First post . . . My 79 year old mother is very independent and relatively healthy. She is an anxious/controlling person by nature and has had some pretty significant things happen in her life that could amount to PTSD diagnosis. Maybe. Anyway, I met her for coffee. We arrived in our cars separately, me first. I did some texting on my phone awaiting her arrival. She arrived and parked way too close to the passenger side of my car and hit my car with her door getting out. (Out of kindness, I didn't say anything and maybe out of embarrassment, neither did she). A car had pulled up and parked on my driver side during this time. My Mom was so eager to talk to me, she ran up to my driver door ( I had already given her the "just a second, Im almost ready" sign).So here I am unable to get out of my door because she is standing in front of it, and here the passenger of the car next to me is unable to get out because my mom is blocking her path. That got sorted out, and when the passengers of the other car were gone my mom opened my door and flung it open hard enough to hit the other car. She proceeds to stick her phone in my face to show me an email she got and said "Can you believe this?" When I asked if I could get out of the car first and step out of the cold into the shop, she snapped "I may be 79 but I'm not crazy."We navigated it all just fine and our coffee date was normal and pleasant. The only way I can describe the whole episode is she had a general lack of situational awareness, then maybe unnecessary shame and anxiety when the fog lifted. I love my mom and never, ever would suggest this is bad or abnormal behavior. But from a medical standpoint, is this just normal aging or a sign of cognitive decline beyond normal, potentially?
Perhaps you ‘never, ever would suggest’ it because that would not be ‘honoring’. Please realise that even if God did inscribe ‘honor thy father and thy mother’ on stone tablets on top of Mt Sinai, God did NOT inscribe it in the English language. We don’t know what the word was, nor how to translate it into current English or current behavior. Dealing with dementia, or even just old age in general, needs all feet on the ground.
I know many people in their nineties who are as "normal" as they were when they were 80, 70, 60, 50 or younger. It is not a sure thing that everyone declines cognitively as they age. I haven't. My 95-year-old grandfather didn't. My neighbor at 97 didn't.
The "very independent" part of your post concerns me. A lot of elders think they are but aren't because someone is propping them up. "Relatively healthy?" Compared to what? We get lots of posts from people who are bewildered because this is what they believe about their parent (and the parent keeps insisting as well), and all of a sudden the parent is banging into others' cars and is unaware that something is wrong with them. Heads-up! You're very observant, and I wish you luck with mom going forward.
Claiming she is not crazy without you even saying anything , means she knows she’s not right .
I’m betting it’s Dementia .
Later on she will no longer realize that she is having trouble and will say there is nothing wrong with her .
She’s also argumentative for no reason .
Don’t ever live with Mom or take her in to live with you . She will need to be cared for by NON Family , as she will never listen to you because in her eyes , you are the child and she is the parent .
I’ve been there , done that with a mother who was a narcissist . The doctor told me to place her because Mom would not listen to me ( her daughter ).
I read your comment on another thread about honoring your parent . Sometimes non family professionals need to be the caregiver for difficult parents .
You say you help your Dad who is a narcissist and he treats you like garbage .
You mention God has chosen this for you . I don’t believe that God would choose for us to be a slave to an abuser .
You are afraid to speak up to your parents because you think it’s not honoring them .
I suggest going to therapy and learning boundaries .
Your mom just damaged two cars and was totally unaware?
That is in no way "normal behavior".
And that is in no way "age related behavior".
I am 82. I am so afraid of damaging someone's car that when I get out I put my own HAND between the sharp door edge and another car.
In fact, I used that example to a friend who argued with me that because I am an atheist I can have no morals. I said "Well, this atheist just tried to prevent damage to a stranger's car.
So, to me, mom is anxious (certainly in this situation where see seems to be quite overboard in sticking a phone situation in your face while you are dealing with your OWN phone).
So I am down to "these danged phones need drowning in the hopper" myself.
And I also don't think it's normal (while also not being age related or anything else) not to say "Jesus! MOM!!! You just banged that person's CAR DOOR." Then hopping out to look at the damage to assess whether or not you need to leave a note.
Your story is why we always try to have at least one side of our car against a building, a tree, somewhere that some overwhelmed, multitasking, anxious and uncaring person cannot damage it and just get on with her/his day.