I'm afraid my dad will get my mother kicked out of a nursing home.

You should contact your local Ombudsman to advocate for your mother and strongly encourage Dad to back off. Ombudsman are trained advocates. That's what they do - try and get the best possible care for residents in long-term care. Their services are free. Please contact them.

I wish health care personnel were/could be on a 1:1 ratio so we could accommodate each patient at the moment they need assistance. As an RN that previously worked in Geri/psych, I had 10 patients and one CRNA. I would be changing a diaper/toileting a patient and hear a patient in other room call/scream for help. I physically couldn't be in 2 places at once. I'm sure for the family member of loved one yelling for help and not immediately being assisted is frustrating. It happens a lot so I understand why your dad is angry. Sometimes it takes more than one staff member to help toilet a patient. Patients can be assaultive and I've been hit and kicked while attempting to care for a patient. Although family members need a break, if at all possible we always allowed family members stay even off visiting hours if they wished to always have a person to constantly be in same room to immediately tend to needs. Another option is if your dad could hire private duty aid to sit and help with toileting. If your mom is a two person lift/assist that aid sitting with your mom may have to wait for a staff member to be free from tending to other patients to help. Nurses have other responsibilities, passing meds, wound/skin care, arranging for tests, entering labs into computer system, calling doctors for medication/admission orders, admitting new patients interviewing family/patient during admission, monitoring behavioral changes, documentation of all of the above and more. We generally try to do our best but we can't immediately be there if we are involved with caring for another. I personally avoided the complaining family member but continued to do best I could. Your dad could make appointment with social worker to discuss a transfer to another facility. Sorry to say, but if complains and is abrupt and demanding to staff, staff will be relieved to not deal with complaints if your mom is discharged. The phone would ring sometimes and secretary would answer it would be a family member known to be difficult. I sometimes told secretary I could not take call because it would take up time that was better served taking care of my patients. Your dad is angry because he loves your mom. That's beautiful. This won't last forever. Good luck.

Louise, the physical therapist's response to your father's concerns was very unprofessional. We are finding here in our part of Michigan that nursing homes are seriously understaffed. We rarely see family visiting residents at the place my grandfather is at now, but when we do, they are almost always in the process of trying to track down staff and advocating for their family member.

The compassionate and competent staff members are on the same side as their patients and their families. The people that are most likely to snap and be rude are ones that should not be working with infirm and dependent people. The fact is that these places do not have enough people to do the work, and the workers who bear the brunt of the work -- the CNAs -- are often working a second job because this work pays so little. It is truly heartbreaking that both the patients and aides are treated so poorly.

Is your dad being abusive to the staff or is he just distressed because he feels your mom's needs are not being met? As you know, it is really a loss to see a loved one in that setting and it takes awhile for everyone to adjust. If this is out of character for your dad, he might be burnt out and the stress of seeing your mom in that setting might be too much. If he is there everyday, it might help to encourage him to take a day off and let him see your mom will be all right if someone else takes a turn visiting.