Follow
Share

Mom who resides in board/care facility is on week 3 of refusing to shower or take a bath. Caregiver and other residents are complaining about her odor. She’s verbally abusive and acts aggressive when anyone suggests needs to freshen up.


The facility has a nurse who visits weekly who offered to assist with bathing and she was told to mind her business. Suggestions?

My mother has disliked bathing for years, but now refuses. Hits and spits. They used to be able to manage it with two aides. One would sort of distract with cheerful chitchat while the other one would wash quickly, with a hand-held shower sprayer. Doesn't work any more. They try with wipes now. She is too far into dementia to comprehend an outing as a reward.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Lelystad
Report
anonymous828521 Sep 27, 2019
Gosh, I didn't realize it cud get so difficult, so sorry. Guess it's ok to let them be,...(I mean: not worth having our LO or caregiver get injured over it, right?) Prayers to all u dear caregivers, in these situations. ((Hugs)).
(0)
Report
Did they check her for a UTI? I would eliminate that 1st.

Then I would find out what happened last time she was showered. It could be something that doesn't seem like an issue but could have scared her.

So many facilities don't have the simple bathroom equipment to keep bathing from becoming a battle. Is it cold, to hot? Do they have a shower chair, is it covered or a cold slap on a bear butt? Do they have capes for modesty? Do they have no slip mats? Is the shower dark, bright? Do they have grab bars? Hand held shower? Most importantly, is the aide patient and compassionate?

I would not ask her, I would route her into the bathroom, no big deal, time to feel better mom. Talking all the time about pleasant memories, bring baby shampoo and a nice smelling soap, lotion and maybe a nice new outfit or jammies. Make sure the water is comfortable for her. I think that we assume that they like it warmer then they can tolerate in some cases. Let her handle the shower hose and have some control.

Best of luck, tough battle.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

We tried incentives of going out to lunch, which she normally loves to do if she would take bath or shower. She told us in a most vulgar way to get lost. Short of hosing her down not sure what to do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Kitty19
Report
polarbear Sep 26, 2019
Kitty - I think you just painted a mental picture of your mom being so dirty that she had to be hosed down.

That makes me think of something. How about you "accidentally" spill something really smelly or sticky on her that the only way to get it off is to get a good wash? Something like syrup or honey on her hair which runs down her back. Gooey gooey stuff. Haha. I'm being evil here.
(4)
Report
waterless shampoo.
waterless liquid bath soap
great smelling lotions.
facial masks,

or SPA DAY !!! Just tell them in advance, what this day means, so they are prepared to pamper aN older loving person who needs TLC.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MAYDAY
Report

adult baby wipes. she probably hates the cold water. Just get a basin, use adult baby wipes, or waterless bathing solution and waterless shampoo. put her in a party play mood about getting facials, and work around that way.

Mom, lets do a complete body make over. Stick your feet in this warm soothing water, while I wrap your fingers in these nice warm moist towels with chamomile, and this nice beauty mask for your face. Let me give you a gentle scalp massage, with this wonderfull smelling gel. This will lift your spirits up in no time. While we are at it, lets get into the nitty gritties;;, starting from the chin down, grab another towel with wonderful waterless rinse and attack the armpits, chest., stomach, and might as well get another one of those wonderful wipes and do the best you can down front and then back. check her for bed sores/pressure sores, or any other redness that may show up.
Lower the lights, scented candles sound great, low music.... Spa Day....
Or , just take her to a massage place SPA DAY. you and her. yuou both gotta do it. Shje may get scared otherwise. Some use the sugar scrub feels good and leaves your skin happy, soft and sweet smelling.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MAYDAY
Report
Kitty19 Sep 26, 2019
Mayday thanks for the suggestions. I am going to look into adult wipes see if any willingness. I spoke to her doctor about this behavior he said it’s not unusual for someone with dementia to do this. But didn’t give any real suggestions how to get some water on her.
(0)
Report
My mom hates taking showers. However, she loves to go out. So, I make that an incentive for her showers. Take a shower, then we can go out. No shower, no outings.

Is there something your mom would love to do/have that she would be willing to take a bath for? Maybe, a favorite meal, a visit by someone special, an outing to her favorite place?

Perhaps, make the bathroom warmer so she doesn't get cold when she takes her clothes off, or when she comes out of the bath. I hate the chill when I get out of the shower in the winter time.

Does she like scented candles or flowers in the bathroom? Maybe music?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to polarbear
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter