Aging parent who is fixated on discussing bowel movements. Any tips?

It’s a common fixation for the elderly. My parents would talk about it too. Mom more than dad.

My grandmother was so pleasant to be around and never discussed bowel movements. She was a stickler for having good manners and would have considered it inappropriate.

My husband’s grandmother was a whole different story! Oh my gosh, I learned very quickly not to ask her how she was feeling in public.

Once I took her to a fine dining restaurant for lunch and I made the mistake of saying, “How are you feeling?” She said the craziest thing back to me. She said, “Awful! I have been feeling just awful because I have had tightness of the stool!” That was her insane way of saying that she had been constipated! 😆 LOL

This happened in a small, quiet intimate restaurant uptown. She always spoke loudly due to being hard of hearing. Everyone heard her!

The man at the table next to us was just about to take a bite of his beautifully prepared lunch when she blurted this out. I saw him put his fork down. I saw a few other people laughing. I wanted to crawl underneath the table!

I told my MIL this story afterwards. My MIL was a sweetheart and was nothing like her mom. She said, “Oh no, NEVER ask my mother how she feels when in public. She will surely embarrass you.” I never asked her how she felt in public again after my experience with her.

When I told my husband about what his grandmother did, he said that he was sorry but then we both started laughing hysterically about it!

My MIL used say that she either laughed or cried about her mom’s nonsense and that laughing was better than boo hooing all of the time. She had a fabulous sense of humor.

If he starts at dinner time, go for ear plugs. They help, and are a clear message as well.

This was my father's favorite conversation (cancer was a close second-fyi he never got cancer). Too bad we couldn't have gotten them all together so they could discuss that topic to their hearts content. I had to yell at my father on several occasions to make it clear that was not proper dinner time talk. And other times I would ask why he was telling me this "Because I thought you'd WANT to know". Why would I want to know!!! Each and every time he was surprised, I was not interested in his latest bowel movement or lack of them.

Alert the media!! All kidding aside, I'm sure it's very annoying. Maybe your FIL doesn't know what else to talk about.

This is my mother to the letter. When she starts up with the bowel details and discussions with me, I tell her to tell it to someone who cares because I do not. Then I walk away. When she starts up about all her other conditions, the same response is used from me.
Sometimes I will throw in that I'm not a doctor so it's pointless to tell me her entire health history and problems because there's nothing I can do about them. Then I walk away.
Tell your father plainly but kindly that no one cares about his bowels and discussing them, and if he continues to carry on he will find himself alone with no one to talk to other than himself.
If he has dementia and it starts up, everyone should simply ingore him. Refuse to discuss the topic. He'll let it go if he's not getting any attention for it.

My dad sat in his doctor's office and was told he had inoperable cancer and would not live long.

His biggest concern?

What could they do to keep him from getting constipated.

To my knowledge, that was not an issue for him ever, but he was in fear of living in horrible pain from that rather than anything to do with the giant tumor on his liver.

When we put him on hospice care three weeks later, he was somehow relieved because the comfort care kit they gave me had not only morphine, sleeping aids, and anti-anxiety meds, but laxatives. He never once needed them, because he didn't eat anything solid from that point on, but it had become a bit of an obsession for a while.

My Dad has been fixated on BM's his entire life. As children he wanted reports of our poops.

Yet strangely he did not believe I had IBS, until I had a flare up when visiting his small house. There was no hiding the frequent trips to the bathroom and the accompanying sounds. Then he finally believed it was real.

He tells stories of being in university and worrying about his classmates BMS.

Now, at 93 he has colon cancer and finally a reason to keep track of his "movements".

He likely has dementia going on with OCD issues that go with the territory, ie: discussing bowel movements all day long. If he cannot comprehend that this subject is bothersome, then cut down your contact with him until he does, or learn to grin and bear it. My mother brought up THE most rancid topics when she was further along with her dementia, to the point I refused to visit her alone. For some reason, she was more pleasant when I brought my husband along.

It seems like the elderly get fixated on this topic. Does he have Dementia? If so, its going to be hard to get him off the subject, they seem to get into a loop. If Dementia is involved, talk to his Dr. Maybe there is a medication he can be given.

If no Dementia, you may need to be blunt and tell him that is not a subject you are comfortable talking about. He has a Nurse to discuss these type of things with. That its rather gross to be talking about it all the time and you wish he would stop. Because, if he continues to talk about it, you may not come to visit and definitely will not be sharing a meal with him.