My narcissist mother has been slandering me for months. She refused to allow me anywhere near her.
My sons had brought her groceries, meals, cleaned her house and took her on her errands.
I told them that they do not have to do this for nanny. So, they pared down the chores and visits.
Up to just this past Sunday, I received the typical 10 daily calls of accusations and name calling. Just 2 days later - Tuesday, she called and said she had fallen, was hurt, did not need ambulance but needed me to come.
So, I came and helped her. No broken bones or bruises. She complains about pain. I understand pain as someone who lives with chronic pain. I brought (excluding Rx's) all my remedies: my back braces, wraps, heating pads, hot water bottle, creams, etc. They helped her.
Unfortunately, I have gotten myself stuck here. When I leave to to do her errands, she constantly calls to tell me to hurry back.
I tell her that I MUST go home to:
*work (I work from home 75% of the time)
*check my cats (my son is taking care of them)
*go to my own medical appointments (I had to cancel a couple because she was in such a bad state)
*re-book my medical appointments (I can't because I am living moment to moment being here)
She starts to cry out in pain, she 'can't move' because of the pain, she tells me she is too scared to be alone.
Yes, she is being manipulative.
However, the situation gets very cloudy and is not just manipulation:
-at night and in the evening.-
She wakes me up 3 of 4 times a night. Most nights she is delusional until I calm her down.
She is unsure of what medication she has taken or if she has taken them at all
-during the daytime-
She is very sleepy and sometimes incoherently mumbles
She does not eat enough or drink enough. I make her meals and provide juices, milk and water all day. She just won't take it.
She absolutely refuses to go to our family doctor because she is sure that the doctor and I had plans to get her brain scanned and then lock her up.
I have to watch what I say or else the conversation will revert to the 'locking her up' topics.
I feel that I just can't leave her in this state.
She will not allow any more 'visits' from paramedics, elderly care specialists, etc.
Her neighbours were providing me with info about her status (when she wouldn't let me visit her). That stopped and they refused my phone calls starting first week of January.
It is clear that she has spread the word about me -- abusive, liar, thief, etc. No one in her community will even speak to me. When I asked how mom has been or even just say hello -- I am given terrible looks and ignored.
So, what do I do? I can't stay here forever. I won't ask my sons to compensate for me anymore - you guys are right - it was not fair to them.
I can't let her be alone and go through her night delusions of thinking someone is in her house or that she is in locked in a hospital or that birds are flying into lights, etc. etc. etc.
She refuses caregivers to come into her home.
She could easily fall/hurt herself during one of these nighttime
What should I do? She has threatened to sue the family doctor. Needless to say, the doctor does not want to write a letter of incompetence so that I can get someone in to help her.
I am stuck. My only sibling (sister) refuses to help.