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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I'm generally happy with this aid, not about the pushback. Need to figure out best way to deal with it that won't result in the loss of the aid
As background Mom is stage 6 and IMHO on the cusp of stage 7. We did a dentist appointment and the dentist instructed the aid to brush my mom's teeth and told us we now need to have visits every 3 months. My assumption is my mom is no longer capable of properly brushing her own teeth. Aid says my mom can do it and if we take away the responsibility it will speed up her decline. I go with the medical advice. My current idea is to sign up for pallative care and have a professional nurse as interiediary so I'm not the villain.
Is mom using (or not using) an electric toothbrush or a regular one? If a regular one switching to an electric might be much easier. (by the way if the dentist did not mention this switch to a toothpaste that does not contain fluoride. Fluoride can upset the stomach if swallowed and with dementia often the spitting out of all the toothpaste is difficult and the inclination is to swallow what is in the mouth,.) You need to tell the caregiver that this is necessary and if she does not comply you will find another caregiver that will help with ALL ADL's. Her telling you that taking away the responsibility of brushing teeth is like her telling you that she will no longer help mom in the bathroom because that is taking away responsibility. Or she will no longer help her dress.... The dentist is your intermediary here...the dentist TOLD her that that she needed to do oral care and she is refusing. I have to ask is the caregiver using a swab to sweep your mom's mouth after eating to remove pocket food from between the cheek and gums? If not this is something that she needs to do as well. Leaving food in the mouth can be dangerous as it can be aspirated later it is also not good to leave food in the mouth for extended periods of time.
I was a homecare CNA for 25 years before going into the business of it and will say that the 'aide' spends more time with your mother than probably anyone else. So if your mother still has some small levels of independence in what she can do, the caregiver would know what they are. She may need assistance with brushing her teeth. Like the caregiver may have to get everything set up and literally walk your mother through every step. If the caregiver is through an agency, she may not be allowed to brush teeth. The same way as the caregivers are not allowed to administer medications. They can remind the person. They can bring them their medication bottle or box. They can't fill the medication box. Check with whatever agency you use and ask what their policy is on teeth brushing.
The caregiver is right about taking away responsibilities and the person declining fast. Any level of independence must be continued. I had a care client years ago who was homebound from dementia. She was still able to get food into her mouth on her own. She made a mess and it was disgusting to watch, but messes can be and were cleaned up. If there was a visitor around her mealtimes I told them ahead of time what to expect. Some would get upset and insist that I spoon feed her and I refused. This was the last independence she had and I wasn't going to take it away from her. Of course, I would spoon feed her if the meal was something she couldn't pick up with her hands like soup. Any independence is worth preserving.
Instead of getting on the caregiver and adding another task to what is already a very hard job, why don't you pay your mother a visit, set up everything she needs to brush her teeth, and see if she can do it for you. If she is unable to remember how to brush her teeth, then you and the caregiver need to have a talk. If her caregiver is a trained CNA, you will not need the dentist to show her how to brush teeth because she is already trained for that.
There's definitely truth in what you say. I noticed a further decline after I took away mom's checkbook, but I had little choice. Similar while I get the idea that it keeps some pathways functioning tis also true that an infection in the mouth is a big deal and i don't want her losing teeth or worse. The dentist clearly saw that what's going on now isn't working
It’s part of the aide’s job to do this. What’s not part of the aide’s job is determine what mom is and isn't capable of doing. Not sure if the aide is refusing out of overstepping or laziness, but no matter, it should be done by the aide. Nothing will “speed up” the decline. Sadly, it goes forward no matter what we do. Perhaps have the dentist write a note of instruction to the aide
No, Daughter1930. It is not always the aide's job to brush teeth. Different agencies have different rules about things like brushing teeth.
People always assume that it's laziness with an aide when they don't do something. Always a lazy aide. Never a lazy nurse or a lazy family (and mind I've seen my share and everyone else's over the years of these two groups), it's always a lazy aide. Care clients and their families expect a lot from an aide. Far more than the other care staff on a case who make two, three, four times and more what that aide gets paid.
When someone is waited on hand and foot and treated like an infant, it will speed up their decline. Yes, it will. I have seen it happen.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If a regular one switching to an electric might be much easier.
(by the way if the dentist did not mention this switch to a toothpaste that does not contain fluoride. Fluoride can upset the stomach if swallowed and with dementia often the spitting out of all the toothpaste is difficult and the inclination is to swallow what is in the mouth,.)
You need to tell the caregiver that this is necessary and if she does not comply you will find another caregiver that will help with ALL ADL's.
Her telling you that taking away the responsibility of brushing teeth is like her telling you that she will no longer help mom in the bathroom because that is taking away responsibility. Or she will no longer help her dress....
The dentist is your intermediary here...the dentist TOLD her that that she needed to do oral care and she is refusing.
I have to ask is the caregiver using a swab to sweep your mom's mouth after eating to remove pocket food from between the cheek and gums? If not this is something that she needs to do as well. Leaving food in the mouth can be dangerous as it can be aspirated later it is also not good to leave food in the mouth for extended periods of time.
The caregiver is right about taking away responsibilities and the person declining fast. Any level of independence must be continued. I had a care client years ago who was homebound from dementia. She was still able to get food into her mouth on her own. She made a mess and it was disgusting to watch, but messes can be and were cleaned up. If there was a visitor around her mealtimes I told them ahead of time what to expect. Some would get upset and insist that I spoon feed her and I refused. This was the last independence she had and I wasn't going to take it away from her. Of course, I would spoon feed her if the meal was something she couldn't pick up with her hands like soup. Any independence is worth preserving.
Instead of getting on the caregiver and adding another task to what is already a very hard job, why don't you pay your mother a visit, set up everything she needs to brush her teeth, and see if she can do it for you. If she is unable to remember how to brush her teeth, then you and the caregiver need to have a talk. If her caregiver is a trained CNA, you will not need the dentist to show her how to brush teeth because she is already trained for that.
People always assume that it's laziness with an aide when they don't do something. Always a lazy aide. Never a lazy nurse or a lazy family (and mind I've seen my share and everyone else's over the years of these two groups), it's always a lazy aide. Care clients and their families expect a lot from an aide. Far more than the other care staff on a case who make two, three, four times and more what that aide gets paid.
When someone is waited on hand and foot and treated like an infant, it will speed up their decline. Yes, it will. I have seen it happen.