I have no idea what to do about my alcoholic, elderly Dad with dementia who is abusive to my Mom. What can she do for her safety?

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My Mom is his only caregiver but now he is getting physically violent with her. Even though he is frail, in his moments of rage and outburst, he is very strong! He's been in the hospital for over a week. From one of his drunken falls down the stairs, he needed to get Hip Joint ball replacement surgery from a previous hip surgery that got bumped out of place. While in the hospital, he has started going through alcohol withdrawals and they haven't released him yet. He hits and kicks my mom. Last night, he grabbed her by the hair from his hospital bed and it took 5 people to release his grip on her. When they release him to go home, I am scared for my mom. He refuses to go to alcohol rehab and will continue to drink when he gets home. He has Alcohol and Age related dementia. What can I suggest for my Mom to do for her safety?

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I am in a similar situation, my Grandfather has dementia spurred on by alcoholism and terrible alcohol withdrawals, since being taken into hospital. My mother and I are usually his caregivers. However, lately he has been very violent, threatening to stab us and unable deal with his own care, sitting in his own excrement. He was refusing to get treatment, therefore we called the doctors out who sectioned him, for his own and the safety of others. You and your mother need to refuse to bring him out into his home environment. Request a psychiatric evaluation.
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Something I have to add -- Alcoholics tend to be married to the bottle, and if given a choice of being able to drink or being able to live somewhere, they will ultimately choose being able to drink. If allowed home, a big rule of your mother's home should be no alcohol allowed or he's out the door.
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This is a bit tricky unless your father has been deemed incompetent by lawyers. You may want to talk to your mother about getting a protective order to keep your father from coming home. Wives are often reluctant to do this, even when they are being abused. If you can't protect your mother by keeping your father away from the home, you may consider moving your mother a place where she will be safe. Talk to your mother about what she wants to do. I assume that she is competent, since she has been his caregiver. And get the alcohol and car keys away from him!
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I second, do not pick him up. Are you able to speak for your mother or is she going to relent and go get him? It may seem extreme, but my MIL had to call the police several times about her husband with ALZ.

It 100% easier getting a patient placed in long term care, when they are already out of the hospital.

I also fear, that he will just fall again, at home.
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You talk to the social worker and discharge planners. He should not be released home to your mother's care (I'm going to assume that the attack was witnessed by hospital personnel and documented in his chart).

Your mother is going to have to say that she cannot care for him and that she is afraid for her safety. They will find a placement for him.

Do your parents have funds for dad to live in a facility? If not, you need to find an eldercare attorney who understands the Medicaid process. Your mother will be entitled to funds as a "community spouse". Please do not let your mom's fear of the unknown get in the way of getting dad the care he needs.
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