Just to note, I nor my mother have seen my grandfather in a couple years. I am still 21 years old, and this is because he does not want my mother to come to the house again. My grandfather lives with his three daughters, son, and wife. He gets mad at the smallest things, and gets physically aggressive to my family members for the smallest reasons. An example of it is one time one of his daughters accidentally closed the door hard, and he came down and started beating her. Everyone learned to just go with the flow with him, but it reaches to points where he gets physically aggressive and sometimes kicks the family members out of the house, for unnecessary reasons. This has caused mental affects on the rest of his family, if anyone tries talking to him, he would be extremely stubborn. If we would want to take him to a mental hospital for example, it would just make big problems, the house is in his name, so the family cannot really do anything and cannot afford leaving. He is very controlling to the family. Everyone is just hopeless, I have thought of trying to talk to him (not negotiate, just try and maybe give him a peace of mind) but my mother has told me its a hopeless case. If someone would give him the advice of trying to seek mental health or something he would get aggressive. Any advice on what to do in this case? (I am not in the USA, so in my country reporting for abuse will not really be affective)
Do you want him to change?
That's up to him.
You can't change other people.
If he wants help, he needs to seek it. If any of the adults that live in the house want change, they must make it happen.
None of this is in your control.
I am sure that this is hard for you to endure.
Your mom knows her dad. She doesn’t want you to be hurt by your grandfather.
I wholeheartedly agree with Beatty. A person has to desire change. You cannot make him change.
I know that it must hurt you to know that he isn’t kind to your family.
You cannot make decisions for family members to leave the house. It is sad that they cannot afford to move out on their own.
The only thing that you can do is to control your reaction to his behavior.
Sometimes we must accept what we cannot change.
So, nothing gets done if abuse is reported in your country? That is very unfortunate. I wish it were different for you and your family.
If you and your mother are able to be independent, the best thing is to stay that way. It may block good relations with your other family members, but it still may be the best thing for you and your mother.
Other suggestions have risks attached to them, but here goes:
1) If his son is capable of it, wait for a blow up and then have the son sock him on the jaw. Then do it again a couple of times. Many many bullies just crumble when they realise that they are no longer the strongest one around. This is a time-honored way of changing power in traditional relationships. If the old bloke tells people to leave the house, just ignore him. Let him work out his options now that he is getting older.
2) If the three daughters have suitors, get one or all of them to do the same thing, if the dear old man treats badly the love of their life. Together, they ought to be able to shout back! And they have 6 fists between them.
3) If your family wants to control the time for the fight, stop cooking his meals. The chances are that he can’t cook. This is bound to provoke a fight. Just make sure that he isn’t going to win.
4) Go and cry on the local Priest's shoulder, assuming that you have a local priest with some prestige in the community. Then do the same for the police and anyone else with some local push. Just make sure he is not going to get a sympathetic hearing for his complaints about his 'dreadful family', even if he does see himself as a 'power in the community'.
Good luck! Remember that many people have emigrated to other countries to get away from this type of behavior. I’m in Australia, and believe me you can’t get much further away than that! And if he has guns, take them away.
Seems Mom was the smart one and was able to get away from the abuse.