Alcoholic husband won’t comply. Any advice?

I would suggest Al-Anon. There you will learn that you cannot change anyone, and you will learn you have two choices only, stay or go. You will also share with others, and learn resources. When I had a family member years ago with a problem I attended and was amazed at the support. You will meet others like you and perhaps some just longing for YOU as a roommate. Make a life for yourself; those around you will not do so.

Tell friend & her animals she 1 month notice to find another place to live. Encourage son to find apt w roommates ..does he work? Get husband into Al anon. Don’t worry about all the people you “have to” take care of. They have to be self sufficient. You allow yourself to be taken advantage of by everyone. Give hubby ultimatum. Plan an exit strategy. Long term plan to sell house & downsize. You need a new life Hugs 🤗

I’d seek professional help to get you to a safe place. It sounds like a toxic environment that has taken your health. Remedying the situation seems like an incredible task. I’d gather all the resources and support you can get. Fixing all the others sounds futile. I hope you find the help you need.

Sounds like you have "no life any more" because you let everyone treat you like a door mat, from your husband, your son and his friends and also your friend and her pets. I mean REALLY??? Can you not see that after you read what you wrote? And the toll it's taking on your health. When is enough enough? You obviously don't think very highly of yourself to allow all this going on in your household.

You need to get some help for yourself, whether that's Al-Anon, or some other type of therapy/counseling. And really a divorce shouldn't be out of the question either. You can't change your husband. You can only change yourself, and if you really want it bad enough you will do whatever it takes. Will it be hard? Of course it will. Change usually is. But the rewards will far outweigh any bad.

Your family will have to learn to stand on their own 2 feet, and not be so dependent on you, if you really want to have a stress less life. You obviously get something out of feeling needed, that you allow all these people to take advantage of you. There's only one Savior, and it's not you. His name is Jesus. Quit trying to save everyone else and try saving yourself. You're worth it.

Your former addict son and his friends create havoc in your home. Your messy friend, her two dogs and her cat have for some reason been made welcome in your home. And you think your husband's non-compliance is the issue?

What work does your husband do?

Liver failure doesn't usually resolve itself, or not in a good way anyway. What has gone on between his health crisis three years ago and the situation as it is now?

You take prescription drugs. He drinks, and hides at work down in the basement. While I fully agree - could not agree more strongly - that "there is no situation, however bad, that cannot be made worse by alcohol" I suspect that the real problem is a complete absence of control exercised by the TWO of you over what use is made of your home, your resources, yourselves.

Perhaps you and your husband need to make a new agreement about how you will protect one another?

If your husband hasn’t quit drinking by now, he isn’t going to. Stop enabling him. If you don’t want to divorce him then go out and do what makes you happy. You really need to get out of that house and stop taking care of everyone. Your best bet is a divorce, but if that is not an option, try volunteering, go to Alanon, see a therapist, but stop taking care of everything and everyone!! Your health is deteriorating because of it. Believe me when I say that if something happened to you, they would be fine and carry on without you. I suggest you carry on without them while you are here and alive and have so much life left. Don’t be stuck in a no win situation. Your life literally depends on it. Big hugs to you!!

Well--your Dh sounds like a loss-sorry to say.

Do you stay with out of love, guilt, or financial reasons?

You remind me of a dear friend who's DH is also an alcoholic of 50+ years. He just retired, she is still working (at age 75!!) just to get out of the house. She also takes in her kids and grandkids all the time and the stress this woman endures!

One day, after listening to her talk about the same exact thing she's been on about for 42 years, I said "Linda, why are you STAYING? You are absolutely miserable and your family is not there for you...except for her oldest daughter who would take her in in a hot second". She looked at me like I was crazy. "I can't LEAVE, who would take care of everybody?"

She honestly had NEVER thought about leaving. I gave up even trying to talk to her. She's on FB every day complaining about her life, her family, her rotten kids--and most of us just kind of sigh and send her a little virtual hug. She doesn't WANT to be better. Her hubby is a waste of time and space. (He has hit her, many times--so it's more than just emotional abuse).

Until YOU pack up and walk, nothing will change. Your alcoholic hubby will not change, there's no impetus to do so. He KNOWS you won't leave.

I'd suggest Al-Anon and hopefully some counseling, w/o DH at this point.

BTW, your dr is spot on. Stress these days is the 'normal' dynamic. We're all a mess. Having a hard family life makes it much worse.

I'm learning to say no and to take care of myself. Ok, DH has had to figure out to run the washer and vacuum, but it hasn't killed him.

Don't mean to sound uncaring--but your DH is ruining your life and you're worried that a divorce would be something you couldn't bear to do to HIM.

Yet he abuses you like there's no tomorrow.

My heart breaks for you, but only you can change this.

Come back--others will have more specific and better ideas than I do.

((Hugs)) b/c you NEED them!