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He gets very angry when told he is at home & this is where he/Mom have lived for 68 yrs. He continually says NO he knows he lives at 1442 Louis st & this is not my home. We even put him in car take him riding & he then says " Take me home to 1442 Louis st why are you out riding around" . It is very frustrating as no answer satisfies him. This is from noon until about 5:00 p.m. then he go back to being him old self . What is going on ??

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My husband is in late stage 6 ALZ, he has asked to go home for five years now, last year he left our house twice in the middle of the night, this year he has not even tried leaving as he does not want me out if his sight. He can wake up, as soon as he's dressed ask for his car as he has to go home. I've been through the trying to explain, it does nothing but frustrate you & make him angry. I just ignore the question, and start another interesting subject line, or if he's real determined I leave the room, he always follows me, by then he's forgotten it. Comes & goes in waves. I keep a box on the floor where he sits with all things he loves, pictures (back when pictures) forget the grand kids, great grand kids, they will not know what your talking about, you cannot make the mind of someone with ALZ remember something that's gone from their mind. He goes through letters, newspaper clippings (all mentioning him) USN things from his past, he will sit and read these items over & over, then carefully put them back. You just have to try and just go with the flow, try to be content with what it is. I had a real problem with him wanting to get back to work ( hes 83) in the Navy, my Daughter found a USN logo online & typed up this great letter from a fictitious Admiral thanking my husband for all his years of service(44+) with the government, and telling him to enjoy his retirement. It worked from day one, it's in a plastic cover sheet to keep it clean, he reads it everyday, and he no longer mentions it, if he starts on the work subject I immediately say, oh did you see this letter that came in the mail for you, hand it to him get him a cup of coffee & he's good for an hour.
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I agree, gladimhere. but my sis is primary for Dad's care and I am primary for FIL. I think we have to try to do what works best for each individual . I mentioned exactly that to her already, but we shall see. It's all a guessing game! Though Dad and FIL are the same age, both with dementia they are very different personalities.
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Tired, then the struggle will be with him remembering to look at the board. Hopefully, your Dad is not that far along yet, but by the time we tried to do something similar, it was too late for my Mom.
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Not sure how this is going to work out, but my sister has a spiral bound notebook labeled Dads Concerns and Questions. She writes down in big print anything that he asks about often and the answers. Just started doing it so no feed back yet. Good idea for a go to place if it works. We had talked about just using a big white board . He knows he is failing and it frustrates the daylights out of him, so the thought is to give him a tool, at least for a little while to help himself and not drive her crazy . When I speak with him (1600 miles away) on the phone he asks me the same stuff 3 times in 5 min, so I know it is bad. FIL who lives with us, same age, just takes turns asking each of us the same stuff. Crazy making. He usually redirects a bit better.
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This is a form of anxiety. I always try to put myself in someone's shoes when they have dementia. I imagine that I'm in my home but everything is off and I keep trying to tell my family to take me home but no one will and no one understands what I'm talking about. To me, this would be horrible, like a nightmare. I don't know if your dad's thinking is this linear and logical but to a point it's how he feels and how horrible that must be for him and so frustrating for you.

If you can find activities that can calm him down during this all the better but I would talk to his Dr. about it. Maybe there's something your Dr. can prescribe that will help your dad. Not to sedate him but to shave the edge off of his anxiety. Five hours is a long time to be upset. If the Xanax didn't help maybe Ativan will.

As frustrating as it is for you and your mom your dad is upset too and that can't feel good. I hope you find a solution. You may find that one day it just stops. Dementia is progressive and while your dad will probably continue to show signs of progression this particular situation may stop altogether. Probably to be replaced by something else but maybe the next obsession will be something a little easier to handle.
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When my mom starts asking questions repetitively, my son will put his earbuds in and pretend not to hear her, which usually makes her quit asking. Or, you could actually listen to music. I've made my mom brief notes that I can hand her when she starts asking questions, and that helps a little. My mom gets really bad about 4:00 in the afternoon, and it usually lasts until she goes to bed.
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Marilyn, my Mom often gets stuck on "whose house is this?" She is living in her own home of more than 50 years and just does not recognize it or her belongings very often any more. This is now part of Mom's sundown routine and it will many times continue until she goes to bed. The worst times she starts worrying about her little girls and just does not understand that we are all old now, and sibs have their own homes and families to care for, even though their kids are now grown as well. There are now many times when she is no longer recognizing me and I have been taking care of her for more than three years. She does not become agitated the large majority of the time, but it has happened. When she becomes agitated most of the time it will then become time for a facility.

My Mom also takes Seroquel which helps withe the sundowning tremendously. Some nights I also have to give her .25 mg of Xanax, though not often. A quarter of a mg of Xanax is a very small dose. You may want to talk to his doctor about increasing it or trying something different altogether. Did the Xanax seem to work better when he first started taking it? It's effectiveness may be wearing out for him.
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1442 Louis is where he currently lives, he & my mother (his wife of 68 yrs) they have lived there for 68 yrs .
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It is so sad to me because he even tells me " I wished I could get this "mixed up" in my mind straightened out . I will tell him let's quit talking about it & maybe it will go away . I will ask him a ques that causes him to tell me a story about the old days & that will occupy his mind for a while. But within 30 mins he is back to " well when we going home ? " I could just scream . 8 mos to a year ago we could get him to take a nap after lunch, but that is no more, my sister & I have tried giving him one of his "xanax .25 mg" he takes at night w Namenda & keeps him asleep for 6 hrs or so, but does him no qood during daytime. Im just searching for help he is driving my 91 yr old mom crazy. I hate the days I have to stay with him but I am really good to him & feel so sorry, days are just mind wretching .
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Is 1442 Louis a place he has lived?

My husband wanted to go home often during his first year of dementia. It did absolutely no good to try to convince him that he was at home. I wasted a lot of energy on that.

So, don't tell him he is at home. Tell him, "I'm afraid I can't take you right now. Let's try for after dinner." or "The road is blocked off for sewer work. We'll have to try tomorrow." or "The bug exterminators are there today. We'll have to stay away for a few days." Do not agree to take him home, but give him some excuse. Repeat it as necessary. Hope he forgets about it by evening! Also try a distraction. "We might be able to go home later, but for now let's see if there is any ice cream in the freezer."

I wonder if he'd like a nap after lunch? Or some activity scheduled for that time? "Well, we can't make a trip right now, but this is your time to work on the jigsaw puzzle for a half an hour."

It might help to find out what he wants to do at home. (He may not know, though.) Try to provide what he wants. "I want to take a nap in my own bed!" I'm sorry we can't go right now, but I can take you to a very comfortable bed here where you can take a nap.

One theory is that what dementia folks really want when they long to "go home" is to go back to a time when things felt normal to them, when they were healthy, and understood their environment. There is no way you can take them "home" in this sense. Make excuses and redirect.
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