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Dear Dee, Your posting has been haunting me and I keep thinking about you in your tough situation and am wondering why your mother isn't in a home where she can be cared for 24/7. I cannot imagine being a prisoner in your house with your mother, not being able to go to the store. Bless your heart for being such a caring daughter. I do hope everything works out for you and your mother.
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This is Rebecca, again. Is your Mother eligible for hospice? They might help. Hang in there!
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Try different churches who have missions that want to help people in your situation. Members must have a background check, by the way, before they can help. There are many people who want to help;you just have to start calling. If I lived nearby, I would be more than happy to sit with your mother in the morning. I wish I could give you more information but will start asking around. Rebecca
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I too am a sole caregiver. So, its been a tough go when I needed to run down the street to the store. My husband of course leaves the house everyday. So he is great at bringing home items we need. But there is times when I am alone with her and things come up. Only is EXTREME cases I have ran down the street to the store and left mom behind. 10-15 mins don't seem like alot of time but MANY things can happen. In this cases, I let one of my neighbors know. But I always fear the worse. What would happen if I was in an accident and no one would know mom was alone. I worry about the legal aspect. As innocent, as me running to the store is. Through the legal systems eyes would be a big NO NO!
I know you aren't neglecting your mom and thinking a short alone time would be okay. But you are taking a chance everyday. No one knows ahead of time when accidents will occur. So, I agree with Mariesmom. Find someone who will make up the 1/2 hr difference. Whether its only giving a neighbor a key and them watch over things till the help arrives. For your peace of mind and your moms safety don't leave mom unattended unless someone is aware and can be there if emergencies arise.
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This is a hard issue and one which many of us as solitary caregivers face. I had Mom with me for nearly 3 years - and it was very much like being under a self-imposed house arrest.

All state laws are different - as is the enforcement of these laws. Just as with leaving children unattended in the home or car - different states have different ages, and enfocement of these laws often depends on cirsumstances.

However, if Mom is unable to leave her bed - say if a fire broke out - while she was home alone, and was injured or killed (or even rescued at the last moment),as a result, you might well be charged with criminal neglect - and would likely have a very diffcult time mounting a defense - even if you had just run out for a moment to pick up her medecine.

I would think leaving Mom alone for 1/2 hour routinely would be an even greater issue. Look at worse case scenarios. What if the hired caregiver doesn't show up? (Last minute illness, car accident, car won't start, winter weather - there are a dozen reasons. Ever had a baby-sitter stand you up? It happens). Then what? How far away do you work? How soon before you would be notified?

I did run out from time to time to the local store when I was here alone with Mom. But I always called my neighbor first (she had a key) just in case. What if I was in an accident, had a heart attack, got car-jacked? At least - hopefully - I could call. I was somewhat covered in case something happened - but I was still taking a chance - and potentially putting Mom in harms way.

An elder confined to bed can be as helpless as an infant - and hopefully none of us would ever consider leaving an infant without proper supervision.

--Do you have neighbors - perhaps with jr high age or older kids - who you could pay a small sum to drop by every morning and wait for the sitter? If you don't know your neighbors its an excellent time to meet them - or post an ad on the community mailbox, or at the store.

--Employers are (sometimes) human too. Can you offer to 'work through lunch' in order to come in later?

--Can you find a caregiver who can adjust their schedule to yours?


In a perfect world these wouldn't be issues - but in a perfect world Mom wouldn't be confined to bed. In order to protect her - AND YOU - you either need to find another solution or be willing to gamble nothing bad will ever happen.


I truly hope you are able to find a safe and workable solution for you both.
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