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I have just discovered that my father is "in love" with his care giver. He has given her many gifts, loans and is very influenced by her. Care giver states she knows my father is in love with her but that she has told him that she is not in love with him.

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Get rid of the caregiver. I don't know if it's against the law in California - you should check with Adult Protective Services,,,but it's certainly morally wrong and she's setting Dad up to drain him. You might want to talk to the bank AND to the police as well. Does the caregiver work for a service or is an independent? Licensed? I'd start turning this person in to whomever, wherever I could.

I have a family member who treats my elderly father like an ATM. I can't do much because he's still "with it" - even though he's quite old. I did take said family member aside and advise that I had my eye on the situation - the minute I can step in, I will....and they'll rue the day. Fortunately, that backed them off a bit.
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It's always a slippery slope when a caregiver is offered cash or gifts from a client and I would question any caregiver who accepts gifts from a client. I don't know if it's against the law but I'd keep one eye on the caregiver from now on. The elderly are a protected class. They're vulnerable. And while it may or may not be legal I think it's unethical for the caregiver to accept gifts from your dad.
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I'd like to answer this based on my own experience, and what I have been told by professionals that deal with elderly law & their finances. I am a private, paid Caregiver for a very affluent woman for over six years. She always paid me "cash", and rarely gave or bought me personally any gifts. Then after about a year of working for her, she told me she wanted to buy me a car so I wouldn't have to take the bus, and I could drive her to various places she wanted to go. It was an over-whelmingly generous offer. I declined her offer because it just seemed too generous of a gift. She insisted, and persisted for 3 weeks that I let her buy a car for me. Knowing my employer, and her propensity to turn on people when she gets mad, I told her that if she wanted to buy a car for me, I wanted her to talk to someone else about it, and not me. So, she did. She spoke with a local business owner, and she told him she wanted to buy me a car, and I refused to accept it. She demanded that he tell me to accept the car. She went on to say it was her money, and she would do what she wanted to do with it, and that was to buy me a car. The man believed what she told him, and the three of us had separate meetings, and meetings with all three of us present. She was so insistent that she actually started crying during one meeting because I didn't want to accept a car from her! Finally, I agreed but, I had my reservations. We found a car, and went to the bank. The three of us. She spoke with the bank manager who I also asked to speak with her regarding her decision to buy a car for me. He spoke with her at length privately, and concluded that he believed she genuinely came to the decision to buy a car for me, independently, and was very insistent about it. So, she withdrew the money, and purchased the car. I was elated but, still felt a little funny about the whole thing. I guess it was due to the indebtedness I felt toward her after that, that I went out of my way to take her everywhere, and made myself available 24/7 for her, in case she wanted to go somewhere or needed a ride. This continued for about a year. I took her everywhere. I mea everywhere. To her sisters 300 miles away, to the store, to the doctor, to the park, to the pet store, to my apartment, to leisurely drives to nowhere...it never seemed to end. I started to realize that she had a plan all along. So, one day....my day-off, she called me to take her to the fruit stand about 40 miles from where she lived. I to,d her that I could take her when I returned from my day off. She suddenly turned angry toward me, and began a tryrraid about the car. For the next week, I listened to her tell various people that I "made her buy" me a car. I somehow wasn't surprised, and figured that I pegged her correctly. So, I finally went to her at the end of the week and as much as I wanted to keep the car, I gave her the keys, and title to the car, and I to,d her I didn't want the "gift" because it wasn't really a gift. It was something for her to control me with, and to hold over my head. I left, and the following week, she apologized, and gave me the keys, and title back. She knew what she did was wrong, and had I not had at least two witnesses that could verify her insistence on buying the car for me, it could have destroyed my credibility, and reputation. About two years later, it came to the point that she needed a conservator to oversee her finances. People began to see how easy it was to take advantage of her, and the police, and then the state got involved in investigating certain people that took advantage of her. I helped her get a very honest lawyer, who is actually a judge too. That lawyer hired one of the only court approved Conservators in the county to oversee her finances. This was all a very good thing. The Conservator implemented a system that creates a monthly budget for her expenses that I manage. One day, He called me and asked me why there were charges from Starbucks on the household account. I to,d him that my boss always let me get Starbucks in the mornings when I went grocery shopping. He stopped me, and explained to me that I could not accept this or do this anymore. When I asked why, he exp,aimed to me that under the law in our state, my bosses money can only be used for her benefit. That means everything. It doesn't matter if she says I can buy this or buy that. The LAW states that her money can only be used to benefit her, and her alone. So, if someone is a professional, and paid Caregiver, this one important rule should always be followed. It's easy to follow one rule, and it protects both the patient, and employee. Now, I'm a regular hourly employee. I pay taxes, and have unemployment insurance, annual paid vacations, and work and comp insurance. I get raises, and a Christmas bonus. It has worked out all the way around for everyone in involved, and it's the right thing to do.
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If she is a hospital employee, report this to the administration immediately.
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