I was going to look into Indepenent Living and found one that we, as a couple, could afford. However, if they "diagnose" him as being in need of more care, where I can't go, or do they let me go with him? The dollars side of it is overwhelming. I don't know how to work that. I have found a place that has all these options. And I can still pay our bills.

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Well, first I would suggest that you talk to a Certified Elderlaw Attorney in your area. There may be some VA, Medicaid Waiver or other options to help you pay of his part of the care. Most ALF's nowadays are private pay so VA is the best way to go. I believe as a couple you could get about 2000 a month or thereabouts. You need to contact the VA (if he served in the military) Or contact a lawyer to see if there are any other services. Other than that you can also call Area on Aging to see if there are other community services that could help. However, the best financial scenerio is that you live at home and he in ALF. You can probably do a reverse mortgage to help pay for his care. Again, talk to a Certified Elderlaw Attorney in your Area. Here is National Elder Law Foundation web site Good luck and God Bless.
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My parents moved into independent living 13 years ago. My dad died 4 years ago. My mom is still in independent living and if she needed more services (like having her medications administered or having someone push her down to the dining room in a wheel chair, or help with dressing or bathing) she'd just pay for them separately. Where she lives also has assisted living and skilled nursing. When my dad got bad (and couldn't stand up from the toilet), he went to skilled nursing for the last 3 months of his life. So you might have facilities like that near you.

The woman next door to my mom (also in independent living) had a caregiver living with her 24X7 for the last months of her life. As long as you're paying your bills, they'll let you do a lot. So you could probably both go into independent living with your husband getting some extra help if he needed it and you could afford those extra costs.
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If he needs a nursing home, you do not move in with him. Talk to your MD about getting home care, such as visiting nurses, to help care for him at home.
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