for your responses - it helps to know that others have gone through similar situations.

I have not taken her to the shop over the weekend, and have managed to get an appointment with her GP on Tuesday. I am hoping the GP will be able to offer some additional advice.

She is still ringing me asking me to take her to the shop - although while she keeps ringing, at least I know that she is ok!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Who has mom's medical POA? Get that in place asap!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It is not your fault, that is normal behavior for an alcoholic, blame something or somebody else. Call the AA 24\7 support number. Ask them if they can have someone else monitor and check in on your mom. The further away you stay the better ultimately for you and mom. It is hard, many here have walked in your shoes. It is dangerous to stop cold turkey, she needs to be monitored constantly and medicated as medical staff considers appropriate. Many rehab facilities will not monitor the withdrawal, that needs to happen in an appropriate medical facility.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

First of all get the foot X-ray'd. If they prescribe an opiate painkiller like oxycontin or vicodin, NO alcohol. As far as her threats of imminent demise, tell her to call 911 if she sees pink elephants.
The Al-Anon meeting will be a tremendous help for you to cope with an addictive and manipulative patient.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That's wonderful, sally22!!!!! You did good!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are not the cause of her drinking. You are not the reason your mom is an alcoholic. It's her addiction, not yours. You don't have to be a part of her addiction. You can choose to not participate in it. Her threats and accusations are her way of trying to get what she wants---alcohol. Her addiction will make her say or do anything to get that booze.

If you're concerned for her health keep in close touch with her for about 48 hours. Check in on her. Call her. You won't be helping her by buying her booze for her. When she's back on her feet she can go to the store and buy as much booze as she wants.

I agree with Jessie about Al-Anon. Get in touch with them. I wouldn't be surprised if you were able to get in touch with someone today. Talk to them. They can guide you through this.

Be strong, sally22. Your mom's an addict. She has the power to infect you too. Alcoholism is a family disease, as Jessie said, and takes out everyone in it's path.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

YEA, Sally. They will know what you are going through and can help. We went through this with my brother, who never lost his desire to drink. He died at 57, though he probably should have lived 30 more years. Sad thing is that he was so beyond help that people breathed a sigh of relief when he died. No one knew what to do for him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you - I have found a local al anon that holds weekly meetings every Tuesday.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions