Aging mother with some dementia disinherits only son and granddaughter. Any advice?

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I have a mother, 93, who lives independently and refuses to leave the house that she resides in. She is able to present herself as knowledgeable and rational in a public setting. However, she is paranoid, has no understanding of finances, totally distrusts almost everyone, and believes that anyone that is in her house steals money, jewelry, liquor, etc. Since I have known her the longest, I am at the top of her "Hate List". My daughter runs a close second. She is relatively wealthy and has changed her will at least 4 times in the last three years. She has given her POA to a nephew that she knows little about. So basically, she has blocked me from doing anything for her. All of her memories are about exaggerated negative things that I did my entire life, now 70 yrs old. I could write a book about the anger and irrational thoughts. She has wealth and is determined to give it to anyone but her descendants. Keep in mind, if you were to meet her today and she likes you, you could possible be in her new will next month...

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If she has disinherited you, then don't do anything further for her. But then that's already the case, since she's blocked you from doing anything further from her?

As mom gets sicker, she can look to someone ELSE to help her.
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Reply to CTTN55
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OceanLover, as your had mentioned in your profile, sounds like your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia.

One thing you can check into is Guardianship of your Mom.  Use an "Elder Law Attorney" as they are much more familiar with the care side of an elder and whether that elder is able to understand legal documents, etc.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm
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Reply to freqflyer
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I guess Mom has no confirmation of Dementia because the lawyers couldn't legally make changes. She is not of sound mind. I understand that she probably won't see a doctor.

She has money, then let her use it for her care. She has a POA, let him coordinate homecare when she needs it. Don't put yourself thru this abuse. Any responsibility you feel you have should only be to make sure she is fed, safe, warm and clean. When she is deemed incompetent to handle her affairs then the nephew will need to step in. Don't try to do his job, he has legal papers.

So sorry you need to go thru this. Not a way we want to remember a parent.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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jeannegibbs May 15, 2018
JoAnn, persons with official diagnoses of dementia CAN make changes to their wills and other documents. They just have to demonstrate they understand the particular document they are changing.
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I think the problem here is not that your mom is changing her will with her free will. Which would be frustrating and hurtful enough.
It seems that she has some kind of dementia and she is open to all kinds of financial abuse. I agree with freqflyer about checking guardianship.
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Reply to missdenwo
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Thanks for your thoughts. Its hard being on the receiving end of so much unwarranted anger. Everyone that knows her understands the issues. Even attorneys understand my delima but says she can legally do anything she wishes as long as she presents herself as independent (questionable since she broke her hip last fall, and has two more falls since then). What a mess!
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Reply to OceanLover68
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It’s obvious she has decided her aging is your fault! Just kidding but it seems the elders get that in their head. How does a woman this age live ‘independently’? I’d bet you and your daughter do 50 hours a week on top of your own lives TRYING to make your mom happy. I think sometimes elders feel someone must be blamed for their misfortune.

She could possibly just be threatening to cut you out. If not then her lawyer stays busy.

When she dies be prepared for a long drawn out conflict legally, concerning the estate and will. You and your daughter are next of kin so the frequent will changes will look odd. Remember, Anna Nicole Smith lost her bid to collect her deceased husband’s fortune. The jury didn’t buy her tears and giggles!

Does your mom hire caregivers or do you and your daughter do it?
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Reply to HolidayEnd
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Thanks for all the positive thoughts. This is such a complex story. And yes, I checked on guardianship, but told I would never get it. The crazy thing is I live 500 miles away and she will never consider moving here, since she hates my spouse of 35 yrs. Plus, the granddaughter even offered to move to her property, go back to school and be there to care for her. Of course, the response was that she did not want her there. She does have one friend and one yard man that will pick up supplies for her. So frustrating but I'm sure one of us would kill the other if we had to stay in the same house. kidding!
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jeannegibbs May 15, 2018
Who told you that you would never get guardianship? Is that because your mother is still technically competent? Of because she would object strenuously to your appointment? Or some other reason?
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Maybe I am out of line here, but I think the comment about her having wealth and giving it to anyone but her descendents is sort of telling.. after all, her nephew is also a relative. Why were you told you would you would "never" be able to get the guardianship? And falling and breaking a hip does not mean you are mentally unstable.. heck I am 59 and I broke my ankle a year ago... and I fall pretty often due to a joint problem,, but I am still "independent" . Maybe she needs a home aide.. but many 93 year olds are still with it... My FIL is at 95. Not spry,, but his mind is fine.
Let the POA take charge, and I agree there is not much you can do at this point. And if you live 500 miles away I doubt you are doing much hands on care (sorry Holiday).. 
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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So let me just say this, and not to be mean. It sounds like you have tried to stick by your mother, thick and thin. Why do you stay to take such abuse? Sometimes you have call someone’s bluff to in order for them to understand that their behavior and abuse won’t be tolerated. Have a stern talk with her and then cease contact and see what happens. Nothing you can do now anyways.
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