My aging mother needs to move. Should she pick me or an independent living situation?
My widowed 68 yr old mother lives out of state. She deeded her property over to another child because it's too much responsibility. Both kids live out of state and have very active lives. Mom doesn't drive and her mobility is slowly declining - 80 lbs overweight, bad knees, hurting back and systematic diseases. I am the oldest, and single. Prepared physically to take her in with me ( I have a large multifamily house, but she doesn't want to live with me because my boyfriend and kids live with me, so she doesn't want to live with us unless we're married. The other child is unmarried and much younger than I, so she doesn't want to bother the baby child. My suggestion to to move her into an affordable apartment situation in town where we live. She can use her disability and other income to pay her bills, and I suggested my sibling rent out the old family house and use part those proceeds to assist mother with her current bills if she moves closer to us. My mother, however, thinks that won't work and she doesn't want to use her income to pay for her own living. She doesn't want to continue to live out of state away from her children but she doesn't want to live with us,and she doesn't want to pay rent. Why am I writing? I don't know, just had to get it off my chest. I want her to live independently so she can be around people her age who are still thriving and living independently, and we will have times to rearrange our lives. Personally, I am single, just turned 40 and I am a very active person - dancing, career, traveling, etc. I am concerned that if she does move in with me, she wiill stay in the house all the time (like she does now) and not do anything but complain about how much I am gone from home. But it's getting emotionally hard to keep leaving her at home alone, while I drive back to my own life. I want to find a balance between everything but I am not sure where to start. I feel like if I choose my mother, then I have to let everything else go (the boyfriend, his kids, my freedom) and I feel that if I choose everything else, then I will neglect my mother. Help. I need your comments, anything. Just talk to me.